Happy that he's happy I can't find away to be

[RubySlippers]

How do I deal with this my bf seem to be coming around being part from me and he has fully accepted that him and I won't see each other for eight months. It hast even been a week since he realized he won't be coming back to the US. However him and his friend are going on a vacation for a week. I'm happy that he's adjusting and he's happy. When he talks to me i can hear the happiness in his voice and here am i forcing a smile to come out. I'm still have difficulties with this Im still cry all the time depress when I think back on how we were and in a blink of and eye he's gone and can come back. I'm not sure if I can bare this pain and confusion. however I do love him but I can't adjust and I'm scared I'll end it when in fact he has high hopes and he's slowly coming around. I feel as since he's back home in his country he can adjust quickly than me being lifted behind. I hope I'm not sounding selfish I want to see him happy and adjusting and with no worries. But for myself I'm still hurt and heartbroken. I wish I can come out of this if not I would have to do the unthinkable and end it. Please help

[Haley53]

It's normal to feel this way. A lot of us find it harder when our SOs go home after visiting, simply because they get to go home to the life that they've known for years, and we go back to everywhere we were with our SOs only that morning/the day before/etc. I feel like it's harder when your SO leaves because you're having to become accustomed to your old routine, the one without your SO, whereas they're returning to the comfort of home, essentially. Especially since he has friends and family he hasn't seen in a while, and places he hasn't been, he'll have more to distract himself than you will.

Try and make time for yourself during this time. There really is nothing to make it easier or to take the pain away. The amount of miss is overwhelming and heartbreaking and it feels like someone has shattered your heart and forced you to swallow and stomach them, but it does ease up with time. You do get used to the distance and learn how to cope with it, even if it never becomes "easy." Right now, though, you're needing TLC. Go out with your friends or family. Pamper yourself with a pedicure or manicure or massage or even a simple bath. Watch TV, have music going constantly, focus on work or hobbies. Try and keep your mind off it as best you can while still crying when you need to. It does get easier. You will come out of it. *hugs* to you, though. Saying goodbye is never easy.

[Zephii]

In my opinion, the only thing that truly makes LDR easier or even bearable is acceptance. If you can accept that this is how it is, how it must be for now, the pain has less power over you. You'll still be lonely, some days you still may not function but it helps you get a grip and keep living your life - and living your life is the way to pass the time faster.

It's not that he doesn't love you or care about you as much as you care about him. Some people can just adapt better than others - and some hide that they didn't adapt better than others. You are right that it is easier for him in a way. Although he misses you and longs for you, he's been away from his friends for a long time and there's lots of catching up to do, lots of distractions, whereas you don't have that - all there is, is the void that he left.
Give yourself more time to adjust, and be kind to yourself. The two of you will find a rhythm to help you get through the coming months. The pain wont be so fresh after a while. We're here for you.

[Jgui]

In my opinion, the only thing that truly makes LDR easier or even bearable is acceptance. If you can accept that this is how it is, how it must be for now, the pain has less power over you. You'll still be lonely, some days you still may not function but it helps you get a grip and keep living your life - and living your life is the way to pass the time faster.

I totally agree with this! It is very tough after a visit with our SO and takes some time to adjust. Keep yourself busy and pamper yourself, as Eclaire had mentioned. Take advantage of the time you have to yourself and make the most out of it.

I had a tough time adjusting after visiting my SO, and I'm sure everyone here can agree. But just because he is out having fun doesn't mean he doesn't miss or love you. Men are raised with the mentality they shouldn't show their emotional and soft side because it makes them look less masculine. But in reality, they go through just as much emotions as women do, if not more.

Remind yourself why you had gotten together in the 1st place and know this is only for now, that things will get better as time progresses.

[Filly]

In my opinion, the only thing that truly makes LDR easier or even bearable is acceptance. If you can accept that this is how it is, how it must be for now, the pain has less power over you. You'll still be lonely, some days you still may not function but it helps you get a grip and keep living your life - and living your life is the way to pass the time faster.

I totally agree with this. If you plan on holding on to the relationship you just have to accept it, it won't make it easier but trust me it will save you a lot of grief.

I know I'm going to be feeling like this when T gets ready to leave for an entire year especially since the dynamics of our relationship has changed. But right now I'm trying to enjoy every single moment we have with each other so when the going gets tough I have then to hold on to.

Best of luck to you.