He thinks its unfair?

[MNCO]

Hello Everyone ~

This is my first post.

I've known my guy for about 3 years now. He used to live in Minnesota..but he moved first to Colorado, now North Dakota. We haven't really dated but we care deeply for one another. We have one of those silly pacts that if we aren't married by the time we're 35..

He knows me better than anyone, we're fantastic friends and we seem to be completely insynic with one another with thoughts, feelings etc.

Anyways, Right now we're both single. He recently opened his own business and of course is EXTREMELY busy. He says he wants to be with me. But its completely unfair because he isn't able to put the time into the relationship like he'd like to.

How can I get him to understand that for us right now starting a relationship long distance makes it a little easier as he doesn't have to make time cept maybe once a month to see me.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be fantastic!

Thank you in advance!

[Haley53]

I'm not sure you can do convincing if you've spoken to him about this already? Of course you can communicate your wants to him, and that you'd be okay with that situation, and what it might mean for any relationship you two would have, but a LDR isn't going to work if both of your hearts aren't in it, and if he's saying he can't devote the time he wants to a relationship, then his heart isn't in it right now. :/

And honestly, my mother's a business owner, and when she started up her corporation? I'm not sure she had the time to devote to being in a relationship, either, and it's actually one of the factors that led to the break-up between her and the man she was dating, at the time, simply because he couldn't handle how busy she was and she couldn't change it. Sometimes that "maybe once a month to see me" is impossible and I'd say that if anywhere's likely to make it impossible, it's starting up one's own business. There's a lot that goes into it, both legally and mentally/emotionally, and unless you've done it or know someone who's done it, it can be hard to realise that there's that much "stuff" surrounding the start-up. If you're willing to deal with it, and with the possibility that he might not even get those once-a-months during the first year, then I would tell him that, but if you're not, or if you've already spoken to him and his answer remains the same, then I honestly think you need to let this one go. Relationships shouldn't have to come with "convincing," in my opinion, and in all honesty, you might end up pushing him away if you continue to push the idea.

[Darth_Taco]

My mother and I are starting our own business too, and oh my God @_@. One year is an optimistic estimation. With the economy the way it is, it might be longer before he can work less than 7 days a week XP. He can't just leave the business for someone else to take care of for a few days either, especially if it's not a business partner that doesn't know the ins and outs of it. If you were to try to do this relationship, you'd have to do all the travelling for a really long time (especially if it doesn't take off right away). Then there's still the issue that he could be working 6 or 7 very long days a week, meaning no real time to be together. Only reason my mother and I are doing this now is because she's single and I closed the distance, and that's gonna be insane.

I know this sounds very pessimistic, but that's what owning your own business is. It's really hard work and involves a lot of sacrifices. The best thing you two can do is wait until his business stabilizes.

[Haley53]

My mother and I are starting our own business too, and oh my God @_@. One year is an optimistic estimation.

Actually, this is a good point. My mother probably did the most in the first year (seven 12+ hour days), it settled some in the half year that followed (five to six 10+ hour days), and then she was still working over full-time until I'm not sure when, though she was able to breathe/take a day or two off at that point. I would say it's only really started settling in the past couple of years as far as her being able to go into management and working with her private pay clients in the past couple years? The business itself didn't completely allow her to breathe until four years in.

[digitalfever]

I’d say that I’m inclined to agree with him. Unless he’s willing to make a long distance relationship work without your convincing then I’d say he’s considered the pro’s and con’s of the situation and is telling you where he’s at. Respect that and see where this takes you.