Problems handling anger

So my SO is almost at the end of his one month visit and we have been going out a lot. It's been great but I realized I have a problem handling anger...

Very stupid story approaching.

Today we were at some park because his friend was going to pick him up for something they had planned. We had a great time and his friend came over to pick him up... so then I had to leave but turns out my SO wanted to be funny and took my mobile phone when I was not watching. I was in a hurry because I had to drive to the mall to give my sister the car's keys and I was already late. So I arrived, I even parked and when I took my purse to look for my phone to call my sis... oh, it wasn't there. The plan was my sister would leave the mall to go to some meeting and I would stay there until my mother picked me up to finally get home. So I had to drive all the way back because I was unsure of where it was (I supposed maybe my SO had found it in case it had gotten lost. But I get there and my SO and his friend are already gone...

I had to ask a girl to call my number and then my SO replied... he said they would drive back to the park to give me back my kidnapped phone. So I had to wait till they arrived and when they got there I was not really happy. It was getting late and starting to rain. They just gave me the stupid phone and I just said "bye". My SO asked me if I was angry and I just said...."yes" and left, being angry because they made me lose an hour of time and car's gas.

I know I did wrong and an hour later I called my SO saying sorry. My SO told me not to worry and left something pretty written in my inbox. We are feeling fine and normal again and this did not become a major problem but I was very very angry for a moment.

...but anyways... I'm concerned for this attitude of mine. Anyone have some advice on how not to get too angry with these stupid situations? was I right to say sorry of do you believe it should've been backwards?

[digitalfever]

I have an attitude as well when I’m mad. I’ve been working on it a ton in the last three months and trying to figure out ways to just avoid the whole giving someone attitude and I think I’ve found something that works for me.
I’ve learned to identify when I’m mad, come up with the reasons as to why I’m mad and then come up with a solution such as talking to the person etc… rather than giving them attitude. I know it sounds gruel and long but it’s helped me identify the emotion and why I’m feeling that way rather than giving them attitude because I’m mad.

[Haley53]

Actually, being honest, I'd probably have been frustrated as well. When it comes to these situations, I think you have to realise, and accept, that annoyances happen. We are going to get frustrated. We are going to get annoyed. We are going to have moments where we temporarily snap, and saying something like "yes" and leaving because you're angry is hardly as offensive as the way some people can get. I feel we'll all have those moments regardless of how hard we try to suppress them. The best thing you can do is realise that you can apologise for them, explain your reasoning, and move on from the situation (though I feel an apology from his end would have been warranted as well). In the end, you're not ever going to achieve being perfectly patient and perfectly saintly a perfect amount of the time. This honestly sounds like something your SO was ready to brush off and something that would have caused anyone annoyance in your situation. Really, I think the better way to approach this besides "how can I not get so angry?" is more that these things happen and learn to let them go and not make a mountain out of a molehill. Your SO will snap at you too, and if it hasn't happened yet, it will at some point. This, to me, was not unwarranted anger or even an inappropriate reaction; you reacted with annoyance and frustration, and sometimes those things can't be avoided. Learn to forgive yourself and let go. It's not an excuse, still be aware of when your behaviour really is irrational (such as if this kind of thing happens frequently), but I would hardly consider this particular instance an irrational event or expression of emotion.

[Deleted]

I have an attitude as well when I’m mad. I’ve been working on it a ton in the last three months and trying to figure out ways to just avoid the whole giving someone attitude and I think I’ve found something that works for me.
I’ve learned to identify when I’m mad, come up with the reasons as to why I’m mad and then come up with a solution such as talking to the person etc… rather than giving them attitude. I know it sounds gruel and long but it’s helped me identify the emotion and why I’m feeling that way rather than giving them attitude because I’m mad.

Sounds to me like I do have to learn to identify when I'm mad. Today I thought I was perfectly calm until I saw my SO and his friend, and just then I realized it and it was kind of late. I have to work on that :P thanks for the tip!

[Deleted]

Actually, being honest, I'd probably have been frustrated as well. When it comes to these situations, I think you have to realise, and accept, that annoyances happen. We are going to get frustrated. We are going to get annoyed. We are going to have moments where we temporarily snap, and saying something like "yes" and leaving because you're angry is hardly as offensive as the way some people can get. I feel we'll all have those moments regardless of how hard we try to suppress them. The best thing you can do is realise that you can apologise for them, explain your reasoning, and move on from the situation (though I feel an apology from his end would have been warranted as well). In the end, you're not ever going to achieve being perfectly patient and perfectly saintly a perfect amount of the time. This honestly sounds like something your SO was ready to brush off and something that would have caused anyone annoyance in your situation. Really, I think the better way to approach this besides "how can I not get so angry?" is more that these things happen and learn to let them go and not make a mountain out of a molehill. Your SO will snap at you too, and if it hasn't happened yet, it will at some point. This, to me, was not unwarranted anger or even an inappropriate reaction; you reacted with annoyance and frustration, and sometimes those things can't be avoided. Learn to forgive yourself and let go. It's not an excuse, still be aware of when your behaviour really is irrational (such as if this kind of thing happens frequently), but I would hardly consider this particular instance an irrational event or expression of emotion.

Thanks, I was hoping someone would tell me the situation had been at least a little annoying... I was afraid of being the only one who does not laugh at these jokes. But as you said I think it's natural... he's never snapped at me but I'm sure one day he will and it will probably be because of something like this. Half of me wants to laugh at what he said when I was leaving... he said: "I just wanted you to come back so I could see you again". At the moment it was super annoying but I'm starting to see some hidden adorableness in it.

I guess I'm just unused to jokes like this from him. Since he's normaly several miles away, he can't steal my stuff!

[Haley53]

I think people forget that in LDRs, you're learning two different sides, constantly. You're learning how to communicate and evolve your relationship, and then you're learning how you are as a couple in person and what your little quirks and idiosyncrasies are. Sometimes they mesh, and then there's one or two that don't always. For example, my SO is a bit of instigator. As I am also, it takes a fair bit to push my buttons and vice versa. However, there was one moment where he was singing a song I really didn't like and he kept on doing it to get a rise out of me until I finally sort of growled and told him it was no longer funny and had gotten irritating. He apologised and we moved on from it and that was that. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be great communicators 100% of the time and the longer you spend with someone, especially the longer you spend with them in person, the more likely you are to have moments where you simply can't be. While it's of course great to learn to communicate better and better, there also has to be some level of forgiveness, or else you're going to end up holding onto things and making issues where there don't need to be.

[digitalfever]

Sounds to me like I do have to learn to identify when I'm mad. Today I thought I was perfectly calm until I saw my SO and his friend, and just then I realized it and it was kind of late. I have to work on that :P thanks for the tip!

Believe me...there have been times where I think I'm fine but...as soon as that person comes around...Well slapping them is my knee jerk reaction! =P But honestly the situation did sound really annoying.

[Deleted]

Eclaire

I do believe in forgiveness Fortunately this little event was a way of seeing how we both react to this kind of annoyances. We found out several things about one another in this one month visit and most of them helped us get along even better. Some others are silly, for example I have to knock doors when he's on his own in a room, even if the door is open... because my way of walking is very silent and if he suddenly finds me there he gets a mini heart attack. It's really funny :P


digitalfever

slapping?? that's a reaction! :P I have never done that in person but i've done it in my mind.

[Zephii]

I don't think you have anything to be sorry about, I don't think you were out of line being angry and you forgave quickly.

If my SO thought to pull a stunt like that on me, the outcome wouldn't have been me apologizing that's for sure. He was immature - not you.

[Anna N' Luc]

I don't think you have anything to be sorry about, I don't think you were out of line being angry and you forgave quickly.

If my SO thought to pull a stunt like that on me, the outcome wouldn't have been me apologizing that's for sure. He was immature - not you.

I kind of agree with Zephii on this one. I think by the sounds of it you actually handled it quite well. After all, you were late (because of him) so even if you wanted to you couldn't hang around to talk it out. I don't think it's something I'd hold a grudge over but I'd be a bit angry at first.

[Kiyama]

I agree with Zephii. I can't see why you were the one who had to apologize. He probably didn't think much about it so I wouldn't make a big deal out of it but I'd still be a bit annoyed I'd had to go all the way back for my phone and I'd definitely expect an apology and tell him not to pull such a stunt again.

[Jgui]

I really didn't think you needed to apologize to you SO because he pulled a prank which cause you to get upset In return. It's understandable how fruasting you were because you were on a time crunch. He should have been more mature and realize you were in a rush and caused an inconvenience for you.

I personally have the same problem when I'm upset which I'm trying to improve.

[Lilly9886]

I agree with the above posters, you had a reason (right) to be angry! I don't think you should have been the one to apologize but him. Did he know you were meeting your sister because she had a meeting and needed the car? I'd talk to him about prank like that!

But it's good you can forgive so easy.