Our LD situation has changed.

[lyonsgirl]

He moved home yesterday & then left for a weekend family vacation today. Something he didn't mention to me until this morning when he said he was doing laundry so he could pack for the trip. Gee, thanks for letting me know you're leaving for the weekend... *grumble*

Anyway, this isn't about him being on vacation or not telling me that he was going. It's about him living at home again. In the past when he has been home, I have always felt like an after-thought. And I know that it's partly because he hasn't been around in family in so long and he missed them etc etc, but it still bugs me. He knows I feel like this, I mentioned this to him last time he was home. I'm trying really hard not to worry about it so much, because maybe once he has been home for a while he will get used to being around them and we'll go back to normal maybe? I hope so.

I guess what I'm asking is how do I cope with this? Honestly sometimes I feel like he completely forgets I even exist when he's with his family unless I'm physically there with him. When we are together around his family, it's very obvious that he knows I am there & is happy that I am there. I hate thinking too much into this, and I know that I already have. Has anyone else struggled with this kind of situation with your SOs?

[Haley53]

I haven't dealt with this situation, but what I have dealt with is being put on the lower end of the priority list. And yes, it's painful, and it can sometimes be difficult to cope with, but if it's one thing I learned from my situation, it's that it's also temporary.

Any transition comes with a period of chaos. Sometimes that chaos is hardly noticeable and the transition goes smoothly, other times the chaos is positive, but highly existent, and sometimes it's very noticeable, very present, and not the easiest thing in the world to deal with, but my point remains the same: with any transition comes a period of upheaval and settling down again.

My guess would be that once things settle down, because this is a more permanent arrangement, then you're going to go back to being "us" again, however that us was before the transition, but he's in this too. Even if it's positive in the sense he's surrounded by loved ones he hasn't seen/lived with in a while, it's still a transition and it'll likely take him some time to get used to it also. That might mean the relationship being put on the backburner until things settle down. By backburner I don't so much mean that there's a lack of love, caring, or effort, but rather that it might take him some time to rebuild your routine in a way that allows for family, old friends, and your relationship. Some people take longer to adjust than others, but my guess would be things will settle down once his life at home settles down.

In the meantime, find ways to distract yourself as opposed to sitting at home sulking and obsessing over when he's going to contact you. It's easy to do, but try and find ways of getting out of the house and learning to leave your phone at home, even! Sometimes being able to leave the computer or leave the phone or abandon the main mode of technological contact you have with your SO is incredibly freeing when they're going through their own thing, simply because it's almost symbolic of taking a step towards independence when your partner can't be there 100%, because in life, there will be times your partner can't. Take this as an opportunity to find new hobbies, keep up with exercising, learn new recipes, etc. Sometimes even the temporary times away from our partner can be an excuse to check in with ourselves and do some exploration and clear any blocks to open up our growth potential.

Hang in there. My guess is it'll settle down eventually.

[lyonsgirl]

Thanks, Eclaire. The hardest time for me is on the weekends-always has been. I know that I need to keep myself occupied but even when I'm doing a lot of things I can't help myself but think about him. Even when I stuff my phone at the bottom of my purse. I can't bring myself to leaving it at home since my family lives across the country and my parents have had health problems that have sent them both to the ER in the past 2 years.

I'm hoping that it will settle down over the next couple of weeks, but I also know that I have no idea what to expect since this is (another) new situation for us. Hopefully by the time I move we'll have a new rhythm worked out.