Announcement

**kittyo9** · July 18, 2012, 06:47 PM

If you aren't sure you want to pursue masters/Ph.D. level work, getting a job is a great idea. You don't necessarily need to work in your field (many, MANY people end up working in entirely unrelated areas), although it helps if you are particularly into what you're studying. Any job experience is better than none, and it's a great place to start if you don't know what else to do in the mean time. In time, you can work up to something where you'll be able to get your own place or move out to your boyfriend, too.

I think definitely discuss it with your SO, too-- if he's going to be in your life in the future, there's no reason you can't talk about it with him! He might have his own ideas on what you should do, which you can take into consideration.

And... hey, you're only 24! You have YEARS to go! My mom didn't get married until she was 29. My boyfriend's mom didn't get married until she was nearly 40. Your friends might be getting engaged/married/having kids/making big plans for their life, but they are on their own track. You have your own possibilities ahead of you and even though it seems like "everybody's doing it," you aren't everybody!

But hey, what do I know, I'm 21 and I'm still in school as well...

**pretty ll vacant** · July 18, 2012, 06:55 PM

My SO and I both still live at home with our parents but do well for ourselves and we aren't teenagers either. (I'm 24 and he's 25) Take advantage of this opportunity and save save SAVE your money. Seems like you have a pretty good plan so far, start teaching aaaand continue your studies at the same time. Lots of teachers I have had were doing that. You will be fine, you're just letting your surroundings influence you too much. Definitely don't rush into anything, take time and do exactly that .. PLAN it, with time of course.

**lala** · July 18, 2012, 06:55 PM

Originally posted by kittyo9 View Post

If you aren't sure you want to pursue masters/Ph.D. level work, getting a job is a great idea. You don't necessarily need to work in your field (many, MANY people end up working in entirely unrelated areas), although it helps if you are particularly into what you're studying. Any job experience is better than none, and it's a great place to start if you don't know what else to do in the mean time. In time, you can work up to something where you'll be able to get your own place or move out to your boyfriend, too.

I think definitely discuss it with your SO, too-- if he's going to be in your life in the future, there's no reason you can't talk about it with him! He might have his own ideas on what you should do, which you can take into consideration.

And... hey, you're only 24! You have YEARS to go! My mom didn't get married until she was 29. My boyfriend's mom didn't get married until she was nearly 40. Your friends might be getting engaged/married/having kids/making big plans for their life, but they are on their own track. You have your own possibilities ahead of you and even though it seems like "everybody's doing it," you aren't everybody!

But hey, what do I know, I'm 21 and I'm still in school as well...

thanks kittyo9

I mean I WANT to move out and get enganged and married and having babies lol but not everything right now lol but till 28 I would like to have all this..and that's 4 years.. I love my SO but we need more time to get to know eachother but it's hard if you live on the other side of the world hehe and let's say I start working as a teacher (which my main plan was-but I'm not sure about it anymore)..I will need at least 3 more years to get my teacher certificate.. what I could do is moving after I finish my studies and continue studying where my SO lives but that would be difficult because of visa and money..
I'm just afraid that when I'm talking with my SO about it, he might think that I want him to propose or stress him out about our future together.. -.-

**lala** · July 18, 2012, 06:57 PM

Originally posted by pretty ll vacant View Post

My SO and I both still live at home with our parents but do well for ourselves and we aren't teenagers either. (I'm 24 and he's 25) Take advantage of this opportunity and save save SAVE your money. Seems like you have a pretty good plan so far, start teaching aaaand continue your studies at the same time. Lots of teachers I have had were doing that. You will be fine, you're just letting your surroundings influence you too much. Definitely don't rush into anything, take time and do exactly that .. PLAN it, with time of course.

oh no you misuderstood..I'm studying at the moment to become a teacher and when I finish this I will have to work for 1,5 years in a school to get my teaching certificate..
or I could continue studying (master) and not teach..

**Haley53** · July 18, 2012, 07:44 PM

If you want to become a teacher, then I would do a couple things. First, if you're ultimately looking to immigrate to Canada, I would look at whether or not your teaching certificate will apply in Canada. While it might be more hassle/money to study in your SO's area, it'd a) get you a valid certificate to teach in his country b) help you two spend more CD time together and c) open up visa options (I believe Canada has more visa options for couples than, say, somewhere like the US). If your teaching certificate is something you can obtain in Germany and carry over to Canada, I'd consider pursuing it there.

While it's tempting to drop everything, I feel like more than a couple of your posts have alluded to the fact you want to get your teaching certificate or pursue your Master's, but you don't want to extend the distance, and as hard as it is, you have to think about what you want for YOUR life, not what you want for your life with your SO. If you can somehow mesh the two? Then great! But sometimes it happens that you can't. In my SO's and my case, we both have higher education to pursue that's setting off our closing the distance plans, and we're both going to have to accept that and carry forth as best we can. I would suggest that you think about what you would be doing without your SO in the picture (from previous posts, it's sounded like you wanted to teach?) and then go from there. Say it's wanting to teach. Look at whether or not you could get a certificate in his country or what the qualifications are, and see if it's worth it to study there. If it isn't, I would stay behind and pursue your certificate or your MA. As much as I hate it to say, job prospects are terrible even for people with Bachelor's degrees in most places right now, as far as I'm aware (and my friend from Canada has personally stated), so I would take that into consideration as well.

**dukes2011** · July 18, 2012, 10:41 PM

I actually completely understand what you mean. Bonus points for watching "How I Met Your Mother"! I love that show. Anyway, I completely know what you mean! I turn 23 in September and my SO turns 24 shortly after. Almost everyone we went to college with is married/engaged/living together and here we are in a LDR. Most of our family members got married young too, so we have talked about how we feel like we're "behind". We talk about it often since we often need pep talks about we're just on a different track than everyone else. We have been back and forth between CD and LD the whole time we've dated. After I graduate in May, I also plan on moving back home to save some money. I have no clue what I'm doing and sometimes it scares me, but other times it's exciting to have the adventure.

Our relationship had always been different from others and that didn't change once we graduated college and went into a long term LDR. Pursuing my Master's is definitely making things complicated in planning for the future, but we keep reminding ourselves we're better off for it. I would definitely advise talking to your SO since as you can tell, my SO and I rely on each other for reassurance.

**Zephii** · July 18, 2012, 11:38 PM

I think the most important thing is to realise that while time will just pass and you'll get older, your future wont just come to you, so you do need a firm idea of what you want and what steps you will take to get there, especially since you're doing the international things because that shit can take years.

You do need to discuss it with yous SO if you want a future that includes him. You don't have to put all the scary moving-too-fast-smells-like-commitment stuff in there like engagement because honestly, being engaged or married is great but it's not a necessity. It's not something so time consuming that you need to put aside a year or so to work on it/focus solely on making it happen. But tackle the things like moving together, what visas will work for you, and what decade you each want to have kids.

There's also a big priority thing you need to look at. What's more important to you family/relationship/love or stability/career/finance? At least one of you needs to have "Family" as their top priority (or else an awesome unexpected and highly unlikely job offer) otherwise closing the distance will just keep getting put off. There is no good time to disrupt your career once you've started it and move.

Unfortunately it's too easy to just get stuck thinking about the future and planning for it that we forget we're already living our lives. Every day. This is your life. Are you living the life you want to live? And if not, why aren't you doing anything about it? (I think it was Karrington (sp) that said that to me lol)

**sewbama** · July 19, 2012, 12:05 AM

So as far as the family part goes, I don't speak to my dad anymore because he isn't ok with me making decisions different than he would. He made it impossible for me to live my own life (I'm 23). I'm not suggesting you no longer speak to your family, but you have to understand that even if they love you and want what's best for you, they don't know your heart. You are the only one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions. They might be proud you've accomplished something, but you have to be happy with your life. So listen to their advice, take it into account, but remember that ultimately it's your decision because it's your life. If they can't support your decisions, they aren't worth listening to anyway.

As for the age, it isn't a big deal. Everyone's life pace is different. We're about the same age, and only one of my friends is married. So just move at your own pace and don't worry about what other people are doing or think about you. Just think through all your options, do lots of research, and see which one sounds like your life. Then, work for it, but have a back up plan. And you should definitely talk to your SO about it. Talk about what you think you want to do, how the options affect him and your relationship. But the same goes for his advice as your family. He should support any well-thought-out decision you make.

**Kiyama** · July 19, 2012, 02:17 AM

I faced a similar decision a few years back. I did a masters in England and was thinking about staying there to get a teaching certificate. I was still enrolled at uni in germany at that time for a teaching degree. I ended up going back to Gemany and finish it here and I'm now in the training period. Looking back it was the best thing to do. I don't know where in Germany you come from but in some states they don't easily accept teaching certificates from abroad. So what if you ever want to move back but you won't be able to teach where and what you want? It would suck immensely. Also you take the risk of not being able to be employed as a civil servant. Even with the demand for teachers being low in certain states here it is still one of the safest and well paid jobs. That's why I would think twice about quitting your degree here if you want to keep this option open.

And don't look too much at others. I'm 28 now and I know quite a few people who are single, even the people who were in long term relationships just three years back and of who you would have thought they'd get married. Life can always happen and you are waaaay to young to panic

**lala** · July 19, 2012, 03:40 AM

thank you aaaaall for the help

I really appreciate it. puh it's hard.. On the one side I want to have a degree (it's what I studied for all these years) but it sucks that I will need 1,5 more year of teaching period to get the fully degree.. and on the other hand I want to have a family,kids and being married,living in a place I like. So actually in this moment I don't have anything..I know it takes time, but what if I decide the school thing and it doesn't work out with my SO anymore because of the time..and then I'm here living in Germany (where I absolutely hate it) and teach, being 28..without a family.. of course it's just one scenario, but it's possible and it scares me.

I will inform myself about the requirements to get a teaching certificate in Canada, but still in the end that would mean that I would need money and help and a visa..

by the way the propectives in Germany got worse..they don't need that many teachers anymore because less children are born,and all this crisis is making any job perspective not looking good. And the worst thing is having a dad who is not truly helping me but tries to confuse me and let me make the decision he wants-that's not a help!

But I guess you are all right, I have to talk to my SO about it..yes we are just 1 year together, but that's a one year LDR.. I will possible see him just once a year (if even that is possible), so we both need to be sure if we want to have eachother in our lives.

**Berna** · July 19, 2012, 04:20 AM

You know, life is what happens while you are busy making plans

Relax. You are still very young and the fact that your friends are getting married/engaged etc shouldn't affect you. Maybe they will regret it afterwards

Don't worry, you are not late for anything.

**lala** · July 19, 2012, 04:21 AM

Originally posted by Berna View Post

You know, life is what happens while you are busy making plans

Relax. You are still very young and the fact that your friends are getting married/engaged etc shouldn't affect you. Maybe they will regret it afterwards

Don't worry, you are not late for anything.

hehe I know this quote lol
no actually i'm not stressing so much out because of them..it's just I see what I want too and they have it and I'm far away from it and that makes me stressed out

**kittyo9** · July 19, 2012, 08:58 AM

Originally posted by lala View Post

I will inform myself about the requirements to get a teaching certificate in Canada, but still in the end that would mean that I would need money and help and a visa...

It shouldn't be too difficult for you to get a visa to Canada. Germany has a good record with most countries and isn't considered an immigration threat.

**Haley53** · July 19, 2012, 12:12 PM

it sucks that I will need 1,5 more year of teaching period to get the fully degree.. and on the other hand I want to have a family,kids and being married,living in a place I like. So actually in this moment I don't have anything..I know it takes time, but what if I decide the school thing and it doesn't work out with my SO anymore because of the time..and then I'm here living in Germany (where I absolutely hate it) and teach, being 28..without a family.. of course it's just one scenario, but it's possible and it scares me.

I hate to say it, but if your relationship broke up because you needed only a year and a half more schooling to get your teacher's certificate, then your relationship would have broken up regardless. A relationship requires sacrifices, but in my opinion, it does not require academic or career sacrifices. While Zephii said that there's no good time to give up your career, and she's essentially right, I don't feel the time to think about giving it up is before you even have the credentials to do what you've been wanting to do and going to school for. Of course, you could always go back to school, but I really think you need to stay the course and pursue what you'd be pursuing without your SO. I'm sure he doesn't want the pressure of knowing you gave that up to move to be with him, and you don't want to take the chance of resentment when you get there and have trouble finding work with a BA and can't work doing what you want (another thing to consider is looking at work prospects).

I know that some might disagree with me, but I want to get my psychological licensing and my Master's, which means a Master's program for two years and 2700 post-degree hours, which could be another two years, depending on where I'm interning and if I'm being paid and how many hours I'm being given a week. I have looked into graduate school in my SO's country and in Europe on the whole, but would require a conversion course to be able to continue to study there. I can't give that up. Yes, I want the family. I want the marriage. I want the relationship. But my career is important to me too. I'm solidifying what I need in place for my life in the event my SO and I become another statistic. No one likes to think about what happens if you don't work out, but if my SO and I broke up, I don't want to be going to school I attended for him and him only. If 20 years from now, he and I get a divorce, I don't want to be working in social work because I didn't pursue my licensing to be a practicing therapist. Those are things I'm not willing to give up for anyone, but I also am not keen on married until mid-late 20s or on starting a family until between 30 and 40. I know some people want it sooner than I do.

Still, you have admitted to wanting your teacher's credential. You have also admitted to wanting your SO and a family with him. I honestly think that you can have both. I think that if you're truly meant to be with someone, if you want that someone to the point that you want them for the rest of your life, you'll live with a year and a half of distance so that they can become teacher certified and have the means of doing what they want to do. My opinion is in our 20s, you're too young to give up on your life goals. Maybe at 40, when the degree is in place, and the goal is, say, starting up one's own business... Maybe then I might have a different viewpoint, a different opinion, but my opinion really is that your 20s, which is when you statistically go through even more transitions than high school, it's supposed to be about you, and that anyone who would have stuck around anyway is going to stick it out for you to get what you need for you to do in place. Once a year is tough, but I see my SO twice a year and so far, we're making it work.

I dunno. I would talk to your SO about it, but I would also sincerely consider pursuing your certificate, since that's what you would do without your SO, whether it means studying in Germany or not. Maybe it's because my priorities are more education/career, because I saw my mother's and a professor's of mine regret after sacrificing their academic and career ambitions for a SO they later ended up divorced from, but I really don't think your life course for what you want to do in life as a career, something you're passionate about, should have to be changed/altered completely for your SO. Maybe at some point, sure, but not before you even have the credential to do it.

P.S. Try not to worry about the market or what your dad says you should or shouldn't do. There are always, always opportunities open for those who are willing to do the work to find them. Statistics don't dictate your personal experience. I have a grandfather who likes to think they do, too. *hug*

Announcement

unknown future

unknown future

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment