Playing hard to get with my girlfriend?

[KyleRivera]

Alright, so here's the thing. In a conversation with my girlfriend she told me how i'm to easy and don't play hard to get very often. I told her "you know you like it." she said "ehh, only sometimes..." I had a hunch that I didn't play hard to get that much and it was confirmed. The thing is, when I actually try to play hard to get, she plays even harder than she normally does. As I know that everybody loves at least a little bit of a challenge I have some questions...

So I was just wondering, what are some ways that I can play hard to get with her and make myself seem as a little more of a challenge and peak her interest...from our distance without going to far? Would maybe not picking up all her calls or at least letting them ring for a little show this? Maybe letting the first call ring through and then maybe call her back an hour later or so? Maybe not texting her back right away when she texts me?

What about for when i'm with her in person? How can I play hard to get without going to far? I just want to make things more fun and show her i'm still the challenging man that she had to chase down and ask out.

[Courtney:)]

To be completely honest with you, I don't see the need to have to play hard to get. You two already have each other, isn't that what you two want anyway?

Just ask her, though. She said "only sometimes..." Okay, what are those times that she likes when you don't play hard to get, and what are those times that she doesn't like it?

When I think of hard to get...I think of exactly what you said. Let the phone ring a little longer, don't text back right away...but you two are in a relationship. Again, I say I don't see the need for it.

But that's just my stand point. If she likes it - ask her what she likes. And try that out.

[Haley53]

I don't understand why at 21, you still need to be playing petty games at all, let alone when you're in a relationship. Hard to get more or less stops once you have someone, which defeats the purpose of playing hard to get entirely.

Personally, I'd talk to her about why she felt that way and ask her what she feels she's missing. Sure, people like challenges, but frankly, if you still need a challenge/the chase when in a relationship, and that's what your interest in the relationship is based on, you aren't going to get far and it's unlikely to ever deepen, making the point of pursuing that relationship moot.

I would ask her what she meant by it and see if you can both figure out ways to spice up the relationship without resorting to game playing. Perhaps you could figure out ways of deepening your friendship so that your relationship does not exist on a more shallow, surface level too. I don't mean to be harsh, but as I giggled over on The Bachelorette when one of the single men said "I like a challenge. I need a chase," if you still need the chase, you're either not in the right relationship or not ready to be in a relationship.

I would try and repair it in ways that don't involve game playing.

[Kiyama]

I agree with the the posters above.
Honestly, I hate such games and I find it really immature. Ok, if you just get to know each other and want to appear somewhat interesting then fine but in a relationship? Personally I couldn't be with someone who likes to play games anymore and I'd ask them to grow up. Maybe these things work for some people but definitely not for me. My SO had to face some of these issues with his exes and I have a hard time to tell him stop comparing me to them as I'm not the type for such games at all. It can be annoying sometimes, which is why I have little understanding :/
I think the best thing for you is to talk about it and find out why she says these things and then try and resolve it in other ways.

[KyleRivera]

I completely agree with both of you. Maybe she meant it in a different way then what I thought she meant. I honestly don't like playing games like that as I feel it is childish. I think what she really means when she says she wishes i would play hard to get sometimes, is when it comes time for being sexual. She seems to have an effect on me where I get turned on pretty easily by anything she does, even if it is unintentional or she doesn't do anything. For example, she could just mention something insignificant and I can become completely aroused. Another example is the way she smells (in many different...ways) drives me wild. I guess I should ask her what she means when she says that and go from there? Thanks ladies, I appreciate your help!!!

[Haley53]

Communication is key. Honestly, I feel like people should of course share their woes, but take some time to stop and ask if they've talked to their SO first.

That said, you can't help it if you become aroused easily. o.o;; I would ask her, because that also sounds like an insignificant thing to be bothered by.

[Zapookie]

I don't understand why she would want you to not be turned on for her? You can't control how you feel and generally that kind of thing should be considered flattering rather than a reason to not like you... but to each their own, I guess. You should still talk to her to clear that up, though.

Games within relationships are silly. Just be you and don't try and change or do things for her to please her.

[kirbycat]

I think what she really means when she says she wishes i would play hard to get sometimes, is when it comes time for being sexual.

This is how I first interpreted what you wrote, too. Maybe she just meant that she'd like to be able to tease and work at you a bit? On a strictly physical level, it can be fun to have that good-natured, hard-to-get playfulness with your partner every once in a while. I mean, I'm sure she's pleased that you find her so instantly alluring, but sometimes the end result feels more satisfying when you have to put a little more effort into making it happen, if you know what I mean.

If she really was talking about playing hard to get in your communication...honestly, here's how I see that going: you start "missing" her phone calls or "ignoring" her texts every so often, thinking she likes that game - but then she doesn't understand what you're doing and gets pissed off at you for ignoring her. Cue snowballing miscommunication and eventual argument. There's just no need for that game, even if you're not in a relationship. Especially in a LDR, making sure you're both on the same page with each other across the distance can be tough enough. Save the teasing for when you're physically together and can adequately judge each other's reactions.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

There comes a time where 'playing hard to get' can actually turn into 'playing hard to want'. I don't believe that playing hard to get or any of those kinda games for that matter are worthwhile. Either in or out of the bedroom. Sure there's the art of the tease and whatnot but games just aren't my forte.

[KyleRivera]

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. I have not yet talked to her about this yet as I am unsure of how to go about it. But also, I have yet to talk to her about it because I feel like, after much thinking, that what she means is just having to work harder or tease me more when it comes time for intimacy. I am sure she doesn't want me to not pick up her calls or ignore her texts because I tried letting her calls ring through recently and answering when she called a 2nd or 3rd time and she did not like it very much...even though I did it only because I was in the shower lol. She told me she was mad at me for not answering 4 calls until I told her I was in the shower, then I guess she realized she was over-reacting.

[Jgui]

why play games when you already have each other? why play games at all?!?! i don't understand couples playing games with one another..

[Tooki]

If your GF is referring to playing hard to get sexually, then that isn't such a bad thing. My missus and I like to play hard to get something. Like teasing each other, or not letting the other person have us. Making us chase each other.