Never Had This Feeling Before. Am I Alone?

[Haley53]

Well, my SO went to one of his friend's birthday parties last night. It was a large celebration, especially seeing as a mutual friend (and SO's best friend) who left for army training several months ago is now home. It ended up being an overnight thing, which I had been told it may or may not become one (it's a 40 minute walk, and no transportation that late, so he wasn't sure whether or not he was going to be up for walking 40 minutes in the early hours of the a.m.).

This morning he comes home, and he's telling me about it, and he says that in the morning, he and one of his friend's girlfriend's friends were the only ones up, so she and he went around setting up to prank those still crashed out, and I felt a twinge of... something. I don't care that my SO slept over at his friend's house where there were also girls staying over as well. I don't feel threatened by the girl, especially since I'm aware he has female friends as well. I also have no reason to distrust him and I'd be willing to bank a whole lot on believing he wouldn't cheat on me. But I still felt an uncomfortable feeling.

I'm hesitant to identify it as jealousy? Simply because I'm aware of what jealousy feels like, and though it was reminiscent of it, if pure, raw jealousy were to be a point 10 on the emotional scale, 1-10, this feeling would have been about a 1 or a 2 in severity. It was simply like one of those slaps in the faces that we have over 5000 miles of distance between us? The fact that he and this girl set up to prank people, which I can see us being little shits doing? I'm not sure I can even explain it. xD I have heard people express jealousy at other people having that proximity and being able to engage in those things with their SO when they want to, and I could never figure out what was meant beyond a basic level, so maybe that's what this was?

I guess I wanted to know if I'm alone. The feeling lasted probably 10 minutes and I wasn't sulking over it or anything. It really was a max of 2 on a bothersome scale and it passed after a little bit. I'm still not sure why I even felt it though. There have been other situations where he's told me about conversations with female friends or in pictures etc. and they haven't bothered me or hit me quite in the same way. This really felt like a "wow, we have over 5000 miles between us!" moment and I'm not sure why I experienced it. I'm wondering if it perhaps tied into last night's dream (a manifestation of insecurity) or if maybe I'm at least a somewhat normal girlfriend for feeling this?

[princessmeg1328]

I think it was one of those "I want to do that with him" kind of feeling. I get that feeling whenever my fiance does something with a girl that I would want to do with him. You're definitely not alone in that feeling. My fiance and I also have 5000 miles between us so I know how much that distance can suck. Anyway, it was probably just a small amount of jealousy over the situation, not necessarily the girl. I think it's normal to want to be there doing things with him that other girls get to do. As long as you don't let it eat at you, you're fine.

[CynicalQuixotic]

I think you're overthinking this. You only get to see your SO once every couple months and he's having wacky hijinks with another girl, of course you're going to feel a little twinge of envy/jealousy/what have you, even though it was totally devoid of romantic feelings. I don't think it's something you need to worry about. One time JP went to a Reddit meetup and when an American expat girl couldn't catch a cab after the metro closed, he invited her to his apartment to hang out until the metro re-opened. Even though he told me about it as it was happening and I know he was just being nice, it still bothered me. So, I would just acknowledge to yourself that you felt something and try to move on.

ETA: Also, what princessmeg said.

[Haley53]

I'm trying not to overthink anything, I swear. D: Starting to feel like I shouldn't post anymore, since "overthinking" seems to be my vice, or maybe instead of "stop and ask if you've already communicated this to your SO," I should stop and ask if I'm overthinking. But honestly, I'm trying not to overthink it. If anything, I'm simply trying to understand why I had a feeling I've never experienced before in three years of knowing him and in over a year of being together with him as a couple. I'm sure no one's noticed (), but I hate it when I experience feelings I can't comprehend.

But thank you both for your responses~! I try to figure out the distinction between insecurity and genuine awareness of the distance simply because insecurity is something to work on (seeing as insecurity would crop up later on down the line, and I'm not really the sort to accept that I have an insecurity and use it as an excuse not to work on something that's interfering in places it shouldn't) and the other is more... well, a normal part of a LDR. Since this feeling is different to any I've had before, and a mix of the two, I suppose you both are right.

ETA: Come to think of it, actually, it's a bit reminiscent of when he says he has a really good time one-on-one with his male friends and I start feeling envy at wanting to be there and have those one-on-one times as well. Silly me.

ETAv2: Also, I wanted to add that I'm well aware it's nothing to worry about. I have absolutely no insecurity in our relationship in the cheat-y sense. He wouldn't cheat. Call me naive, but I really would be that girl thrown 100% off-guard if he did. Simply wanted to clarify because "I don't think it's something you need to worry about." made it sound like I'd communicated I'm worried about him and this girl, and I was more curious about the actual feeling. @_@

[Moon]

I think that's a pretty normal feeling, nothing to worry about. None of us in LDR's truly like to hear about our loved ones having fun with people of the opposite sex, even when we aren't the jealous type. It just feels a bit off, and can make you feel momentarily possessive, and a drop jealous, it's OK. I know for me, I can feel a bit "Hey! That's MINE" on occasion. Don't over-analyze it, it's simply human nature, especially when you know logically everything is cool.

[Haley53]

I think that's a pretty normal feeling, nothing to worry about. None of us in LDR's truly like to hear about our loved ones having fun with people of the opposite sex, even when we aren't the jealous type. It just feels a bit off, and can make you feel momentarily possessive, and a drop jealous, it's OK. I know for me, I can feel a bit "Hey! That's MINE" on occasion. Don't over-analyze it, it's simply human nature, especially when you know logically everything is cool.

I so love you for this post, Moon. It expressed EXACTLY the conflict I suppose I was feeling, and the exact issue too. I suppose I can close the thread now since there seems to be a consensus, and you all have helped me realise I'm not abnormal or anything. Thank all three of you!