So lately things have been amazing. I already love him so much, but lately I think we're really starting to fall for each other... it's a fantastic feeling.
Welllll, today at afterschool drama practice, something kind of bad happened. I'm going to give a lot of detail so you can understand how this just randomly happened and I didn't mean for it to...
I am a very touchy-feely person (some people make jokes that I am a hug addict, even; I hug -everyone-, just at random sometimes) and I just love to give hugs to people, it doesn't matter if I've known them five years or five seconds. Since it was a very casual discussion about the set for the musical rather than like a singing practice, we were all kind of messing around or having our conversations and while discussing props and such. I'm like really tiny (5'1" and petite) so it's always hilarious when I pretend to playfight with people, since everyone knows I couldn't actually do any damage if I tried. So I was playfighting with this guy who used to be a martial artist and I end up elbowing him in the stomach. Being me, after he winces I go, "Aww, let me give you a huggg. =D" I give him a hug and I fake like I'm going to attack him after the hug, so he says, "Ah-ha! I knew you would do something like that!" and tries to restrain me, ends up with his hand on my head and my arm is still around him from the hug. So I go, "Ugh, Derekkk!" and put my hand on my head too, trying to pull his hand away. He just drums his fingers on my skull and moves my head to show that it's impossible for me to defeat him, haha.
Okay, so that's innocent, since I would do that with absolutely anyone. A minute later I let my hand drop to my side, expecting him to finally pull out of the hug and take his hand off me. But no... he drops his arm to my shoulder. I'm a little surprised, but it's not like it hasn't happened before since I have a lot of close male friends and a lot of them friendly-flirt with me. I don't want to make it awkward and be like, Ew, get off of me. >.> I haven't known Derek for long and he's been flirty, so I'm just kind of hovering there, assuming that's how he is and being squee because I'm getting a hug. So that would have been dandy too, if he had let go of me after like five minutes like everyone else.
He put his arm further around me after a minute and held it like that for like thirty minutes, until we had to leave practice, and I was just paralyzed and I just kind of stood there. After that he walked me back to my mom's room (she's a teacher), which is totally out of his way, and someone from practice suggested we were together and while I was laughing and being like, "Haha, what do you mean? What?" he looked embarassed/angry at the girl for suggesting it in front of me. I accidentally fell asleep on his shoulder at a Christmas party (ironically because in my half asleep stupor I thought he was my SO for a second), and ever since then he's been like this, I didn't think anything of it until today. Even my mom picked up on his body language and asked about it.
What do I do? I haven't told my SO. I'm not trying to brag but I'm kind of popular so a lot of guys attempt to pick me up, I would share the really lame pick up lines with my SO to try and share a laugh. But I realized he always seemed kind of withdrawn and annoyed when I brought it up, so I don't do that anymore. I feel like I should tell him, but I dunno how, especially since he would just tell me to go for it and be happy, even though it would kill us both inside. I don't even know what to do, because I'm going to be seeing Derek a few hours a week and maybe even on weekends (outside of drama altogether, we're both going to participate in this LARP thing). The obvious answer is say I'm taken but that would cause all kinds of new problems, since my mom would tell me I was lying since she doesn't support LDRs and she likes Derek and has already gotten my dad to approve of him taking me to prom... it's hard to deal with and it's confusing since I love my SO but I feel like a relationship nearby would be easier, even though I know deep down what my SO and I have is special and I am content with him in ways I don't think I could be content with anyone else.
Welllll, today at afterschool drama practice, something kind of bad happened. I'm going to give a lot of detail so you can understand how this just randomly happened and I didn't mean for it to...
I am a very touchy-feely person (some people make jokes that I am a hug addict, even; I hug -everyone-, just at random sometimes) and I just love to give hugs to people, it doesn't matter if I've known them five years or five seconds. Since it was a very casual discussion about the set for the musical rather than like a singing practice, we were all kind of messing around or having our conversations and while discussing props and such. I'm like really tiny (5'1" and petite) so it's always hilarious when I pretend to playfight with people, since everyone knows I couldn't actually do any damage if I tried. So I was playfighting with this guy who used to be a martial artist and I end up elbowing him in the stomach. Being me, after he winces I go, "Aww, let me give you a huggg. =D" I give him a hug and I fake like I'm going to attack him after the hug, so he says, "Ah-ha! I knew you would do something like that!" and tries to restrain me, ends up with his hand on my head and my arm is still around him from the hug. So I go, "Ugh, Derekkk!" and put my hand on my head too, trying to pull his hand away. He just drums his fingers on my skull and moves my head to show that it's impossible for me to defeat him, haha.
Okay, so that's innocent, since I would do that with absolutely anyone. A minute later I let my hand drop to my side, expecting him to finally pull out of the hug and take his hand off me. But no... he drops his arm to my shoulder. I'm a little surprised, but it's not like it hasn't happened before since I have a lot of close male friends and a lot of them friendly-flirt with me. I don't want to make it awkward and be like, Ew, get off of me. >.> I haven't known Derek for long and he's been flirty, so I'm just kind of hovering there, assuming that's how he is and being squee because I'm getting a hug. So that would have been dandy too, if he had let go of me after like five minutes like everyone else.
He put his arm further around me after a minute and held it like that for like thirty minutes, until we had to leave practice, and I was just paralyzed and I just kind of stood there. After that he walked me back to my mom's room (she's a teacher), which is totally out of his way, and someone from practice suggested we were together and while I was laughing and being like, "Haha, what do you mean? What?" he looked embarassed/angry at the girl for suggesting it in front of me. I accidentally fell asleep on his shoulder at a Christmas party (ironically because in my half asleep stupor I thought he was my SO for a second), and ever since then he's been like this, I didn't think anything of it until today. Even my mom picked up on his body language and asked about it.
What do I do? I haven't told my SO. I'm not trying to brag but I'm kind of popular so a lot of guys attempt to pick me up, I would share the really lame pick up lines with my SO to try and share a laugh. But I realized he always seemed kind of withdrawn and annoyed when I brought it up, so I don't do that anymore. I feel like I should tell him, but I dunno how, especially since he would just tell me to go for it and be happy, even though it would kill us both inside. I don't even know what to do, because I'm going to be seeing Derek a few hours a week and maybe even on weekends (outside of drama altogether, we're both going to participate in this LARP thing). The obvious answer is say I'm taken but that would cause all kinds of new problems, since my mom would tell me I was lying since she doesn't support LDRs and she likes Derek and has already gotten my dad to approve of him taking me to prom... it's hard to deal with and it's confusing since I love my SO but I feel like a relationship nearby would be easier, even though I know deep down what my SO and I have is special and I am content with him in ways I don't think I could be content with anyone else.
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