Uh oh.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

So lately things have been amazing. I already love him so much, but lately I think we're really starting to fall for each other... it's a fantastic feeling.

Welllll, today at afterschool drama practice, something kind of bad happened. I'm going to give a lot of detail so you can understand how this just randomly happened and I didn't mean for it to...

I am a very touchy-feely person (some people make jokes that I am a hug addict, even; I hug -everyone-, just at random sometimes) and I just love to give hugs to people, it doesn't matter if I've known them five years or five seconds. Since it was a very casual discussion about the set for the musical rather than like a singing practice, we were all kind of messing around or having our conversations and while discussing props and such. I'm like really tiny (5'1" and petite) so it's always hilarious when I pretend to playfight with people, since everyone knows I couldn't actually do any damage if I tried. So I was playfighting with this guy who used to be a martial artist and I end up elbowing him in the stomach. Being me, after he winces I go, "Aww, let me give you a huggg. =D" I give him a hug and I fake like I'm going to attack him after the hug, so he says, "Ah-ha! I knew you would do something like that!" and tries to restrain me, ends up with his hand on my head and my arm is still around him from the hug. So I go, "Ugh, Derekkk!" and put my hand on my head too, trying to pull his hand away. He just drums his fingers on my skull and moves my head to show that it's impossible for me to defeat him, haha.

Okay, so that's innocent, since I would do that with absolutely anyone. A minute later I let my hand drop to my side, expecting him to finally pull out of the hug and take his hand off me. But no... he drops his arm to my shoulder. I'm a little surprised, but it's not like it hasn't happened before since I have a lot of close male friends and a lot of them friendly-flirt with me. I don't want to make it awkward and be like, Ew, get off of me. >.> I haven't known Derek for long and he's been flirty, so I'm just kind of hovering there, assuming that's how he is and being squee because I'm getting a hug. So that would have been dandy too, if he had let go of me after like five minutes like everyone else.

He put his arm further around me after a minute and held it like that for like thirty minutes, until we had to leave practice, and I was just paralyzed and I just kind of stood there. After that he walked me back to my mom's room (she's a teacher), which is totally out of his way, and someone from practice suggested we were together and while I was laughing and being like, "Haha, what do you mean? What?" he looked embarassed/angry at the girl for suggesting it in front of me. I accidentally fell asleep on his shoulder at a Christmas party (ironically because in my half asleep stupor I thought he was my SO for a second), and ever since then he's been like this, I didn't think anything of it until today. Even my mom picked up on his body language and asked about it.

What do I do? I haven't told my SO. I'm not trying to brag but I'm kind of popular so a lot of guys attempt to pick me up, I would share the really lame pick up lines with my SO to try and share a laugh. But I realized he always seemed kind of withdrawn and annoyed when I brought it up, so I don't do that anymore. I feel like I should tell him, but I dunno how, especially since he would just tell me to go for it and be happy, even though it would kill us both inside. I don't even know what to do, because I'm going to be seeing Derek a few hours a week and maybe even on weekends (outside of drama altogether, we're both going to participate in this LARP thing). The obvious answer is say I'm taken but that would cause all kinds of new problems, since my mom would tell me I was lying since she doesn't support LDRs and she likes Derek and has already gotten my dad to approve of him taking me to prom... it's hard to deal with and it's confusing since I love my SO but I feel like a relationship nearby would be easier, even though I know deep down what my SO and I have is special and I am content with him in ways I don't think I could be content with anyone else.

[Gurl]

Is your SO THE one...Can you see yourself with him in 40 years? If so, don't let others pressure you into giving it up.....
If not, that doesn't mean you two should split by any means. You just have to decide what makes you happier...and be real about how you feel for your SO. Then you will KNOW what to do *most likely*
~Big Hugs~ This can be hard to deal with especially with your parents acting like you don't have an SO. Be strong and remember you have to live for YOURSELF first and foremost.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I can easily see myself with him for my whole life, what we want out of life physically, spiritually, and emotionally lines up really well. I won't know if he's "the one" until I actually go and start my permanent future with him, I think, but I'm pretty darn sure it's possible that he is.

I could deal with them not "acknowledging" him... but I live in a small town and my mom tries to matchmake me, like, "You know, if you wanted a North Carolina man AND a California one, then the -such and such- boy would be a good match." and then going ahead and getting my dad to give me permission to go to prom with Derek. My mom is always trying to set me up, I almost feel like she's actually trying to "distract" me from my SO. =/

And as a side note, my SO and I are "cuddling" now. I think I need to remember that it's not the same feeling, I feel much different when he holds me versus just a random friend trying to make a move.

[Gurl]

She could be. Have you talked to her about it? I know it can be difficult to have such an adult discussion with one's mother at your age...and sometimes it is because the mother still sees their child as a child still and not an adult or almost adult. Do you best to let her know that what she is doing is hurting you and how you feel about it...be respectful but firm. If you plan on riding out the distance until you two can be together, then tell her that and add that you would appreciate it if she gave your status as TAKEN the respect it deserves. Point out kindly that she'd probably not be trying to set you up so much if your SO was closer to you... (though odds are pretty even that she might be trying to break you two up...seems that is a mothers favorite activity when she has a teenaged daughter).

No matter what, stay strong and know you are making the best decisions for yourself, the rest of the world be damned. I can love someone without having to have their approval for things... which it seems you have down pat as well. You will find a way to cope I am sure.

[Zephii]

*hugs* This is the thing that everyone in an LDR fears I think - people fear it will happen to their SO and they wont know until too late, or when it happens to them it feels just as bad and confusing. You're not alone... But commitment means being strong enough to say "Sorry, I'm taken." and to draw boundaries. You need to realise that just because you personally are a huggy touchy kind of person, not everyone around you is the same and may read those singnals a lot different.
When you don't say something or move away after such a long period of time you are encouraging his attentions, you're telling him it's ok and you're open to more. If you can't say something, you need to get up and move at least. Or even spread your affection around more evenly so he realises he isn't "special"... or something.
As to if you should tell your SO... well... on one hand he deserves to know, and on the other, if you do tell him you risk that every time you're away from your desk/phone him becomeing suspicious or paranoid. I'd probably err on the side of not saying anything and not doing it again.
Yes, It would be easier to be with someone closer - but just remember that things of all kinds are more satisfying if you have to work for them a little.
Good luck *hugs*
Peace, Strength and Carrots xx

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I mentioned it to my SO by saying I was a hypocrite, since someone else had led me on like this before my SO and I got together and it really hurt me. We were talking through text, but I could definitely tell he was more than a little peeved at the idea -and he had a right to be, surely- but he didn't seem like he felt threatened or upset with me. He just said I should tell him how I feel (i.e. that I don't feel anything for him) and get it over with, since he personally hates it when people can't say what they mean ("God, it annoys me") and it will be "a thousand times more awkward if you lead him on another month." And that would be fine and dandy if my mom hadn't basically encouraged him to drive me home from the LARP maybe today/Sunday. My mom knows I don't like him like that. =P I'm going to just have to come out and be like, Look, I have a lover and he and I are very close, and I don't see you as more than a friend. But maybe nicer. >.>

Anyway! My SO and I had a slight annoyance between us the rest of the day, but I fell asleep texting him last night and when he realized I had, he said some sweet things for me to read when I woke up. So it would seem that all is well.