Dealing with Homesickness?

[Haley53]

Anyone have any suggestions for how to cope with homesickness?

I have been really easily aggravated off and on, especially at night (this is partially because newly cropped up sleeping habits of my SO have made it almost impossible for me to sleep, and there's only his room, his brother's room, and the living room - and his brother is often in the living room until 8 in the morning, gaming talking on his mic - so basically, I either sleep in my SO's room or don't at all; it's been taking me 3+ hours to get to sleep to the point he doesn't consistently wake me up), and have been having massive crying spells. I'm mostly missing my mother and my cat, and as much as I love being here and am having a wonderful time with my SO, I still feel miserably depressed and the undercurrent of sadness is sometimes distracting.

My SO has been really supportive, but it's still difficult. He won't have money to go out until next week (and I don't have the money for him, me, and his brother to go out, eat while out, etc.) so we've been restricted to the house. We went to the park which was nice, and we're going to go to another park today, braving the threat of rain which is what kept us from going out yesterday. I plan on running later, ran the other day and made my best time yet, but I still feel... sad, unless I'm out doing something that keeps my mind from wandering, even shopping. I'm not sure if a part of it is going from having a full schedule and routine to not having anything or the fact I'm not really sleeping or if it's only because I miss my mother and cat so immensely that everything hurts, or if it's all three.

But I really don't want homesickness to ruin my trip. Typically I'm okay because my visits have only been a month max, and a month seems doable, but this is two months and that leads to the thought of how next year, it's quite possible it'll be an entire year, and while I'm excited by the idea, I also end up spiralling. I spiral even when I think of the fact I'm leaving in September, not August. I've never been away from home this long, where my mother wasn't easily accessible on a daily basis. :/ Suggestions?

ETA: His sleeping habits are more like he makes noises in his sleep (talking, but not always), he literally crowds and tries to push me off the bed which has never happened before, and he currently is either suffering allergies or a cold, so he's been clearing his nose in his sleep by sniffing up, which creates the sound of an amplified snore. And I'm an extremely light sleeper and struggle with sleep even in the comfort of my own bedroom sometimes.

[lucybelle]

okay will reply as soon as this Olympic event is over...

Okay. So I think the first problem is that this time it's "real". I lived in Costa Rica for a year, but when I moved back with my SO I was miserable for the first two weeks. Because when I moved down, it was with the intention to never return to the USA to live. It wasn't so much that I missed my family or country, it was that this was going to become my new home, and it was frightening to me. So first off, give yourself some time. Let yourself be sad. It's okay. Like I said, I was miserable for 2 weeks, you only have a few days there!

So you miss your cat? Get another pet, one that's low maintenance and you can leave with your SO when you leave. Like a hermit crab or a fish tank or a gerbil. Maybe you miss taking care of something?

Finally, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. You don't have to have money to leave the house. Just walk around, talk to people, sit in a park and read a book or write in a journal. A good thing to do, and something I try to do every day, is find something you LOVE about your new country or city or whatever. A fancy coffee you couldn't get at home, the scenery, the smells, whatever. And remember how lucky you are every day too. Not only lucky enough to be with your SO, but to have the finances to afford to live in a foreign country for 2 full months! You have a GREAT life!

[Moon]

I'm trying to think of something helpful and comforting to say, but am not coming up with anything Sorry. I think you just need to give yourself time to adjust to your new environment, and realize now that you're getting older, you're going to have to move from your mom eventually anyway, and this is part of that process. At least this time, you know you get to go back. If it were my daughter, to be honest, I'd be sad if I knew she wasn't having a great time 'cause she missed me, I'd want her to have the best experience possible as a young women on the verge of striking out on her own.

Last month was our 7th visit. It was the first one where I consistently slept well the whole time I think it's because I'm so used to sleeping by myself, that having someone else there just screws with me, as nice as it is, it took forever, but I finally adjusted! It can be hard to adjust, even when you're doing something you want to be doing, it's OK.

[temporaryuser]

Lucybelle had some great ideas
ios there an animal shelter nearby? Or a vet office? Somewhere you could go and just have something to play with.
I have trouble sleeping the first few days of every visit. i am so used to sleeping alone, that even tho I love to snuggle, every time he moves, i wake up. There is always benedryl before bed. I can take 1, and it is just enought to take the edge off and help me relax.

[Yaaamiii]

Aside from the advice already given about coping with your new environment, here's some advice I have for the sleep deprivation...

Okay, so I don't know if this will be helpful at all, but here goes:

First, your lack of sleep might be frustrating you to no end and making you more irritable that usual. At least that's what happens to me when I'm sleep deprived. I'm much more emotional and cry at just about anything. Especially when the sleep deprivation piles up. xD

So last year my roommate was a very heavy snorer. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and realized that I woke up because of the snoring (and it takes me forever to fall back asleep once I've woken up!). The sleep deprivation would cause me to be moody during the day and during my classes, and I'd want nothing more than to go back to bed. I tried falling asleep before her but that wasn't always possible with my LDR because my SO and I use the night to talk and catch up. Finally, my SO came up with a genius idea. He told me to go on to www.simplynoise.com

This website was a LIFESAVER. I spent the second half of my spring semester in sleep bliss jaja. I just put on some headphones at night and turned up the brown noise (white and pink noise were annoying...) and fell asleep. The best part was I stayed asleep. For some reason it helped me not think about anything, I couldn't hear the snoring, and it cleared my mind so I could fall asleep quickly. You could always give that website a try. It saved me from insanity, no lie. Sleep deprivation is serious stuff! xD

Hope this made sense! xD I'm watching an old TV show at the same time as typing this so I'm not sure my thoughts made sense.

[Kiyama]

You've already got great advice here but I'd still like to add something.

I don't think you have to worry about the year you'll spend away. You can't compare that. Now you're over there for a holiday and you have nothing much to do. Having a job and a regular life changes a lot
Maybe you could also try and find a meet up group to join (like an expat group for example). I did that when I was in the US for longer last year and it helped a lot to meet people in a similar situation I was in.

I can relate with regard to difficulties with sleeping. My SO can be a heavy snorer. Not always but at times it would drive me mad. I put ear plugs in when he starts snoring, which helps a lot but I still don't sleep as sound as I do alone in my bed at home. Maybe you get used to it in time? There is no real solution unfortunately, especially when you can't leave the room but to learn to deal with it.

Generally you should give yourself time to get used to being with your SO. You've only been there for a few days and it's ok to be homesick. Hang in there and I'm sure things will be fine eventually *hugs*.

[Haley53]

@lucybelle - Thank you. I suppose it being "real" is a good way of describing it. I suppose I feel that way because I know the next school year will fly by, and being so far away from my family... It's a scary thought, since the most I've lived on my own before was partial weeks my first and second year of university. I imagine I'll figure it out though, and you definitely gave some good suggestions for how to handle it (finding something I love about the country every day, being patient with myself, etc.), so I'll take those and use them, thank you. Journalling might also help, since I feel so removed from everyone due to the 8-hour time difference, which makes it hard to even talk with those back home the first week or two.

I'll probably be more inclined to visit a shelter than get an easy to take care of pet. xD I have a dog and a rat but I don't miss them nearly as much as my cat, who is almost like a security blanket. We're practically inseparable and I suppose there's the guilt of the fact he often does nothing but sleep on my pillow or meow around the house when I leave. :/ The first time I went away when I was about 9 (I've had him since 7), I was gone for a week, and he sat by the door and didn't move, only drinking even though my mother brought food and water bowls to him. He literally stared at the front door until I came home and then things resumed to normal. So I suppose it's a combination of us being inseparable and him being much like the dog in My Dog Skip and knowing that while my other pets are happy to spend time with my mother, my cat actually suffers a bit from my absence. Going to see some animals at a local shelter might help though, or at least keep my mind off it.

As far as getting out of the house, I think I need to more. It started storming yesterday as we got home, about 5 minutes after, and we left the park because the threat of a storm was hanging in the air. My SO doesn't seem as keen on leaving the house as I am, but maybe I need to convince him a few more times and then I can start walking about on my own. I don't want to get lost as we have no way of contacting each other. That said, it's also hard for him to give me instructions to anywhere as he's not sure he knows the area himself. He knows how to get a few select places, but that's about it. I wonder if I could convince him to come walking somewhere with me... and I know I want to walk to the beach. I suppose it simply feels strange walking into a house where everyone's been depressed for several months and haven't hardly left except to run errands (maybe it's an aura? I dunno). I don't want to push my SO into doing anything he doesn't want to, but maybe urging him to come out with me more would be good for him too.

@Moon - I know my mother wants me to have a great time, and doesn't really want me to spend time missing her. It's simply... hard. I'm aware that I'm at the age I'll be moving out soon, and in grad school, I'll be in my own place, but I'll likely be staying around the bay area and going home every weekend. Part of it is hard because my mother and I do everything together. :/ Maybe it's strange for a 21-year-old girl, but when it comes down to it, she really is my best friend and one of the people I'd choose to hang out with over anyone. But it's for that reason it's sometimes hard to rationalise my feelings with "I'd be moving out anyway." When she was younger, she also visited her parents every weekend, and so the idea of not having that available, even if it'd only be for a year, is hard for me. I suppose right now, though, the thing I need to not do is focus on next year on a two month visit. I should focus on dealing with next year when next year comes round.

@subeasley - I have an oxymoronic reaction to Benadryl. I tend to get hyper if I take it. But I'm not sure if there's an animal shelter anywhere near. I'll look to see if there's one within walking distance, and I may even front the bus fare if we need to take the bus. It's not that expensive and I'm missing furry interaction beyond oggling the dogs at the park.

@Yaaamiii - Thank you! I'll definitely try that. My phone signal for internet is wonky in his room, but I'll try it, and I have my iPod, so even if that won't work, maybe I can consider putting together a playlist of soothing music and listen to that at bedtime. Currently, I'm trying reading, which is enough to relax me but not enough to keep me asleep, so maybe I need music to help with that.

@Kiyama - That's true. I do feel like a part of my homesickness comes down to potential stir craziness, in addition to missing everyone else. Running and going to the park... It's hard to stay out long due to the weather (yesterday we went to the park despite the rain and it got really windy and poured about 5 minutes after we came back to the house). I suppose that will be different than when I'm working, joined up with an ex-pat group, and probably signed up for classes or a gym membership. I guess I simply have such an active life at home (kickboxing, swimming, running, running in a big group, and walking daily on the beach, in addition to work) that going from that to only having running available has been a massive change for me. I plan to try and get into a routine here, though, sleeping at a reasonable time as opposed to 2am+ in the morning, getting up early, running at a semi-regular time, and eating more properly. I haven't eaten much since I've been here. Maybe I also need to do what lucybelle suggested and find things to love about here, since I'm also homesick for my area/the beach in general (I experienced this last time as well... I was so stir crazy simply from being in the city/so removed from nature).

I'm hoping it will get better. :/ He didn't crowd me off the bed as much though he seemed to move closer for cuddles. xD I'm someone who likes space when she sleeps, even if to fall asleep we pile on top of each other, so maybe it's a matter of simply getting used to sharing a bed.

Thank you everyone. <3

[temporaryuser]

you can always make him take the benadryl ;-)

[snow_girl]

You mentioned something about not wanting to go out and get lost. Why not get a cheap 15 euro phone with a small pay as you go top up? I got my mom here while she was here for the week, totally worth it.
Have you been able to skype with your mom and cat?

[Haley53]

@subeasley - LOL. Good point.

@snow_girl - I've actually considered that. My SO has also suggested it to me. We are headed out to the city tomorrow. Maybe I will ask him more about it. Thanks!

I'm skyping with mom tonight. I will see if she's willing to get a cheap cam. Or maybe my sister will allow my mother to use hers. I imagine the skype will help. I also went for a run and I feel pretty relaxed/good, so I will keep up with that too. I forget how antsy I get without keeping my exercise up.

[lucybelle]

You mentioned something about not wanting to go out and get lost. Why not get a cheap 15 euro phone with a small pay as you go top up? I got my mom here while she was here for the week, totally worth it.
Have you been able to skype with your mom and cat?

This is what I was going to say. When I went to Germany just for 2 weeks I bought a 9Euro sim card that came with 10Euro of credit on it. Easy peasy pumpkin pie. I had a phone number where people could reach me.

[Haley53]

This is what I was going to say. When I went to Germany just for 2 weeks I bought a 9Euro sim card that came with 10Euro of credit on it. Easy peasy pumpkin pie. I had a phone number where people could reach me.

I'll ask him about this tonight.

Just got off Skype with my mother, which helped brighten my spirits immensely.