once they get you, they stop doing whta it took to get you?

[Misspetite]

Early morning text messages, bedtime phonecalls,suprises during the day to let you know that they're thinking of you.BUt when you make it official and let your guard down and give yourself to the other person,those little things that are classed as 'romantic' suddenly decrease until they are non existent. Why is this?

[sewbama]

Is this happening to you? Because it isn't always that way. My guy calls me every night, texts me in the morning (and all day depending on schedules), and does little things to show he's thinking of me. We've been together for a year and nine months. (though part of that was CD, the beginning and now are LD)

If you feel like he isn't paying enough attention to you, or his actions make you feel he doesn't care, tell him! He isn't a mind reader. You have to let him know that you think those things are important. And a lot of what you mentioned is communication, which anyone here will tell you is the most important thing to an LDR. You need to talk to him about how much you want to talk to him. Relationships require talking about your feelings and needs, and figuring out how to make two people happy together. It doesn't always just magically end up the way you want it. It takes work. So you put in your part by telling him how you feel and listening to how he feels. If he still isn't giving you what you need, then it might be time to look at whether or not you should be together. But now is not that time.

[Trepis]

I agree with Sewbama, communication is so vital, you need to be able to ask for what you want in a LDR and be open and understanding to what your partner wants.

I am curious what you mean in the thread title but 'Got You' do you mean you two have closed the distance now? I've read a few threads here where partners behaviours changed once they were living together. Again, this likely comes down to expectations , if your partner saw all those little communications as just a tool to sustain a LDR, then they could think that it's no longer necessary if you are physically together now. Any abrupt change in behaviour should be talked about, there are so many possibilites.

You're title also suggests that you think this is normal behaviour in a relationship, or this sort of thing alawys happens, I will say I think healthy relationships always have a degree of this, but then , I am in my first healthy relationship in a decade ( or ever maybe ) so I might not be a good source

Best wishes,
Trep

[Kanga]

Are you talking about the things he did up to him asking you out to be his girlfriend?

[Zephii]

Sometimes we get comfortable and lazy... so we need to be reminded not to take our SOs for granted. Just tell him you still expect those gestures, and remember that you also have to put in the same effort.

If it always stopped being great, people would never stay together. But you do have to work at it sometimes.

[Jayburr]

I think what Misspetite is saying is that once you've impressed your SO, gone the distance to meet them and made things official, the constant effort in communication lessens considerably because NOW, you're already together.

I am experiencing a little of this myself with my SO, and I really wish she'd check her phone more often! I don't expect constant text messages or phone calls, we both have lives and I understand that. However, at the moment, she is doing an internship and basically only works half the day, so she gets home much sooner than I. What bothers me is that I can text her or call her and it takes anywhere from 20 minutes to a few hours before I get any kind of reply... And if I don't try to contact her at all, I often won't hear anything from her until midnight (2am her time). It just makes me think to myself, "it's 2am your time and you just now thought of me?" It makes me feel like I'm not much of a priority, and that I'm never on her mind.

Before we met in person, she used to frequently call and text me, and if I didn't reply right away or we didn't talk at all on a particular day, she would leave me messages saying that she misses me and is wondering where I am, how my day is going, etc... I don't get much of that now and I'm not sure how to go about telling her that I wish I was on her mind as much as she's on mine... >.< At the same time I don't want to push it when she could easily be doing the same things I occasionally do (i.e. waiting for the other person to text/call first).

[notyourexgirlfriend]

None of that has happened here. The morning texts still happen. The 'just because' gifts, surprise letters and general 'I'm thinking of you' messages haven't stopped either. I thought it would after time but over a year and a half later and he still does it. It's very sweet. I've never been showered with this much affection before. I guess I should consider myself lucky.

[Rosalynn]

Yep! When you meet someone you present this awesome version of yourself that you would like to be like. But in actually you're not and eventually you let the real you out. But if you're lucky you'll snag a guy who's real self is something you can live with. But before you get all angry at this process that happens in the beginning or relationship, remember that you do it too!

[Haley53]

To an extent, sure. We've definitely reached a point of comfort in our relationship, for example, but not to the point where we don't take the time to talk to one another or do for each other what the other finds important. In the end, a part of what it comes down to is the foundation of your relationship, continuing to work on building something that's not reliant on, say, good morning text messages to feel loved and appreciated and a foundation that means they're sent anyway simply because your partner wants to do something for you! https://members.lovingfromadistance....ship-Exercises! Here are some recommended exercises for helping with that.

That said, sometimes this happens for some couples. It doesn't mean you're doomed, but it DOES mean you need to communicate! Sometimes people fall into the comfortable stage and while that's not necessarily bad, it can be damaging if one partner uses it as an excuse to get lazy on the other. In this situation, I would, honestly, talk to him! Tell him that you miss x, y, or z and ask him if maybe you both can make a point to do it more. If it's good morning text messages, tell him you miss talking in the morning and would like to put in more of an effort so you can both have that again. Find out what he's willing to give and where you're willing to bend, and compromise. We all have needs, and no one is a mind reader, so it's up to you to communicate those needs to him.

[Tanja]

As long as we were LD those little things were there but when we lived together, not so much. Once you get to a certain level of comfortable-ness and confidence (meaning you know you've sealed the deal and your partner is gonna stick with you) it's easy to forget that you still gotta make an effort to make things work. No-one likes being taken for granted but sadly that happens a lot. Make an effort and don't be afraid to ask the same in return.

[Jayburr]

https://members.lovingfromadistance....ship-Exercises! Here are some recommended exercises for helping with that.

Great topic posted there Eclaire, ty

[elina]

When we were LD, my SO would do loads of little things to make me smile/feel good, like leave loads of notes during visits and send sweet emails/texts and surprise me somehow but now that we've lived together for quite some time, not so much anymore It still totally makes my day if he sends me a simple text saying "I love you" when I'm at work or scribble a heart or something on the margarine (haha) that I'll notice when I need butter..

I guess it's him living in Finland, out of his comfort zone that he's not done that much stuff anymore but I wouldn't mind if it was a bit more frequent, to be honest.. I'm not saying he's taking me for granted or anything, cause he does do stuff, I just love stuff like that, so I can't get enough of it.

Also, is it really so bad that I want him to get me flowers at least once in my life? I remember before we met, he said he'd buy me flowers but now when I ask (yeah, I've asked him to because I'd love him to get me some), he says he doesn't wanna spend money on such things.. .___. 2 euros a year for a flower to make me happy.. is too much to ask, apparently.. He bought some for his ex, though, so...... nice one.

But yeah, I suppose that doesn't always happen but if it's happened to you, you're not the only one Maybe he just needs reminding.

[carbonell2910]

This might not have happened because he loves you less now, it's just that he doesn't feel he has to put a lot of effort in the relationship now that you are more into him. What you have to do is to focus more on your own stuff and stop calling him first. But when he calls you have to be nice, sweet and interesting! I'm sure you are! Right? Whats your favorite dessert? What would happen if you eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday? It wont be your favorite anymore Give him space and never tell him he is not as romantic as he was at the beginning.