Should i get sad?!?!?!?

[biebershawty013]

okay me && my s/o well we consider each other as were dating. HE really really really considers me as his gf. but we are gunna wait until we see each other to make it official . Hes a blonde & i said that i always wanted a blonde bf , but then he said well you are soon . hes like saying we ARE NOT DATING !!!! -_________- plus he wants me to wait 2 or 3 years to see him & we arnt even dating but we LOVE EACH OTHER. should i be sad becuase technically iam not his gf but he considers me as if i was.?
What is youre opinion?!


** Plus i really love him. well he was the first one to tell me that he liked me then that he fell for me. & you probably think oh shes a stupid teenager , she doesnt know about love or what love is. well i might be young but yes i love him. i had the baddest relationships ever but he was the kind of guy i was looking for && i found him**

[notyourexgirlfriend]

It sounds like you're both on different pages with how you view your relationship status. Maybe it's time that you both had the DTR (define the relationship) talk. I say this because you seem more invested than he is. If it were me, I'd feel sad but I'd also be looking at my relationship and wondering whether I should go on because of the lack of commitment. It's something only you can decide.

[prinzeza87]

ummmmmmm more than sad id be confused n with time that surely would annoy me, so talk to him let him know how u feel about that

[pretty ll vacant]

I think that you're over analyzing things. You are very young and have a lot of your life ahead of you .. The guy that I "loved" at 15 has long since left the picture and I've met many other people since. By no means whatsoever am I saying that the two of you won't last, I'm just trying to tell you that a lot of things are going to change about you in the next few years of your life. He is rationally thinking, and you have got to slow it down. Don't worry so much about what your title is at the moment, be glad that you have him the way that you do and enjoy it. You shouldn't let your life be completely wrapped up in him either, like I said you're young, don't lose yourself because you're trying to be with him so badly. I did something similar with an ex of mine and ended up wasting 3 years of my life that I will never get back. Please don't take this as me being mean because i am not meaning to come off that way at all. I just thought I would provide a little insight from an older perspective. The best quote about love says that it is patient.

[Darth_Taco]

You need to simply talk to him about the present. Don't worry about where your relationship is going for now, just try to figure out where it is. From what I get from all your posts though, I think he wants to be exclusive. The issue has to do with both your ages and the fact that he could be facing felony charges if he gets caught. For his protection, you can't make this into a serious relationship until you're 18.

[Tooki]

You guys are really young

#1: I understand him wanting to meet you before you become official. I did that with my gf. No problema whatsoever
#2: I don't get waiting a couple of years before you WANT to meet up.

[ChibiFelicia]

well due to the fact that you aint of age yet, i can understand why he wants to wait till you hit 18.

[Haley53]

For his protection, you can't make this into a serious relationship until you're 18.

This answers why he doesn't want to meet you until you turn 17-18, so thank you DT (I was confused xD).

@OP: I still feel it's a bit silly. Sex is important, but I have never understood why the first meeting has to be based around the possibility of it. Plenty of people meet for the first time and don't get into bed with one another. Plenty of people - yes, in LDRs - take their time, and there's nothing wrong with it, not to mention that it's not your relationship that's illegal. It's the sexual relationship. You both can be romantic with one another; you simply can't be sexual with one another. And quite honestly, it's very unlikely to result in charges unless someone catches wind of it and decides to pursue it and has proof that you two have had sexual interaction with one another. The age of consent laws aren't typically forced unless they're pursued. If they were, a lot of high school relationships wouldn't exist.

That said, this was my SO and I originally. He wanted to wait until we met to make us "official," even though we were "exclusive," but I eventually had a hard time not knowing what "we" were. It'd been 4 months, and we were still undefined. Commitment or not, it made it hard to talk about, especially when people understood less than I did. There were days I could see his logic and days it simply frustrated me because words like "boyfriend" slipped out. More often than not, though, it felt like we were in some awkward in between stage, exclusive, but not committed, and it bothered me. Sure, maybe now I'm more like the people I admired then, the people who could do without labels fine and were confident enough not to care if definition is there and what people thought, but at 18, with someone I loved... I can't say that I had that much confidence, faith, and security in me or in my relationship at the time. And how could I? We hadn't met yet, and we were new to the relationship with one another.

What I can suggest is talking to him about it. It may not turn out the way that you want, and you may not get to use the label that you're after (this is also where you have to separate "dating" from boyfriend/girlfriend. Calling someone your "boyfriend" is, to me, more a sign of commitment than dating or exclusivity), but I think telling him how you feel when he corrects you when you mention things like wanting a blonde boyfriend might be helpful. It will explain your confusion, and it will open the door to talking about what he wishes to be called and what your arrangement actually is. Tell him you understand he wants to wait until you both meet to call one another boyfriend/girlfriend, but I'd also ask him what does that mean for your relationship in the meantime? If you can't see yourself doing it with him if there's no commitment, tell him. Tell him you don't know if you could do a relationship in which you both get to see other people because the titles aren't there. Be honest. Lay it out on the table. Discuss! Communication is key.

Also, as far as age and people pointing out how young you both are, so what? Love is about perspective. Love changes as people get older. What love is to me now is not what love was to me several years ago, and what love will be when I'm married and have children will probably be different to how I see love now. Love changes, matures, and grows with the individual. It doesn't mean that at 15, you can't be in love. What it does mean is that you should focus on the present, and I would suggest this to anyone (hypocritical as it may be, as I struggle with it myself), whether they were 15 or 50, because the future is never what it seems. Sometimes you're focused on looking so far ahead that you miss out on the beauty that's surrounding you now. It's hard for people to stay in the present moment - really hard. It's why there are practices dedicated to continuing to achieve it, meditation being one of them and part of why it's hard to be good at it. It doesn't mean it's impossible to bring yourself back with a conscious hand. That said, to me this sounds like more of a problem of a lack of definition in the relationship than a problem for the future.

ETA: Also, while it's important not to lose yourself, it's also important to remember that our universe wastes nothing. There are things I've done I wish I could take back. There are things I wish never happened to me. There are positions I wouldn't even have gone if I knew what I do now. They are all things that make me who I am. They were all lessons and trials I had to get through. I know people are big about not wasting your life or not missing out on your years because of a relationship, and you have to think about what he wants and have an honest conversation, and see if it fits with what YOU want, even if it doesn't work out, but I think we often forget that nothing is wasted. Everything has a lesson and a blessing. Everything has this little pearl of truth and wisdom that we depart with. Sometimes we don't see it right away, but it's always there. My point is, you need to choose your individual path based on what you want at this time and moment. It will change mostly, moment to moment, and the best we can do is go through life honouring that.

[Jgui]

the worse feeling one can ever get is to be on different pages with a person they're interested in. I think it's time for you and your SO to define the relationship and where its heading. it's unfair for you to invest you time, love, and energy into this when it's all just a game to him. Its never easy bring up "the talk" but at certain times it's a must do.

Good luck

[temporaryuser]

Why do you have to have a title? Why cant you just enjoy what you have and enjoy talking with him? He seems to understand the age difference and what trouble it could bring and wants to take things slowly. he wants to have the time to get to know you. Just enjoy that.