Final straw..

[Yaaamiii]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. :/ Breakups are never easy but please know and understand that you did nothing wrong. A relationship is a two-way street. Best of luck to you, do your best to stay focused on you and heal. Sending hugs your way.

[dglynn77]

*hugs*
Just wanted to add that every post of yours that I have read has led me to believe you are a strong, supportive, caring person. I feel like so many times you could have taken the "easy" road and walked away, but you stuck with him through everything. If that wasn't a spectacular show of caring and love and support, then he does not know what he is looking for! He has no idea what he is missing.
again, *hugs* and prayers as you continue to be a strong, amazing, confident person!

[Manoek]

Thanks again everyone! You guys give great advise and are so supportive! This really helped a lot!!

At this point I don't have any contact with him what so ever because he is back in rehab, and he should be for the next 5 weeks. Its nice, because I really want to folllow him in his life, so I don't want to delete him from FB (yet), but I also don't want to see the whole 'make your ex jealous phase' on FB.

I did asked his dad for the address, so maybe I could write him a letter. I'm not sure if I should, and then again... the contact would come from me again instead of him. Its not that I want to get back together, but maybe explain myself some more? But maybe I shouldn't. If he has questions he knows where to find me... Maybe I will just write it anyway and don't send it.. Because there is still so much I want to say to him.

I don't know what it is with me and these men.. My ex boyfriend 3 years a go, didn't have a job, didn't finish school, didn't had a driverse license and was living at home.. When I broke it off with him, within 3 months, he finished school, got a job in Amsterdam, moved there and had his license..

Dude really... Do I have to break up with a guy again to get his act together.. -__-

[alesitag]

I don't know what it is with me and these men.. My ex boyfriend 3 years a go, didn't have a job, didn't finish school, didn't had a driverse license and was living at home.. When I broke it off with him, within 3 months, he finished school, got a job in Amsterdam, moved there and had his license..

Dude really... Do I have to break up with a guy again to get his act together.. -__-

My ex-boyfriend for 5.5 years stopped watching porn all the time, cut off contact with friends i didnt like, dropped around 30 kg, stopped being all mexican-macho like and became sensitive, writting poems and stuff... Started being more religious... All this right after i broke up with him... Im glad he chabged that much, but it is a bit frustrating right?

[notyourexgirlfriend]

So sorry to read this (hugs).

[Sanney4709]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you feel better and find some one who will treat you right.

[FierceFoxie]

Thanks again everyone! You guys give great advise and are so supportive! This really helped a lot!!

At this point I don't have any contact with him what so ever because he is back in rehab, and he should be for the next 5 weeks. Its nice, because I really want to folllow him in his life, so I don't want to delete him from FB (yet), but I also don't want to see the whole 'make your ex jealous phase' on FB.

I did asked his dad for the address, so maybe I could write him a letter. I'm not sure if I should, and then again... the contact would come from me again instead of him. Its not that I want to get back together, but maybe explain myself some more? But maybe I shouldn't. If he has questions he knows where to find me... Maybe I will just write it anyway and don't send it.. Because there is still so much I want to say to him.

I don't know what it is with me and these men.. My ex boyfriend 3 years a go, didn't have a job, didn't finish school, didn't had a driverse license and was living at home.. When I broke it off with him, within 3 months, he finished school, got a job in Amsterdam, moved there and had his license..

Dude really... Do I have to break up with a guy again to get his act together.. -__-

I don't think there is anything wrong with removing him as a friend on Facebook. If you know checking his activity is going to drive you into a frenzy, then I would unfriend.

I am also real big on closure and I think it would be a good idea to write that letter and snail mail it to him. It will help both of you to accept what is done is done and helps lead you to the next chapter in your life which is healing and pressing onward to find someone more deserving of your love and admiration.

[SquishyLove]

I actually advise to write the letter, but not to send it. Again, people like your ex are unable to understand these sorts of things because everything is "me, me, me" with substance abusers who are caught up in the worst of it. You can tell him your reasons for how you feel, but there's no guarantee he'll take it well or even understand it. It has a small potential to open up a dialogue that's positive, but a huge potential to add to his you-bashing campaign. As far as social networking goes, what you can do, if you're not willing to see the "jealous ex" phase on fb but still want to keep him on there is to make it so he can't post things on your wall, etc. (but can still send messages privately) and hide him from your news feed for the time being. It's all in your account and privacy settings somewhere.

TBH, I kinda wanted to "spy" on my ex on fb too after we broke up, and after he and his new victim (I mean girlfriend) moved out of state together. But what sucked is that he had a job lined up within a week of moving there. He registered for classes at a local college. These are things he absolutely refused to do while he was with me. It infuriated me to no end that suddenly he was acting different. I decided to unfriend after that and chalk it up to a thing of my past because for me, it was unhealthy to "spy" because it just made me angry and bitter. And I had thought initially that he and I would remain friends because we had a 7-year history, but it actually turned out I didn't want him as a friend, because he did a lot of things to me that friends just shouldn't do to each other. I got rid of almost every gift he gave me. Nice things, I gave away to friends. Random things that I didn't think others could use, I just threw away. I kept one thing, a book, because it's a good book that I like and plan to re-read, and it's now out of print. I did tear out the blank, front page where he wrote a message. For me, it was a cleansing. After no contact and getting rid of stuff from him, I felt much better.

My life started to get better after breaking up with my ex, and getting him out of my life opened up the door to meeting my TRUE, true love. And I wouldn't have met my husband if I didn't dump the loser and move on, as well as take care of myself and start to love MYSELF. You have to love yourself first before you can find true love with anyone else, I strongly believe.

Edited to add: I wanted to reinforce that while it's frustrating to see exes reforming after you've broken up with them, try not to think of it that way in light of any future relationships you may have. You might just have this thing for going after guys who have a lot of problems. It's a subconscious thing, and I used to have the same problem when I was younger. Every boyfriend I had before I met my husband was someone who had a lot of issues and problems. My first love was mentally ill and with substance abuse problems. My second boyfriend had extremely low self-esteem and couldn't manage himself financially. My third was the infamous drunk ex I always mention on here, couldn't hold a job very long, an alcoholic, and displayed symptoms of histrionic personality disorder with some narcissism peppered in with it. That's an armchair diagnosis, but almost all his major traits fit the bill for some of both disorders. I thought my love would help each guy, and it didn't. I made a pact with myself after the third relationship that I would watch VERY carefully for any red flags in the future, and as painful as it could be, end any relationships with people who displayed these red flags before I got too close. Being a little picky never hurt anyone, and I decided I'd much rather be alone than end up in another dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship with someone who has so many problems again. It's just too stressful and you can't fix or change them. And no matter how supportive you are of them, they will always find a way to put some blame on you for their own failures and shortcomings. It's just not healthy to be with people like that.

I met my husband online, and he's from Russia, so we were really far away from each other. I told him early on that I wanted each of us to write a letter to each other with a list and details of what we saw in ourselves as imperfections and shortcomings. I told him that I wanted to know what he thought his personal flaws are, and I wanted him to know mine. The reason being, when people get together, they often work to hide their flaws. I had this feeling we would be together forever, so I wanted us to be transparent with each other. We also had long and serious talks about substance use. It's kind of a stereotype about Russians that they like to drink, but that stereotype is based somewhat on true statistics. Alcoholism is prevalent there. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that he wasn't a big drinker and while he experimented in college, he didn't like to be drunk very often. Now he doesn't even get drunk at all anymore. He was a smoker when we met, but decided to quit. He had his shit together. College graduate, steady employment, good work ethic, very kind and gentle with people. His perceived "flaws" are things I could live with completely, nothing that was a big deal. I strongly advise learning to recognize red flags and spotting them on the horizon before investing a lot in any future partners. Try to train yourself away from attracting these types. Tell people up-front what behaviors you are NOT willing to tolerate whatsoever. It's better to be alone and stress-free than with someone and always stressed out.

I will also tell that some girls find "bad boys" to be exciting and guys who have it all together to be "boring." Again, a cliche that isn't always true, but after ending things with the ex, I decided from there on out I'd give the next nice guy a chance. It worked out strongly in my favor, and my nice guy is anything BUT boring! He's funny, smart, and also likes to go on adventures, but he's not a reckless or unstable person. You can find a mix of exciting and stable/responsible. They exist out there, but they're hard to spot.

Sorry for rambling...I just felt a resonance with your story. Take care of yourself and love yourself above all right now! Don't worry about him. Just think of yourself, because you deserve it!

[Manoek]

Thanks everyone for your support!

I don't think there is anything wrong with removing him as a friend on Facebook. If you know checking his activity is going to drive you into a frenzy, then I would unfriend.

I am also real big on closure and I think it would be a good idea to write that letter and snail mail it to him. It will help both of you to accept what is done is done and helps lead you to the next chapter in your life which is healing and pressing onward to find someone more deserving of your love and admiration.

I actually advise to write the letter, but not to send it. Again, people like your ex are unable to understand these sorts of things because everything is "me, me, me" with substance abusers who are caught up in the worst of it. You can tell him your reasons for how you feel, but there's no guarantee he'll take it well or even understand it. It has a small potential to open up a dialogue that's positive, but a huge potential to add to his you-bashing campaign. As far as social networking goes, what you can do, if you're not willing to see the "jealous ex" phase on fb but still want to keep him on there is to make it so he can't post things on your wall, etc. (but can still send messages privately) and hide him from your news feed for the time being. It's all in your account and privacy settings somewhere.

TBH, I kinda wanted to "spy" on my ex on fb too after we broke up, and after he and his new victim (I mean girlfriend) moved out of state together. But what sucked is that he had a job lined up within a week of moving there. He registered for classes at a local college. These are things he absolutely refused to do while he was with me. It infuriated me to no end that suddenly he was acting different. I decided to unfriend after that and chalk it up to a thing of my past because for me, it was unhealthy to "spy" because it just made me angry and bitter. And I had thought initially that he and I would remain friends because we had a 7-year history, but it actually turned out I didn't want him as a friend, because he did a lot of things to me that friends just shouldn't do to each other. I got rid of almost every gift he gave me. Nice things, I gave away to friends. Random things that I didn't think others could use, I just threw away. I kept one thing, a book, because it's a good book that I like and plan to re-read, and it's now out of print. I did tear out the blank, front page where he wrote a message. For me, it was a cleansing. After no contact and getting rid of stuff from him, I felt much better.

My life started to get better after breaking up with my ex, and getting him out of my life opened up the door to meeting my TRUE, true love. And I wouldn't have met my husband if I didn't dump the loser and move on, as well as take care of myself and start to love MYSELF. You have to love yourself first before you can find true love with anyone else, I strongly believe.

I think I'm going to write it and not send it. Because we can't talk to each other because he is in rehab I really have now idea where he is with his thoughts. So if he is pissed or what ever, then the letter probably wont 'work', and will come across the wrong way. I really don't want him cut out off my life (yet) so i will wait till he is out of rehab and see where he is at with his feelings. Maybe after that we can still discuss our thoughts and talk about my letter, find some closure.

People ask me every day if I'm ok, but actually nothing really changed. I don't talk to my (ex) SO and i'm just working and what not. The only moment that I realised that I was single was when I went home from the bar last Friday, and normaly I always call D on my bike ride home. So I felt a little lonely, but that was about it.

And now I have to figure out what I want to do with my life, because I wanted to move to the US, and I've been working at the same company for 5 years now, and I'm so done with it!

So what to do? I was thinking about going back to school, but what! Or maybe travel, go work on a cruise ship for 6 months or so. I don't know.. Life just flipped 180..

[SquishyLove]

I was adding some stuff to my reply while you were replying. I recommend trying to do something completely different now that your options are open. Go on an adventure! The cruise ship thing sounds like it would be really exciting. I don't recommend college that you'd have to pay for out of pocket or go into debt for if you aren't sure what to do. Instead I would try to just get an interesting job like the cruise ship and travel around for awhile. It could be really fun!