not sure if feelings or reality

[dorabase93]

I'm having some weird feelings and I feel so unreasonable right now. I always try my best to do everything my SO asks me to do. I help her everytime she needs me, even if I'm having some of my own work. But recently, I think she's asking to help her with a lot of things. She asks me to carry her bag, getting her motorbike out of the parking lot, and other small things. But I'm not complaining, I feel fine helping her like that. However, I'm not having the same thing back. She's kind of a workaholic, so I can't ask her much to help me at those times. Today, when I was fixing some stuff and I was really tired, so I asked her to walk to the store (less than 500 meters away) and buy me my favourite drink. She refused and I just get back to my work. After a bit of silence she offered me some water. I can live that's fine to me, but I don't feel so comfortable with her refusal. Earlier, she asked me to get her stuff. I put them in one place and later, someone took it away while cleaning the room. She became annoyed and talked to me as if I was the one at fault. I was annoyed by her attitude also and talked loudly to her (not shouted).
The situation led me to thinking some other negative things, such as times when I did something wrong, she talked to me as if she's my big sister (she's 1 year older actually), and 99% of the time we fight and stop talking, I am the one who restart the conversation. I sometimes feel that she's dominant and I'm a servant. Half of me is saying that I'm too clingy and a wussy. the other half is saying that I'm not treated the way I want. I don't like talking much about this to her since I'm not sure yet, I'm tired right now and maybe it caused me these feelings.

[Zapookie]

Stand up to her - be firm about how you feel and don't let her boss you around or be her servant.

I have a friend who treats her boyfriend exactly the same. I'm not really sure if he's OK being her bus boy but he seems to enjoy it. She might think you like being bossed around? Have you ever talked about it? If not, you should.

My boyfriends contribution to this - "8=====D - that's a penis. You have it because you're a man, now act like it."

[tanaquil]

My boyfriends contribution to this - "8=====D - that's a penis. You have it because you're a man, now act like it."

:PPP amusing yet correct!

I'm one of those girls who can't stand watching other people's boyfriends act so pussywhipped (sorry for the vulgar term >_>) when it comes to their girlfriends -- I end up just getting annoyed at those girls. You definitely should talk to her about this, seeing as it's making you affect the way you think about yourself. She should understand that things should be equal in your relationship -- you're her boyfriend and not her valet!

Is she like this with her other friends or people around her?

[dglynn77]

I'm one of those girls who can't stand watching other people's boyfriends act so pussywhipped (sorry for the vulgar term >_>) when it comes to their girlfriends -- I end up just getting annoyed at those girls. You definitely should talk to her about this, seeing as it's making you affect the way you think about yourself. She should understand that things should be equal in your relationship -- you're her boyfriend and not her valet!

Agreed!!!

[Haley53]

:PPP amusing yet correct!

I'm one of those girls who can't stand watching other people's boyfriends act so pussywhipped (sorry for the vulgar term >_>) when it comes to their girlfriends -- I end up just getting annoyed at those girls. You definitely should talk to her about this, seeing as it's making you affect the way you think about yourself. She should understand that things should be equal in your relationship -- you're her boyfriend and not her valet!

Is she like this with her other friends or people around her?

I don't have a penis, but I'd sure as hell have a problem if someone were treating me this way. I don't think it's gender specific, or should be. It's irritating when anyone takes advantage of someone else's generosity, male or female.

To the OP: Are you unhappy because she's asking you to do things for her, or because she's not willing to return them? From your OP, it sounded more that you're upset she rarely returns the favour when you're so happy and willing to do things for her, more than you felt she was bossing you around and you fear you're "pussywhipped." While I'm normally an advocate of doing things without the intention of receiving them in turn, this is a little bit extreme in the sense it sounds like she's hardly willing to put in even less effort than you currently do. If it's more a matter of feeling hurt by the fact she's not willing to return the favour, I'd talk to her about it. Tell her you like making her happy and you like doing the little things for her, but sometimes, when you're exhausted or have had a hard day, you'd appreciate a little help out too. Bring up the example of the drink. Don't compare it to anything she's done, but simply tell her that you had had a trying day, were tired, and would appreciate it if once in a while, she could say "yes," even if it means going out of her way. If she doesn't like the idea, ask her about it. Talk to her about a compromise. Tell her that you sometimes feel underappreciated when she asks you to do things but refuses to do them for you, even if you're more than happy to help her out, and hear out her side of things. If she's unwilling to help out, then maybe it's time to set some boundaries with her. Either way, I wouldn't confront her about being bossy and underappreciative and shout at her about pussywhipping you into submission. She may not even realise she's doing this. Most people will take advantage of actions that are given to them - again, not always consciously - and not everyone is good at setting their own boundaries. Some people are really good about giving and taking. Others accept things or ask for things, but aren't always so good about realising that sometimes, being a partner means sacrificing what you immediately want. Others fall somewhere in between. I would simply have a conversation about how you're feeling underappreciated and would like a little bit more help out when you've had an exhausting day.