Really Frustrated!

[HeartInTexas]

So as the title says, I'm frustrated. I think I just really need to vent and let things out. But if anyone has advice, please do feel free to share.

Basically, I'm having trouble with my SO's schedule and general habits I guess. I adore him and am completely willing to work around his busy schedule. But some times little things build up more and more and it just makes me blow up. Lately, his schedule was switched to having mornings off, but then working in the evening. Some times he'll spend about an hour with me in the morning, but he leaves ASAP because the computer bugs him in the morning. So, I keep staying up late so I can spend some time with him after work. I've been going to sleep around 2am each night and having to get up at 6am for school. It's not just because I stay up late for my SO, it's also just having a busy mind and thoughts keep me awake. I just can't stop myself from doing it. I feel so anxious trying to sleep when I know my SO is awake. I don't know how to feel comfortable with it.

I'm annoyed that he has such an issue staying even a couple hours inside his house. He works 55+hrs so naturally he's out a lot. But when he's off work, he wants to be outside having adventures and seeing people etc. Which I can totally understand, since I want to be out all of the time too. But his interest in the computer grows less and less, and our time together is less, and it makes me feel lonely. He spends more free time playing his 360 than playing anything with me on the computer. He has a PS3 he could play with me, but whenever I ask him to play, he doesn't want to. I got him a game on the PS3 just so we could spend some more time together, and he's played it with me twice within 6 months. He can only call after 9pm too. Even if he could call at any time of day, he's horrible at keeping his phone charged.

He's also just sooo bad at texting, no matter what he's doing. I told him at the very least, stop saying just "Lol" or sending just an emoticon as a response. It's annoying trying to think of what to say to "lol" or an emoticon. It annoys me further that he'll keep doing it even when I told him it bugs me. It feels like he's not listening to me, or if he is, he doesn't care what I have to say. I'm also annoyed that he's okay with texting and driving, but it's apparently too difficult to text while walking or watching Netflix. I also get annoyed when he doesn't say when he's going to go do something that will take a lot of time. For instance, kung fu. He'll just vanish for a few hours and leave me to assume that he's left. Then when I did the same to him, he got super worried and I'm hoping he finally understands what it feels like.

I feel like I'm putting more effort into things than he is. Maybe I'm just being too clingy. Maybe I'm just being cranky from not sleeping much. A friend of mine that closed the distance with his SO told me I just need to accept that we can't spend much time together. But it's like...My SO can spend more than just an hour or two a day with me, but he chooses not to.

I think I just need to get some sleep for now. Any advice or speculations are welcome. Thanks for reading!

[Haley53]

It's possible because he's working so many hours, he's using his time home or out with people who are physically there to unwind. That doesn't mean your relationship should fall by the wayside, but it could be that he's struggling to find balance. Have you ever communicated these feelings/needs to him? Perhaps you could have a date night one night a week where he turns off the PS3, doesn't go out, doesn't turn on Netflix while talking, etc. and you get his undivided attention for a night? And then from there, you could both work out your compromises for the rest of the week, each of you taking turns to communicate your needs and offering suggestions up for a middle ground.

[ashdav2010]

Lack of sleep does crazy things to people....I know I get super annoyed and way over-analytical when I don't sleep enough over a period of time. I think that if you feel like you are putting effort in and he's not that you definitely need to talk to him about it or it's not going to get better. He may not even realize the extent that things are bothering you and he won't unless you speak up. I completely love Eclaire's idea about having a date night once a week where you get all his attention and not the PS3 or other things!

[redapple]

Agreed that you need to find a compromise-different people prefer different forms of communication and you maybe both need to work out what your willing to do for each other without resenting the other for making you do it, I.e. I hate talking on the phone but my SO hates texting, so we try and do a little of both, I don't expect him to take part in a long text rally and he knows that I don't like talking too long on the phone so he doesn't expect me to be on the phone for hours. When it comes to unwinding he'd rather play games than talk to me, it's just easier for him so I give him the time to play before wanting to speak to him. (we usually set a time to stop and talk to each other). Maybe something similar could work for you. Say letting him have 45minutes or whatever on the ps3 before shutting everything down and giving you 45minutes undevided attention. And maybe in return you could work out some deal with the texting, not sure what though but I know if I was just getting texts back that said 'lol' I wouldn't be too pleased. Maybe text less but ask for better replies?

He's obviously working long hours so finding what the best way to communicate and really enjoy quality time together can only be a good thing!

[HeartInTexas]

Thanks, guys!
Today went better than most other days, but it's probably going to be rare. But at the very least, he spent basically his entire morning with me before he went to work. I got about 3 1/2 hours with him, which is really good for one sitting. I downloaded a game I don't like very much on Steam so we could spend more time together too. Even though I didn't enjoy the game, I enjoyed playing with him and Skyping while we play. He hates the webcam, but he turned it on today any way. He sent me a text saying, "Lol" again and I was about to get really annoyed. But a second later he replied with an actual sentence. So that's pretty good too!
Thanks again for your advice, everyone.