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    Hey everyone, I'm knew to this site. Glad stuff like this is here! Definitely helpful! If you didn't get it from my name, I'm a guy enlisted in the Coast Guard. I left for bootcamp last November, and me and my girlfriend have been doing the long distance thing ever since. Really hasnt seemed like 10 months at all, times gone by fast. Me and her have been dating for about two years now. She's a senior in highschool and on varsity dance. That's the background of us. Now what I'm looking for advice on. We get to see each other about every month, but that's goingto change to a lot longer soon.

    I'll try to word this the best I can. We've had our arguments, like every relationship, and our differences as well. In the past alot of those went like this: me feeling she wasn't putting in the effort, me telling her that and then nothing changing. After awhile I realized that I needed to love her for who she is, and that I was overlooking a lot of what she was doing. The way I look at a lot of things is I see how they can work better with a plan, so if you put in this and do that, you get this result. And I've tried to do that in our long distance relationship a couple times but she doesn't really seem to want to do anything like that. It used to be how all relationships start out, we couldn't stop talking and doing things for each other. And naturally that faded, which makes sense because we're way past that now. But I mean the talking and texting thing just annoys me. Shell text me later in the day, when she would be texting her friends the whole day. It may sound dumb, but I'm just not seeing the effort that much. She says it's hard for her to open up because it makes her miss me. She seems content with how it is. It's hard for me to really word how this is, but that's the best way I can put it. And i am reluctant to bring this up to her because I feel like she'll just think I don't appreciate her, and that I'm not loving her for what she's putting in. I know it's long, but thanks!

    #2
    And i am reluctant to bring this up to her because I feel like she'll just think I don't appreciate her, and that I'm not loving her for what she's putting in.
    If you do not bring up how you feel about how often/when she texts you it will never change. When you bring this situation up to her tell you how much you do appreciate her and the effort she puts in to talk to you. Also let her know that you would like to talk more throughout the day than just later. You could even ask for a simple good morning text if her schedule doesn't allow a lot of texting during the day. Are texts your main source of communication?


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      #3
      It depends. Usually we don't talk much during the day anymore and now talk more at night, sometimes for an hour, sometimes less depending on my work and her school. And I want to tell her something like that, but when I have in the past nothing's really happened. I just don't get why things are a lot different now.

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        #4
        I agree with Rixue. If you don't open up to her about it the problem will only fester inside of you until you snap at her. If nothing ever changes, its up to you to evaluate those problems that still occur and decide if they're worth dealing with for her or not. A lot of people change as they grow. good luck <3
        Made it official: 12-01-10
        First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
        Closed the distance: 07-31-13

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          #5
          It used to be how all relationships start out, we couldn't stop talking and doing things for each other. And naturally that faded, which makes sense because we're way past that now.
          This right here is totally a myth.
          Healthy successful relationships, in my opinion at least (<- this is me trying to make my vast generalization ok. Did it work?! lol), don't suffer from this. Yes there are days/weeks where one partner slacks off and takes the other for granted, but it's not inevitable in a relationship that both parties will experience this decline with no recovery - you don't just get to a point where you're "way past" getting joy out of doing shit for each other and talking.

          But, that aside Rixue is totally right. If you don't communicate, you can't fix this.

          I've learnt that positive reinforcement is not just a parenting technique - it can be used to good effect in relationships too. When she does text or call you out of the blue, make a big deal out of it. Show her how much it meant to you - "reward" her (can't think of a better word.)
          I've also found that often if I want more out of my relationship, first I have to put more in. So step it up on your end. Instigate the texting, call her just to say "Good morning" or "I love you", send her that random photo of something beautiful that reminded you of her. Go that extra mile.

          Sometimes we are so caught up on how we expect to be shown love, that we don't notice all the ways our partners are already doing this for us. She when she does/says nice things - write them down. Keep a little diary of all the things she does for you. Pay attention. Perhaps she's not texting as often as you'd like, but she's reaching out to you in other ways?
          Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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