At what point are you too old to be playing the "silent treatment" game?

[Black_Halloween]

Maybe she feels like you think people harassing her is no big deal, and you won't "protect' her or something? ...which is silly, but thats the only thing I can think of...

[Jayburr]

I have considered that possibility... The thing is, what my SO and this other person were arguing about was a dumb argument as well. It's all just stupid from the ground up, so when she says 'this person is harassing me,' it's not like how harassment is considered in real life where someone is stalking you, constantly sending hateful messages, making you feel threatened, etc...it's in a game, and harassment (to her) in the game (and in this particular situation) is more like "You suck at this game, get a life, you have no skill, lets fight 1 vs 1, c'mon, wimp!" etc... My response to that is something like "Oh gee, someone on the internet said I suck, damn, my life has no meaning now... -_- (/end sarcasm)," but FOR HER, she takes it seriously. She treats it as if this person not only insulted HER, but also her family and everyone else she knows, and there's no way she's going to let them get away with it, lol. It's all one big eye-roll to me but serious business to her.

[Black_Halloween]

She seems very silly...lol. I'm sure she'll talk to you eventually.

[Nbaby]

I have considered that possibility... The thing is, what my SO and this other person were arguing about was a dumb argument as well. It's all just stupid from the ground up, so when she says 'this person is harassing me,' it's not like how harassment is considered in real life where someone is stalking you, constantly sending hateful messages, making you feel threatened, etc...it's in a game, and harassment (to her) in the game (and in this particular situation) is more like "You suck at this game, get a life, you have no skill, lets fight 1 vs 1, c'mon, wimp!" etc... My response to that is something like "Oh gee, someone on the internet said I suck, damn, my life has no meaning now... -_- (/end sarcasm)," but FOR HER, she takes it seriously. She treats it as if this person not only insulted HER, but also her family and everyone else she knows, and there's no way she's going to let them get away with it, lol. It's all one big eye-roll to me but serious business to her.

lol i know that feeling about harassment i used to be all defensive and all that but i came to a point that its part of online gaming. Haters gonna hate and you just have to deal with it. Some people will always be jerks be it online or in real life. I guess she is very sensitive to that stuff. You sure she wasnt in a bad mood or anything and that arguement totally was the last drop at that moment? I really dont know whats up im trying to solve this mystery lol.

[Jezah]

Boo. I absolutely find "the silent treatment" to be the most childish reaction to a situation. If someone needs time to cool down, or wants space they can say so. No excuse to flat out ignore you, that to me is disrespectful.

The silent treatment is a control game, one where the other person "punishes" their SO by withholding interaction...and continues to do so until they decide the other has atoned enough, or begged enough. The suggestion about making her laugh to break the silence is a good one, but if it was me I would discuss with her when you start speaking again that her shutting you out was hurtful. It is not that hard to say "I need a while before I can talk to you again." and it is far more adult than just shutting down.,

[Rugger]

I can kinda understand why she could be mad at you. I would be annoyed if I was upset about something and my boyfriend blamed it on me. I mean it's stupid, but she feels like you aren't supporting her.

I also second what a lot of people have said. I'm one of those people who needs to pull away when I'm angry. I have a very hot head and I can say stupid, hurtful things that I don't mean when someone continues to talk to me. Give her space and she'll cool off and come around.

[Bbth]

Have you tried calling her? Or she won't pick it up either?

[efish1042]

I never legitimately give the silent treatment unless it's one of those situations where I can literally say nothing nice, so I say nothing at all. I will playfully give the silent treatment if its something silly and we're playing around. I am a huge proponent of talking things out. Sometimes I need a little while to cool off before said talking, though.

[Kiyama]

I don't really like this silent treatment thing. When I'm mad I tend to pull back as well to think about it and to cool down but she's playing games here, chatting openly to other people and ignoring your messages at the same time. That's nothing I would ever do and I couldn't stand anybody doing it to me.
To prevent something like that happening in in the future, you could find a compromise such as she sends you a message saying she doesn't want to talk right now or whatever.
I'm not saying she doesn't have the right to be mad at you but I don't think her reaction is ok.

[Jayburr]

So, I have a brief update.

She finally said something to me after nearly 2 days of silence. She sent me a text saying that, 'yes, I am mad at you and don't feel like talking to you, so what am I supposed to do?' Resisting a massive urge to tell her everything I've been thinking, I replied only with "You could have just told me...instead of ignoring me and not saying a single word to me about anything..." She replied with 'fine, next time I'll tell you that I'm mad at you and that I'm not talking to you.'

It's almost impossible, most of the time, to tell what kind of tone a text is sent with, but I got the feeling that she doesn't see the point in telling me she's mad and won't talk before she's about to ignore me. I felt mocked with that response.

Again resisting the urge to blow up on her, I asked "Why can't we talk about it?" to which she replied 'we can, after i've calmed down and am not mad at you anymore.' I had no response for this for the longest time, but finally sent "This is truly killing me... I hope we talk soon."

That's all so far. I have so many thoughts in my mind from this... One of them being, it's been 2 days and she still needs to "calm down?" Did this unimportant disagreement in a video game cause her to be FUMING, RAGING, MAD? Seriously? And she can play her game just fine but it isn't a good time to talk about silly issues like ignoring your boyfriend...

Ultimately, it's whatever... I guess she's coming around but, obviously, i'm pretty pissed about how she's handling this.

Boo. I absolutely find "the silent treatment" to be the most childish reaction to a situation. If someone needs time to cool down, or wants space they can say so. No excuse to flat out ignore you, that to me is disrespectful.

The silent treatment is a control game, one where the other person "punishes" their SO by withholding interaction...and continues to do so until they decide the other has atoned enough, or begged enough. The suggestion about making her laugh to break the silence is a good one, but if it was me I would discuss with her when you start speaking again that her shutting you out was hurtful. It is not that hard to say "I need a while before I can talk to you again." and it is far more adult than just shutting down.,

When we talk, (and, after I let her talk) I am going to tell her straight up that it's not okay what she did. It HAS been hurtful, it really has. I've been extremely depressed from this, not knowing what to do or think about the whole thing. I don't want to guilt trip her, but I do want her to understand how she made me feel, and that if she is ever mad at me again for something, she needs to handle her issue in a more responsible manner.

I can kinda understand why she could be mad at you. I would be annoyed if I was upset about something and my boyfriend blamed it on me. I mean it's stupid, but she feels like you aren't supporting her.

I have a feeling that's why she's mad...though I still don't think it's any reason to punish me like she has.

Have you tried calling her? Or she won't pick it up either?

Unfortunately her phone is a piece of crap and she rarely gets my calls. Something is wrong with her phone or her SIMM card because whenever I call, it always rings twice and then goes to voicemail. It also never tells her that she's gotten a missed call. So, basically, I can't call her (because she never gets my calls), she has to call me to talk on the phone.

[Captivated]

When we talk, (and, after I let her talk) I am going to tell her straight up that it's not okay what she did. It HAS been hurtful, it really has. I've been extremely depressed from this, not knowing what to do or think about the whole thing. I don't want to guilt trip her, but I do want her to understand how she made me feel, and that if she is ever mad at me again for something, she needs to handle her issue in a more responsible manner.

Yes - do this. Tell her that you don't respond to that sort of behaviour. Basically I did this to my SO when we were LDR and he didn't back down...he didn't tell me what I wanted to hear because he knew I was playing a game. Sometimes we really just need a reality check and as hard as it was to swallow for me, I knew he was right and I never did it again. So you have every right to tell her how this made you feel and not coddle her.

[Darth_Taco]

It seems like she does this crap to you a lot, like the time when you asked her to text you a little more. I'm sorry dude, but she's being a flat-out bitch. Not just unreasonable, or immature. The worst part is that she honestly seems to think treating you like this is ok. The only way I can see her acting this way and have it be somewhat justified is if you did something insane like get piss-drunk at her grandmother's funeral.

At this point, I suggest you just flat out stop talking to her. I'm not saying dump her, but continue to live your life until she's ready to talk things out like an adult. Stop texting, trying to call, no more messages, and no more playing together until she comes to you. When that time come, don't go easy on her. Get all this shit out on the table and discuss it like adults. If she decides to pull this shit again, don't bother going after her, because that's what she wants. Why else would she give you the silent treatment? Show her she's not gonna make you suffer and that this shit is not right.

[Haley53]

It seems like she does this crap to you a lot, like the time when you asked her to text you a little more. I'm sorry dude, but she's being a flat-out bitch. Not just unreasonable, or immature. The worst part is that she honestly seems to think treating you like this is ok. The only way I can see her acting this way and have it be somewhat justified is if you did something insane like get piss-drunk at her grandmother's funeral.

At this point, I suggest you just flat out stop talking to her. I'm not saying dump her, but continue to live your life until she's ready to talk things out like an adult. Stop texting, trying to call, no more messages, and no more playing together until she comes to you. When that time come, don't go easy on her. Get all this shit out on the table and discuss it like adults. If she decides to pull this shit again, don't bother going after her, because that's what she wants. Why else would she give you the silent treatment? Show her she's not gonna make you suffer and that this shit is not right.

I agree with this. Best way to handle the silent treatment is to be blunt about it, and if that doesn't work, the next best solution is, in this case, to do the same. I'm not typically a proponent of "give them a taste of their own medicine," but sometimes it really is better to go limp as opposed to resisting and clawing for something different. If she decides not to talk to you, go limp, say okay (to you/in your own head, not to her), and don't send her ANYTHING. Let her be the one to come to you. There will be moments of weakness, and times where it feels like she'll never talk to you again, but eventually she'll realise her power struggle isn't going to work because you're simply not playing the game. You've agreed to it, but you've agreed to letting her play it, not to you engaging in it, and that will strip the silent treatment of absolutely any power she ever thought it had to begin with.

[Jayburr]

Thank you for the support everyone... This is very hard to deal with right now. I feel like absolute shit. My mind is a total wreck from this and I feel really helpless.

This whole silent treatment thing started Wednesday evening, she stayed silent until Friday evening and told me we'll talk when she "calms down" and isn't mad at me anymore. It's now Sunday morning and no further messages from her... How long can she drag this on?? It was beyond ridiculous after the first day, but now this is day 4. How much time is necessary to "calm down?" How is it that our disagreement was something so horrendous and terrible that I am deserving of punishment like that? It's like you said Darth_Taco, you'd think I got piss drunk at her grandma's funeral...

I'm dying to text her and tell her that this needs to stop, and at the same time, I want to just wait for her because you guys are probably right, she wants me to beg and plead to her. If I don't say anything though, I'm afraid she'll be interpreting that as me not caring if she talks to me or not. I know I've already expressed to her my desire to talk, but since she's over reacted this badly to such a small thing, i wouldn't be surprised if she views my silence as me not caring and tried to put blame on me later on...

[Moon]

On the rare occasions that I'm just absolutely pissed at my boyfriend, and talking to him is the last thing I feel like doing, I at least let him know I won't be around that night. Granted, I'll usually use the "working late" excuse (but then I do that), but at least he isn't waiting around for me, instead of going to bed. She is handling this about as badly as can be, it's OK if she needs some space to cool down, but I'd be very concerned that she needs 4 days of cooling off after a video game dispute! I'd question what it'll be like when it's actually something that matters. No offense, but it sounds like she needs to grow up.

Wait it out, seriously. Don't fall for her game, it's not fair to you, and it's stupid. When it finally blows over, you'll probably need to have a discussion about how she handles anger and how her methods just aren't gonna work in the context of your relationship. Everybody will have disagreements, but how they're handled is the key to a happy relationship.