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It's only been six days and we argued :(

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    #1

    It's only been six days and we argued :(

    Hello,

    In advance - sorry for the massive post...

    Am new here but also new to a LDR; my boyfriend has gone to study abroad for 10 months.

    We have been together for a year and two months. He is at Uni and comes home for holidays and stays at mine a lot. He also came back for weekends etc. so I saw him fairly frequently so have got used to him being around. Also when not with me he would call and text so we always had contact. I would say we have a great relationship but twice during our time together we have argued where he hasn't seen me for two weeks each time, but he always made contact and we sorted things out. I love being with him and he does love being with me too.

    So he left on Saturday. I have always had my reservations about him going, mainly because I don't want to hold him back and I worry that he wont be able to maintain his studies, social life and our relationship. However on the other side of this I am also excited as it is a new experience for me which I think will be fun and exciting. It also mean that I get time to concentrate on my life but with the added bonus of seeing him one weekend in four etc.

    We spoke about all of this before he left and he was adamant that he wanted to continue our relationship and I feel the same. We agreed that we would be in contact each day.

    However, our first skype session ended with us arguing as I felt as though he didn't want to talk to me - basically is his first week and so is important that he makes friends so wanted to move our chat forward so he could go out. However I didn't get this text until I got home, from a day where I was so looking forward to catching up with him etc. I just felt like he had moved on. I am not proud of this - but it came from being hurt and feeling like there was a better option. Irrational.

    So in the heat of the moment I told him that I was never really wanting to do the LDR thing and he got angry with me. He was also supposed to book his flight home which because of a low battery he didnt do.

    After his battery ran out he then text me to say that he would book his ticket tomorrow (today) and that we shouldn't argue and that he loves me. I said the same back. But then he text me and said that it was my fault, so instead of being rational I text him back and said that maybe we should have some time to think about whether we both wanted this. However once I calmed down I then sent another text suggesting that we skype today and clear the air. I then went to bed.

    He text me at 2.30am and said that he was sad so I replied when I woke up and said about skyping today, that I was sad too and that I wanted to clear the air also. He then text back and said he couldn't tonight as was going out but he wanted to clear the air as it has upset him. He then ended with he does loves me and loads of kisses. I replied saying have a nice night, no worries about skype, I am upset to but do love him. That was at lunch today and I havent heard anything since...

    Can we come back from this awful situation that has arisen so soon?

    Thanks for reading
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    #2
    The thing you will learn quickly about LDRs is that communication is one of the key factors! Tell each other everything from how you're feeling about each other, to your classes, to what you ate that day... Since you can't physically be together communication creates a kind of intimacy that CDRs just don't have.

    As for the fight, just talk about it. Every couple fights (and if they haven't yet, they will eventually). It's just how people are, we get upset and angry and we take it out on those that care about us the most because we know they'll still be there. Don't be discouraged because you "already had a fight", just think of it as an opportunity to talk to each other


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      #3
      No, I do not see this situation working out due to the fact that he is blowing you off already and he hasn't been there that long. A guy that truly cares would put you first and not his new social life, but then again, just see how it goes, it could work out. Good luck.

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        #4
        I've been LD with my boyfriend for just over three weeks, and if I remember correctly we had a disagreement within the first couple of days, but I didn't think much of it. I told myself it was just the stress of not seeing each other and not being able to talk as often as we used to (which was pretty much always). Going in to this, we knew there would be bad days, and we knew there would be good days, there could even be bad or good weeks. And it's perfectly okay, because you know that this person loves you no matter what, and you love them no matter what, and that's why you agreed to hold on to the relationship even when you're so far apart, because you know it's worth it for this person. Long distance relationships are hard, I knew that from day one, but I find in a way it's making us stronger. Sure, there is so much stress and so many emotions, but it's only been a few days, and before you know it, they'll be home again, and you won't even remember that you argued.

        Best wishes to you!
        started dating: 12/08/12
        "i love you": 04/12/13
        el paso: 07/24/13 - 08/05/13
        montreal: 12/13/13 - 01/03/14
        el paso: 01/05/14 - 01/19/14
        montreal: 05/30/14 - 07/27/14
        el paso: 07/27/14 - 08/18/14
        el paso: 12/27/14 - 01/16/15
        el paso: 06/02/15 - 08/17/15
        san antonio: 02/04/16 - 02/08/16
        san antonio/el paso: 06/03/16 - 06/21/16

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          #5
          LDR's are stressful, and fights can and do happen if you don't communicate. Its sounds like there was a lot of back and forth (sorry if I misinterpreted, its late) as far as him saying sorry, you saying sorry and then him going back to playing the blame game and then you getting mad all over again.

          That said, while I am not the best at practicing this in my own relationship...perhaps give him space? Right now he is someplace new and he is probably very caught up in it. No excuse for the lack of communication, but I think for both of your sanity perhaps let him have a little while to settle in and get over the "OMG new stuff, new friends, new places!" thing. The newness will fade and he will realize he misses you and your time, and if he doesn't then I think that speaks volumes.

          Just remember to breathe, and if need be wait to respond to him when he does things to anger you. Right now it seems like your knee jerk reaction is anger and that is probably just pushing him away, and making him, as selfish as it sounds, say "Well, if she is going to be angry I would much rather go out with my new friends". Its awful, but in my experience that is how a lot of men think. So just wait when he pisses you off to respond, take a breath and try and calm yourself. As a sender of many angry texts myself I learned that most often I regret them an hour later

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            #6
            Originally posted by hrp2007 View Post
            No, I do not see this situation working out due to the fact that he is blowing you off already and he hasn't been there that long. A guy that truly cares would put you first and not his new social life, but then again, just see how it goes, it could work out. Good luck.

            Give the boy a break! He's a new situation and he's been gone less than a week. He needs time to settle down and get his ducks in a row. Sheesh

            OP, Give him time to adjust. He's in a new environmental and he's making new friends. Be supportive and happy for him. The newness will wear off and you two can get into a routine. Communication is key.
            "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love " ~ Theodore Seuss Geisel.

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              #7
              Been there, done that. We just went back to LD today and we already had a fight. It happens. It's not the end of the world because couples fight. Your SO is still adjusting to a new place and needs to make friends. You need to keep yourself busy as well and spend time with your own friends too. Your life can't be totally based around your SO. Give him some space. You can talk every day, whether it be through text or Skype. But, don't expect him to be able to Skype each night. I promise you that things will get better once both of you get settled in and establish a routine.

              "Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches."

              Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you.

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                #8
                It takes time to adjust! You need to give both of you a little time to adjust to a brand new situation!
                My SO and I NEVER argue or fight unless we are LD. It just takes time, and the knowledge that while the situation may totally suck at the moment, you know you are working towards a better future together, and you will be a stronger couple than ever after working through this together. Just make sure you work through things and grow TOGETHER, rather than working through things yourself and growing stronger apart.
                Best of luck!!! Stay strong

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                  #9
                  Basically what everyone else said, it takes time for the both of you to adjust. He's making new friends, school work ectect so he won't be able to skype every night. Keep yourself busy! Pick up a new hobby, read a book, ectect. I know its gonna be hard but you just gotta hang in there <3
                  Made it official: 12-01-10
                  First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
                  Closed the distance: 07-31-13

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                    #10
                    Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond! So time, space, flexibility and keeping myself busy and happy. All good stuff.

                    I am one of those who thinks the worse before it has happened...

                    I think this forum might become invaluable to me nice to meet you all!

                    I may well be back when he does get in touch...

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                      #11
                      Hello,

                      so he facebooked messaged me today, which feels a little off but I responded and he responded back. All good? Not really - I made sure my response was nice and not pressured (i.e. space) however when he replied he didnt mention Skype or if he was going to book a ticket as he said he would.

                      Anyway, I would just like to know what people think is a reasonable amount of time is to let things settle and for things to regulate a bit. Also it feels a little game playing...

                      I don't know what to think

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