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    Am I overreacting...

    Hi, first time posting here. Just recently found the group. Wanted everyone's opinion on something.

    Background: We've been dating for about a year and half. Even at the beginning it's alway been a semi-long distance relationship. But since the beginning of the year it turn into a real long distance relationship.

    Problem: We've alway had about of a communication problem. Where he does not thing that we need to communicate often. Had many fights about it. Now he's better about just calling me and talking each night. But he still does not really talk about personal issues (like feeling etc.) So whenever something goes wrong he closes himself off totally. Now he's living a with a roomate who is a friend and as co-worker. So tonight he said he did not feel up to talk because something went wrong at work. He said he was feeling sad, but he was talking over the issue with his friend.

    On a side note... sometimes I think he treats his friend better than he does me. Even though he has said many times that he is ready to marry me, whenever I move down to where he is.

    My thoughts: Okay, so I get that he's the person he is talking to is a friend and co-worker. But if the issue was making him sad, would it not make sense to talk to me and have me cheer him up (which I offered to do). If he did not feel like talking about it why is he talking to his friend about it. I'm wondering if I'm being too sensitive about the issue... or is this communication problem between us just not solvable.

    Thanks for anyone's input. Fell free to ask me any question and I'll answer the best I can.

    #2
    I felt the same way for a really long time. I think, if you love me, why can't I be your soft place to fall? Then I was talking to a guy friend, I like talking to him to get the male perspective of things, and he told me that guys are so much different. I like, well if you love me, you should come to me to talk it over..and the boy thinks..i love you, but I don't want to burden you with this silly stuff..or I dont want to tell you really what is going on, in fear that you will think different of me, like I am not as good as man as you thought I was.

    My bf did this all the time, he would shut me out. When things got stressed in his life, he shut me out completely once..for days....i broke up with him over it...and we were back together though after 2 weeks..but I told him it wasn't fair to shut me out like that..that I want to be the place he falls...and he is soooo much better. I am not saying to break it off for awhile, just that you can either do two things....let it bother you, or accept that is how he is, and handle it.

    Idk, there is my two cents on the subject. I wish you the best of luck!

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      #3
      I agree with agentholli. Most guys are worried about staying/looking strong for their girls and express themselves differently so they talk with guy friends just like we'd go to our girl friends for super emotional problems we know our guys wouldn't really understand or be able to help with. Even so, yes it IS very frustrating when you're shut out or you're not privy to his feelings/thoughts like he is to yours. You can't force him to do anything.

      As for the treating better, unless he's pampering this friend and treating them with more overall respect I think you may just be mad about not being his go-to person for the shoulder to lean on thing. My advice would be just to ask the standard 'how are you/how was your day' questions and if/when you get the vague one-word answers ask what he did or if anything interesting happened. Don't push, but you can ask a few extra questions to try and get some detail if he wants to give them up at all. If it bothers you a whole bunch say you wanna talk more about him than you or you feel like you're the one doing all the talking. Even if you have periods of silence, if he truly wants to he'll talk more in time. Just try not to get mad unless it's over a major major issue.

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        #4
        no not overreacting at all, in a LDR your supposed to talk about everything including how your feeling. It helps to talk that over with your SO because you should be able to tell them anything. Shutting you out and talking to his friend only is a little disrespectful, your in his life and you have the right to know whats wrong so you can help! i would bring that up with him because its completely unfair to you!

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          #5
          thanks for the input. This makes me feel little better... at least in knowing that I'm not asking for something impossible and unreasonable.

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