girlfriend is taking distance personally?

[Morin]

Today on facebook my SO's friend messaged me yelling at me because I was making my girlfriend suffer because we are apart.
I spoke with her and tried to assure her that this was not the case and that if I could be with my girlfriend in this moment, I sure as hell would be and that I was working to see her in person.

Her little sister then messaged me saying she was going to kick my butt for hurting her sister the way that I am...

So, I decided to call my SO and see what was up, and she told me that if I really loved her I would be there with her right now and what her friends and sister said is justified because I am making her suffer and I "Must not care about her or her feelings, because if I did then I would be there right now."

We made plans to meet in person last month which I ended up walking 2 hours to the nearest train station and traveling an three hours to her town expecting to meet her at the station, but she blew that off.
and when I spoke to her about that, she said that she couldn't believe I was blaming her for me not finding a way to her. (she wasn't even in her town when I went there, she was in a different town having tea with a friend from work and didn't even tell me until after the fact -.-)

I have no idea what to do about this and it's driving me crazy.
Her taking us being apart is making me look like a monster to her friends and family

[snow_girl]

Sounds like she isn't speaking very well of you to her friends. Are you the one who posted a while ago about your gf not believing you are who you say you are? If so you should have ended it a long time ago. If no then I think you ought to consider it. How can you be in a relationship if both parties aren't willing to work together. Clearly there is a reason you can't be together, it isn't fair of her to blame you. Has she just starting acting this way out of nowhere?

[Morin]

no, my girlfriend knows for a fact that I am me. we skype/oovoo/send videos/etc. often
She started acting this way after our meeting failed last month, but her talking poorly of me has happened in the past...

Her family thinks I just don't care about her or love her and that she isn't worth me seeing and that's why we haven't seen each other yet. Which is NOT the case at all, and I reassure her often of that. but she keeps saying it -.-

[alittlemind]

Sounds to me like she's being very selfish and immature. Sorry if that's a little harsh, but that's the only way I can put it. I find it ridiculous that she's putting all this guilt on you, and when you tried to meet up with her, she skipped out on you. I just can't wrap my head around her reasoning.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are the both of you? And what's the reason for the distance? Hopefully I can give you some advice if I knew more.

Anyway, best wishes!

[charly]

You did something incredibly romantic by just going trough quite some trouble to see her, and she 'just blew it off'. I'm sorry, but sounds like she is a bit demanding... She should understand that you can't be together all the time, tell her that. You deserve some appreciation, and they can't just yell at you. It's something personal between you and your girlfriend, and you should tell her that.

(sorry if I sound harsh, tired..)

[rixue]

We made plans to meet in person last month which I ended up walking 2 hours to the nearest train station and traveling an three hours to her town expecting to meet her at the station, but she blew that off.
and when I spoke to her about that, she said that she couldn't believe I was blaming her for me not finding a way to her. (she wasn't even in her town when I went there, she was in a different town having tea with a friend from work and didn't even tell me until after the fact -.-)

I can't believe you had plans to meet and then she blew it off, then later cries about you not being there. The way she blew you off to meet a coworker she could probably have tea with anytime is just rude. She shouldn't be blaming you, you tried to visit and she didn't show up. It takes two to tango in a relationship. Is there a reason she cannot come visit you? Like Snow said, I would think about considering your relationship with her. She talks poorly of you to her friends, skips your planned visit...she isn't being fair to you at all or being considerate of your feelings/ time you put into taking to see her.

[Morin]

I'm 20 and she's 24, and the reasoning is she's really busy with a new job and I'm a poor 20 year old college student haha. I moved to an area closer to her to increase our chances of closing distance and to attend Uni. It sucks because I spent my paycheck on that train ticket

how do i say that to her without her getting upset? I tried to earlier and she got really upset...

[snow_girl]

It seems to me there is going to be no reasoning with her. No matter what you say she isn't going to like it and maybe you need to be blunt with her. She doesn't' seem to have a problem bad mouthing you to everyone so I wouldn't hold back just to spare her feelings. Do you feel like it is worth trying to make this work? You shouldn't have to convince the other person that you care for them etc.

[alittlemind]

I agree with snow_girl. Sometimes you just need to flat out tell the person that they aren't acting respectfully towards you, she needs to understand that, at the very least. I understand that maybe it's hard for her to be in a LDR, but it's no reason to go around telling people she is "suffering" and that you don't care for her. I think you may need to just weigh the pros and cons of this relationship, at this point. If she isn't listening to you, and she's only making you feel guilty about not seeing her when you tried to but she skipped out, those are just big red flags. In a relationship, you definitely need communication and respect, and I'm not seeing that here. Sorry.

[elina]

Women

Sounds like she needs a wake-up call, treating you the way she is. I don't understand how she could blame you for 'not finding a way to her', especially when she was out of town herself, sipping some tea O.O She's a bit out of order, if you ask me. I agree with snow_girl, you need to be able to tell her how you feel about this. And if she gets mad, it's just her being a baby. Maybe it'll make her think about stuff.

Good luck and keep us updated

[D.4C]

sounds to me like a maturity problem...and like others have said...the fact that she blew off your planned visit...and is getting mad because you can't seen to find a way to go see her...makes absolutely no sense...kinda seems like she loves drama too...going to all her friends and family...and bad mouthing you...and if she won't even let you talk to her about it...without just getting upset right away...i'm sorry...but it seems to me...like you are the one doing all the work...and she just sits back and accuses...unless there is something that happened in the past that we don't know about...but to me...i would talk at her...be somewhat blunt without being an ass...and really get to the bottom of it...if she can't seem to be more understanding...might be time to move on...

[Shanondorf]

I don't feel like it was very honest of her to let her friends and sister do what they did and not try to have a conversation with you about the way she feels. If she's acting so stubborn then maybe she's practically begging for you to break up with her. You're trying your hardest to be with her, and if she can't see that, then why is she a big deal? You have the same needs as her, and if she doesn't understand that maybe you need to have a serious talk with her about how she's handling things. If she can't handle it then do her a favor and take a break for awhile maybe? Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do unfortunately. D:

[Zephii]

My "run away this is a crazy bitch" instinct is flaring up right now. If she has such an issue with the distance she can go to you. There's no room for the blame game or this kind of blatant disrespect in a relationship. If this is how she deals with a relatively simple problem like this, how's she going to deal with much bigger stressors?

[Morin]

I spoke to her and I told her I haven't been away because I like to see her "suffer" or because I don't care about her or love her or because she isn't worth it. I told her money is tight and I'm doing what I can to get back down there and be with her, and she told me she wishes she could believe that...

maybe this is just an insecurity issue?

[Black_Halloween]

I'm gonna be really blunt here, she sounds like a spoiled brat. I mean, she skipped a visit with you to go have tea then complains that you never try to see her then gives the old "well if you loved me you'd be able to find me" excuse? Like..what are you a mind reader or something? Don't let her treat you like her little puppy dog whose supposed to jump when she says jump. I agree with Zephii too, bitch is flat out crazy.