girlfriend is taking distance personally?

[Nbaby]

I wouldnt trust her. What if you try to visit her and she blows it off again? Let her come to you this time.

[Rugger]

My "run away this is a crazy bitch" instinct is flaring up right now.

And this is why I love you.



OP, she's never going to be happy with anything you do. Break up with her and spare yourself

[Sanney4709]

My "run away this is a crazy bitch" instinct is flaring up right now. If she has such an issue with the distance she can go to you. There's no room for the blame game or this kind of blatant disrespect in a relationship. If this is how she deals with a relatively simple problem like this, how's she going to deal with much bigger stressors?

I agree 110 percent. I'm sure she get time off of work just like everyone else. If she is "suffering" so bad she can bring herself to you. If anything she is the one who doesn't care. You walked two hours and spent an entire pay check on a train ticket to see her and she blew you off. That just baffles me. Obviously she isn't suffering too bad or she would have been there. I would never miss a chance to see my SO. I know the distance isn't easy but you can't just blame the other person and expect them to come to you all the time. She definitely should not be bad mouthing you to other people. I'd say she has some growing up to do and you need to rethink your relationship. I'm sorry if I am coming off as mean but I really don't know if it is something that can be fixed. You can try talking to her but by the sounds of it that hasn't helped. Maybe stop trying to spare her feelings because she obviously doesn't consider yours. I wish you the best of luck.

[Deleted]

To me it sounds like she's being immature. I know distance hurts, but blaming it on your SO just SUCKS, and talk poorly of you isn't very productive either. She msut understand it's not your fault.

You are in college, you can't just travel everyday and she must understand that! Distance is never something a couple chooses. I think all couples, if given the chance to choose, would choose to be close distance. I think if you didn't love her, you'd had broken up when you moveed rather than deciding to go the distance.

And blowing off your visits seems unfair. Sounds like she suffers, and wants to keep on suffering. I hope you make her understand that you really care and that she stops saying those things about you, they are very unfair.

[Morin]

How do I get her to understand that? Talking isn't helping because she just throws a fit and then I feel guilty.
I want to try to find a way to fix this issue before I break up with her.

[Black_Halloween]

To be honest, it doesn't seem like there's any way to fix it. You've tried everything and shes still acting like a brat.

[XxFranticLovexX]

Pretty much what everyone else said, but I want to add a few things.

The age gap between my so and I is the same as yours with your so (he's 21 and I'm 25). I know that he has a hard time getting money and that he doesn't have the means to come to me, but there is no way in hell that I would go bad mouth him to my friends or relatives for any reason, more less something that he has no control over at the moment. You don't do that to someone you care about. Yes, I talk about him to them, but it's nothing bad.. mainly just saying how awesome he is, tossing in a mention of him when a conversation reminds me of him, or something like that. If I knew that he was going to be in my town I would walk to meet him if I had to. Actually, I went to him on a weeks notice (was planning a trip but not as soon) because he was moving and there was a chance that I wouldn't be able to talk to him again (at least for a few months, maybe ever until he found a new living situation) if I hadn't been there.. and honestly, that wasn't a chance I was willing to take because I do care about him. She's trying to guilt you into feeling bad so that you will pity her and do whatever she says/wants. She wants you to put in all the effort so that she gets all of the rewards without the work. She sounds spoiled and self centered. Where do your feelings and needs come in at? It really just seems like she is toying with you to see just how high she can make you jump. Set your foot down with her. Tell her exactly how you feel and what you think. She may get upset with you but she needs to hear it. If she is only thinking of herself then she probably doesn't care about how you feel in this relationship anyway. Anyone who cares about someone isn't going to talk bad about them, guilt trip them, and make them feel bad for being so far away.. especially when she entered this relationship knowing exactly how far away you were and that you weren't going to be there everyday.

[Kiyama]

Have you tried telling her all this?
And not in a "I'm the one who's guilty" voice but as someone who is actually be the one who has the right to be angry?
She messed it up and she has insecurities? That's very strange. Talk to her. And I mean really talk to her. About how she hurt you.

[Haley53]

You can't change someone else for them. Changing yourself is not going to do it, either. It's a shitty situation when you love someone that much, who doesn't want to change at all, but eventually you've got to call it quits. As others have said, this behaviour is unlikely to stop, and I can't say I personally see much hope for it, given the situations it's flared up in. :/ If she can't even accept responsibility for her half of the relationship, how do you expect her to accept responsibility for, and change, her communicative shortcoming?

[Malaga]

Another girl with the golden vajajay syndrome, pardon my French. It's like she's trying to live out some Disney fantasy where she's a princess in a tower doing absolutely nothing, while her prince is slaying dragons for her and whatnot. Real life doesn't work that way, she'll find that out at some point. Unfortunately it'll have to be a rude awakening, reasoning can't help. You're better than that and you deserve better than that.

Good luck!

[Nbaby]

How come you didnt got super angry yet? If this happend to me she wouldve know the consequences. How much more can you take? Do you deserve to be treated this way? You should have a serious talk with her and get her back to reality. A relationship aquires hard work from both sides.

[Eleven]

Stay calm bro, maybe taking a break can give u both time to think.

[xoPinkMargarita]

I'm going to be saying pretty much what everyone else has said.. you need to re-think/evaluate things in your relationship and talk to her about it and if she still is being this way then I am afraid that the only option is to leave her.. because it seems as if she doesn't even appreciate what you are doing for her and love and care about you and your feelings for her. It seems as if she needs a local boyfriend rather then a long distance one that can be there for her all of the time if she's talking bad about you to her family and friends.

[Ciana]

Another girl with the golden vajajay syndrome, pardon my French. It's like she's trying to live out some Disney fantasy where she's a princess in a tower doing absolutely nothing, while her prince is slaying dragons for her and whatnot.

I love your terms. Could not have described it better myself!