Update: She's still ignoring me...

[Darth_Taco]

Dude, you just gave her exactly what she wanted. If she makes you suffer long enough, you'll do anything just to please her and she gets away with her behavior towards you. Don't tell me that's not what happened, I've seen marriages where this ridiculous power struggle is the entire basis of them. I can guarantee you that you will be back here in just a couple weeks having a similar issue all over again. We're gonna tell you have some dignity and to stop playing her games, she's gonna give you these little glimmers of hope that she suddenly wants an actual relationship, you're gonna come back to her in less time than it takes us to facepalm, then you're gonna have another problem with her and this ridiculous cycle starts all over again. I honestly don't care if I piss you off or hurt your feelings, it's not nearly as bad as what this girl is doing to you. Congratulations, you're part of the cycle of abuse.

All I can hope for is that you come to your senses and realize what this girl is doing to you before you're stuck to her by getting her pregnant or something. Until then, I don't think I'm gonna bother saying anything to you again. I know how this works, I saw my mother go through it for almost a decade. No one can change your mind but you or her taking you to your breaking point. I just hope you come out of this ok. Good luck.

[Tooki]

I'll be honest (and probably harsh)

You are clingy, and your GF knows it. She is also a control freak and knows that you will cave in to her. She can act however she wants, and she knows that you will be there at the end of the day. Now consider this: Would you marry a girl that does that to you?

If I were in your shoes, I would get out of the relationship as fast as I can. Feel free to hear her out if she wants to talk. But to be frank, considering how often she has done the things that she has done to you, is it in your own interest and benefit to be involved in the games that your GF is playing on you?

Good luck with you. If you choose to stay with her and she does this again, I won't offer you any sympathy.

[Black_Halloween]

I didn't mention it but, let me clarify, she did text me first, but NOT to talk about the problem. It probably was my mistake to be the first to try bringing up the idea of talking about the problem, but, since we were already talking, and things seemed somewhat fine, I took a chance. I haven't been acting like a sad puppy though... As I mentioned in my OP, after she declined wanting to talk about things, I decided I'd let her be the one to decide to have that talk (if she ever does) and the next day, I began texting her normally, as if nothing was wrong.

Yes, you are acting like a sad puppy, i don't care if this gets you angry at me. You crawl right back to her web of deception spilling all of your feelings out and you get the bop on the nose with the newspaper when shes the one with the problem. We ALL told you to ignore her and you didn't go with us and now look, nothing is resolved. She may act like shes in a good mood now but that's only because she got what she wanted. Shes trained you and has you wrapped around her little finger. She does what she wants when she wants to and never considers your feelings at all. She doesn't care that she hurt your feelings or that you're still hurting. Gaming is more important to her than you and your relationship. Its just going to keep happening until you get angry. Love isnt the only thing that keeps relationships together.

[Jezah]

Sadly, the girl has pulled him back in by acting like nothing happened....so I doubt anything we say will be heard. She has him wrapped around her finger, and obviously if this was not enough to show him how manipulative she is nothing will.

I wish you all the luck Jayburr. I hope for your sake she never pulls a stunt like this again, but since she got away with it this time I don't hold out much hope for that.

[Jayburr]

For lack of a better reaction, I'll just leave this here



On a more serious note, I think some of you are making a few too many assumptions, but I won't get into that. I'll just let you all know that things have continued to go in a positive direction tonight. We texted a bit at first when I got home from work, but then she called me unexpectedly primarily to talk about everything. I barely said anything before she apologized over and over to me, admitting what she did was wrong, and mean. I re-explained to her how I've felt, as well as everything I've been thinking... During the time this has been going on, I've been keeping track of my thoughts in a document on my computer, sort of my way of getting it all out of my head so I don't dwell on it. I referred to this as I talked to her and told her everything I was thinking from day to day. At the end, I told her that this can't happen again. Inevitably, in the future, we will have more arguments, and she needs to promise me we will talk it out like adults. She did. Obviously, time will tell on how reliable that promise is.

My main opinion on this is that, while the way this whole thing played out was terrible, unless she's done something like cheat on me, murder my friend, steal my stuff, etc, I'm not the type to give up on a relationship based on a 'first offense' like this, and a first offense doesn't indicate a trend. This was the first bump in our relationship. It was unexpected, mis-handled, overblown...and also misunderstood. I think we both have a better understanding of it now, and if her promise holds, then this won't be an issue again.

However, just to put all your minds at ease, if the shit hits the fan, you won't be hearing from me about it. I'd prefer not to be a burden to the board.

Thank you all for the help and support though.

[Nbaby]

Good luck i hope things will change now. I hope u make the right decision.


PS: I love that meme lol

[Caitlin2009]

So, you basically didn't take our advice that you should ignore her until she talked to you first and you played into her game, acting like a sad puppy, now shes reaping in the benefits. Honestly (I guess ill be the first one to say it) , If i were you i'd just break up with her/not make the trip. This kind of immaturity is not acceptable by any means, shes not respecting you at all, and shes acting like a royal bitch. Its horrible timing, but it is what it is. This has gone far too long.

im gonna agree. if shes this way now over a stupid game imagine how she's gonna be with real issues? im sorry to say but this "woman" is not for you, you can do a hell of alot better then her.

[xoPinkMargarita]

I'll be honest (and probably harsh)

You are clingy, and your GF knows it. She is also a control freak and knows that you will cave in to her. She can act however she wants, and she knows that you will be there at the end of the day. Now consider this: Would you marry a girl that does that to you?

If I were in your shoes, I would get out of the relationship as fast as I can. Feel free to hear her out if she wants to talk. But to be frank, considering how often she has done the things that she has done to you, is it in your own interest and benefit to be involved in the games that your GF is playing on you?

Good luck with you. If you choose to stay with her and she does this again, I won't offer you any sympathy.

I agree with the above.. I feel as if you need to end this relationship before it ends up hurting you emotionally and mentally..

[Sanney4709]

I'm glad to here things are resolved. I feel some people are being a bit harsh. You had an argument she didn't handle it correctly and took it way to far. Like you said it is the first time this has happened. I believe in second chances and I am glad you decided to work it out. But if it happens again then you should really reconsider your relationship. Good luck!

[Katelyn313]

For lack of a better reaction, I'll just leave this here



On a more serious note, I think some of you are making a few too many assumptions, but I won't get into that. I'll just let you all know that things have continued to go in a positive direction tonight. We texted a bit at first when I got home from work, but then she called me unexpectedly primarily to talk about everything. I barely said anything before she apologized over and over to me, admitting what she did was wrong, and mean. I re-explained to her how I've felt, as well as everything I've been thinking... During the time this has been going on, I've been keeping track of my thoughts in a document on my computer, sort of my way of getting it all out of my head so I don't dwell on it. I referred to this as I talked to her and told her everything I was thinking from day to day. At the end, I told her that this can't happen again. Inevitably, in the future, we will have more arguments, and she needs to promise me we will talk it out like adults. She did. Obviously, time will tell on how reliable that promise is.

My main opinion on this is that, while the way this whole thing played out was terrible, unless she's done something like cheat on me, murder my friend, steal my stuff, etc, I'm not the type to give up on a relationship based on a 'first offense' like this, and a first offense doesn't indicate a trend. This was the first bump in our relationship. It was unexpected, mis-handled, overblown...and also misunderstood. I think we both have a better understanding of it now, and if her promise holds, then this won't be an issue again.

However, just to put all your minds at ease, if the shit hits the fan, you won't be hearing from me about it. I'd prefer not to be a burden to the board.

Thank you all for the help and support though.

I'm glad to hear that she seems to understand how you were feeling and I think it was a great idea to keep your thoughts outside of your head, rather than inside. (When I was in therapy for a bit, that was something they suggested). Also, please don't feel like a burden. I feel like I have someone to talk to in regards to the board and I don't want you to have to deal with things alone. I think you're right that this is a bump and that only time will tell how true her promises are. For now, and maybe I'm the only other one, I think you're doing a great job. Hang in there and have a good time on your trip!!

[Softy]

I hope it works out for you : )

cheers

[Jezah]

I can only speak for myself, but you are not a burden to the board in my eyes. I just think we all are appalled by your SO's actions and feel it was manipulative and controlling...so perhaps our reactions were a bit harsh. I don't think any of us like seeing another person treated badly, and that is exactly what you girlfriend did. I also feel like while a second chance is always good, this is something that can quickly become a habit now since you essentially let her get away with it.

I hope she doesn't do this again, and I hope she takes this second chance and uses it to better herself. Just take it from me, its easier to get out of a relationship the first time they pull something like this than it is down the line when they inevitably do it again.

[Bbth]

I am glad everything is ok
I think you should visit her, but have another place to stay, you know, just in case.
From her behavior you'll be able to tell if you guys put this behind you or not. If you did, congratulations, but be ready for similar situations in the future and try to make a plan on how to deal with this if it ever happens again. If you didn't, well, reconsider your relationship and see if it is really worth it. But I believe everything is gonna be ok!
You seem to be a good guy and a very patient person, don't stop posting on the forum! I know some advices can be harsh sometimes, but sometimes we need to see other possibilities we didn't see before. Don't take it personally.
Good luck!