Starting ECT, on break

[Jezah]

Me and HBB decided to take a break, and on top of that I am starting ECT (electroshock therapy) tomorrow.

Essentially after HBB saying he was going to call and not, again, for the millionth time I finally decided I can't take it. He blows me off when with his friends and I am tired of feeling this way. It hurts, and I am seriously tired of feeling hurt. He got a job and so we will be talking less, and I am starting the ECT which will mean 3x a week for a month I will be going into the hospital and coming home really out of it...its just everything timing wise is just awful. Part of me, and I hate myself for wishing this, hopes I forget HBB while getting the ECT. Lately I just feel so unhappy, he always says he will change and doesn't...and I can't spend my life waiting for him to grow up. I mean last night he said he would call, then got so drunk off his ass that he ended up falling asleep and not even telling me he wasn't going to call. I waited around, then got worried...and when he finally called in the morning he was so non-nonchalant about it. He apologized but his apologies mean nothing at this point, I don't know anyone else who apologizes so often for something that they repeat over and over. If he was really remorseful he would stop doing it.

I miss him already, we are still talking but no "I love you's" (not from me at least) and no affection....just acting like good friends. Just when I needed HBB the most he goes and plants that last straw on the camels back.

[Moon]

Jezah, you're doing the right thing. Cut way back on the talking though, give him the opportunity to miss you (he won't if you're still there!), and realize what he's missing. Try not to be too impatient, it's important. Good luck with the therapy, I sincerely hope you get some positive results, and let us know how you're doing during the break. Take care, OK?

[lucybelle]

Jezah, you're doing the right thing. Cut way back on the talking though, give him the opportunity to miss you (he won't if you're still there!), and realize what he's missing. Try not to be too impatient, it's important. Good luck with the therapy, I sincerely hope you get some positive results, and let us know how you're doing during the break. Take care, OK?

Moon said everything I wanted to. Best wishes!

[D.4C]

kinda sounds from your other posts that this would be best...and will help you both figure out what you really want

[rixue]

I hope your ETC goes alright tomorrow!

A break sounds like a good idea since you are feeling hurt all of the time. Disappointment after disappointment gets tiring and eventually you cannot put up with it anymore. You are right, you cannot spend your life waiting for him to grow up. Like Moon said try not to get too impatient during the break. I would let him come to you. Take some time to do things that make you happy, don't focus on him so much. I wish you the best of luck with everything!

[Jezah]

Cut way back on the talking though, give him the opportunity to miss you (he won't if you're still there!), and realize what he's missing. Try not to be too impatient, it's important.

This is going to be the hardest part, and in a way the fact that we both have things going on that are going to be taking up our time is good. Just this morning it was a struggle since I usually txt him and we call before I even get out of bed, but today I got up and went on Skype and waited for him to notice. Even that was difficult, I am not used to not having him there to talk to. Yet I know he takes me for granted and I know he needs to realize that I won't just always come back to him...doesn't mean it isn't hard.

For anyone who wants to keep up with how my ECT is going, I started a blog to chronicle the treatments and my results. Feel free to read and check in. https://shockmylife.blogspot.com/

[TwoThree]

Good luck with ECT.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Listen to Moon, she's always right!

Best of luck with your ECT. I hope it makes you feel much better. You deserve it.

[Kiyama]

Yes, I agree with Moon. I think that was the best thing to do even though it's painful now.
Good luck tomorrow Jezah *hugs*

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Good luck with your ECT!

And I think you're doing the right thing for yourself. It's going to be super hard, but try and stick to your guns. You can do this! And by the looks of things, you've got a lot of people behind you on this one. *lotsofhugs!*

[mllebamako]

Good luck with everything, Jezah. And I'll certainly be checking out your blog. I really hope that the ECT gives you the results that you want. And I hope that this break brings positive things as well.