How do people treat your relationship?

[Sharon Q]

Everyone here keep wanting me to wait to move. The people I know, ( mainly school staff ) try to find some reason or another for me to stay here in Ohio.

when I try to explain that I've been with this guy for four years and that because of the distance I've missed parts of his life that Id like to be there for, they just treat it like its nothing... like four years with someone is nothing.

They even tried telling me to find an apartment here. Why would I waste my time with that? when my home is just a few cities over and I can stay with my dad until I'm ready to go to PA.

I understand that hardly any one that hasnt gone through it wont understand. But when I explain that I'm not waiting longer than what I have to, I get treated like I'm stupid, for what, moving to another state to be with someone I love? Who I've spent 3 years of CD with and 1 year of LD.

How do people view or express their opinion of your relationship?

[kteire]

Why do school staff seem to think they can comment on that? They should mind their own freaking business!

And really, that goes for everyone else. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. It doesn't matter if any of them discount your relationship or try to tell you what to do, you can honestly just say it's your decision and that they are really not being helpful... to put it gently haha.

I can't complain really, most people have been very supportive or think it's romantic that I moved to a new country to be with my foreign boy. That is, apart from all the gross men who try to tell me that if he's in a different time zone nothing counts. Lovely people.

[Verojoon]

I've been told he isn't REALLY my boyfriend... I've been told it's crazy and don't I have needs? No one seems to really take it very seriously...

[Honour]

My relationship has always been met with distaste, mainly from my parents and certain friends. They don't believe it's a "relationship". So I mainly keep quiet about it, though I wish I didn't have to.

[lyonsgirl]

My friends and family go back and forth between supportive to thinking I'm crazy. I visited my mom at the new house in at the end of August, and she outright asked me if Nix & I are still serious about marrying each other. (Most definitely.) She's been a little wary of the relationship ever since I brought up marriage to him the first time though... maybe it's just because I'm the youngest of my family? I have some friends who are super supportive, and others who think I'm crazy and tell me that if they were me, they would have broken up with him by now or "done something drastic". (I'd love to, but we can't afford for me to just quit my job & move. I'm not going to put us in debt.)

[Sharon Q]

My relationship has always been met with distaste, mainly from my parents and certain friends. They don't believe it's a "relationship". So I mainly keep quiet about it, though I wish I didn't have to.

I know the feeling. I can talk about it with friends but when it comes to older adults they dont see the point, my dad feels after I move there my SO is gonna fuck me over, take all my money and leave me.

I understand my dad's fears. But still I was CD with him for 3 years tho my dad was never really fond of him, tho that may be because I'm the baby of the family.

[Alle1770]

My parents are really supportive of it, or at least my mum. She was in an LDR when she was a bit older than I am now herself, so she's being really understanding and all. My dad and I never had a very good connection, so I think he's just doing whatever my mum does xD I have a few relatives that are very much against it though, saying it won't ever work, that it's nothing to "waste time on".... I was actually almost about to punch the person who said that, and they are supposed to be my family! My friends are really great about it though, constantly saying that the relationship between me and my SO is like a fairytale and such, but they are very opposed to the idea of me moving once we've all graduated... And I will move no matter what they think, but at the same time it hurts a bit inside when they say stuff like "You can't just leave us, we're your friends, we've been here longer than he has"... And it's not meant as a funny comment :/

[Malaga]

Most people have been positive about our relationship, the worst we got was neutral or "I don't know how you do it, I wouldn't be able to", which is fine.

Right now though people are starting to ask when are we going to close the distance and when I don't have a specific answer, they look at me like, "hmm two years and no plan in motion, maybe they don't want to close the distance at all". Even my boyfriend's Mum told her friend she doesn't think we're that interested in settling down and getting married. I honestly don't know where she got that from. We've both been 100% committed and serious from day 1 and frequently talk about closing the distance at some point.

[Shepard-Fowkes]

All of my family and friends were supportive of us, or hesitant because of other factors like our age and how quickly we started dating. And now, they've been able to meet my SO and get to know him and our relationship so they're even more supportive now . There have been people who were like, "OMG long distance blah blah axe murderer blah blah never last blah blah." but nobody who has said that was important enough for me to value their opinion so.. :P

[Moon]

I've not run into any problems. It's treated the same as any other relationship, sure I get curious questions from people I don't know well, but that's OK, I'm happy to answer them. I think one nice thing about being a bit older is that people's opinions about your life choices just don't affect you much anymore, I mean I really don't worry if someone thinks negatively because my relationship is LD, what they think is fine, everyone's entitled to their opinion, just like I'm entitled to ignore them. At a family reunion this past spring, I had a gaggle of little old ladies (in their 80's), asking a lot of questions about how this works, how we do it, marriage, kids, how often we can see each other, etc. Some looked at me a little funny and some were totally fascinated, but I enjoyed it. My mom was actually answering them better than I was She was saying how great communication is in LD, that Raine and I really talk to each other for over an hour a day, and how many of them can say they do the same with their spouses? Most of the ol' ladies got it.

You just can't expect everyone to understand, especially if they've never experienced it themselves. Of course they see things in the media and stuff, but you have to remember that the media only reports on stories they can sensationalize, not boring happy endings Keep in mind the difference between those who are genuinely worried about you, and those who are just asshats, and make sure you treat each differently when talking about your LDR. People who care enough for you to worry should get some consideration, especially parents, they are just doing their job, whether you like it or not, and if you're still a minor, well just deal with it then in a calm, rational manner if you want to be taken seriously by them.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I've only had one bad experience with someone saying "Oh, what's the point, it'll never work out blah blah blah", but he was just some idiot with quite a few sticks up his a** who had one failed 'LDR' (I say 'ldr' because they were an hour apart apparently, and they broke up because she cheated - so, nothing to do with the distance at all really) under his belt. Even then my friend stuck up for me. Her words were something like "When you see them together, you understand why they do it".

Other than that, the people around me are supportive. I think that's just because of who I am. They know I wouldn't bother if it wasn't something special. And that I'm not unrealistic in thinking this is something special. As the above analogy can probably illustrate. :P

[Haley53]

I've not run into any problems. It's treated the same as any other relationship, sure I get curious questions from people I don't know well, but that's OK, I'm happy to answer them. I think one nice thing about being a bit older is that people's opinions about your life choices just don't affect you much anymore, I mean I really don't worry if someone thinks negatively because my relationship is LD, what they think is fine, everyone's entitled to their opinion, just like I'm entitled to ignore them. At a family reunion this past spring, I had a gaggle of little old ladies (in their 80's), asking a lot of questions about how this works, how we do it, marriage, kids, how often we can see each other, etc. Some looked at me a little funny and some were totally fascinated, but I enjoyed it. My mom was actually answering them better than I was She was saying how great communication is in LD, that Raine and I really talk to each other for over an hour a day, and how many of them can say they do the same with their spouses? Most of the ol' ladies got it.

You just can't expect everyone to understand, especially if they've never experienced it themselves. Of course they see things in the media and stuff, but you have to remember that the media only reports on stories they can sensationalize, not boring happy endings Keep in mind the difference between those who are genuinely worried about you, and those who are just asshats, and make sure you treat each differently when talking about your LDR. People who care enough for you to worry should get some consideration, especially parents, they are just doing their job, whether you like it or not, and if you're still a minor, well just deal with it then in a calm, rational manner if you want to be taken seriously by them.

I echo this 100%.

[Trethsparr]

Most people have been positive about our relationship, the worst we got was neutral or "I don't know how you do it, I wouldn't be able to", which is fine.

It was exactly the same for us when we were long distance. Strangers were curious and never negative, and those closest to us knew we'd make it work.

[summerstillhere]

I've been told he isn't REALLY my boyfriend... I've been told it's crazy and don't I have needs? No one seems to really take it very seriously...

Well same here. ;(
Even the closest person in the office told me that too.
When i tell her that he's now back in his hometown and when she heard i called him bf she just ask me to gv up and she told me its not going anywhere. And she said why do i call him bf when he's far as if she thinks love is only for people that can see each other everyday.

So, from the day she told me that i never discuss about my relationship with her again. I dont knowwhy she only gv her negative comments about me being in a relationship with him.

And people around me dont seem to be very supportive. They dont believe in long distance. Thats what lead me here to this site.

Im glad i find more ppl in the same situation with me. Finally i can share my problem with ppl who had experienced LDR

[ushiwakafox]

I've been very blessed with parents who are supportive of my relationship. I think it definitely helps that we began CD for 3 years so they know who he is. I really do think it's ignorance that bars people from being supportive of LDRs. My parents understand LDRs because my dad is military and has had to deploy several times, many times for over a year. So they are experts in LDRs, even before cell phones and emailing really got popular.
However, my distant family didn't understand as well. I had family members tell me that I should drop him and find someone I can be with. Like they would just make little comments like "why not, you're not married" which made me think "so you want me to whore around?" Since then they've come around. I guess it had to take 5 years for them to realize he's not going anywhere, and through it all we made everything work.
My friends and people I mention it to think it's just amazing that we've been through a LDR and respect that about us, which I really appreciate.