The Reputation of LDRs

[ginaxnj]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one? I never really gave it too much though. I never thought I would ever be in one either.

Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games? The only other person I knew who was in a long distance relationship was my best friend who is now married and she never treated it like a game.

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen? I think that the media puts down LDR's. In my opinion I think that the majority of people in this world think that they don't work.

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you? One guy did, but the people that I do tell it to find it strange but they don't harass me about it.

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR? A REAL LDR is someone who is in a relationship with someone who lives more than just an hour or 2 away. I mean if you can see each other every weekend then you are not in a long distance relationship.

[LadyMarchHare]

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?
The only really significant thing I've ever seen in the media on it is somebody advocating dating local to go green. It was patently ridiculous, and was generally laughed at by everybody who heard it.

I had to address this, it's so absurd. Someone was trying to push the going 'green' trend by saying you should date locally? So I guess all the car/bus rides in the local area don't count as not being green then? Wow.

[Caitlin2009]

A REAL LDR is someone who is in a relationship with someone who lives more than just an hour or 2 away. I mean if you can see each other every weekend then you are not in a long distance relationship.

amen to that!!! im sorry it doesnt count as long distance if your like a hour away from each other and see each other all the time

[lpuckett]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?
For some reason, online realtionships and military relationships to me were not LDRs.. I just assumed that joining this site I would find someone in the same situation as me, being CD then having to go LD for some reason, and when I realized most people met online or were military, I kinda left like those were lesser forms of of a LDR

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?
I feel like the media's portrayal was that of one being in a CDR and having to go into a LDR, like in most of the movies.. so I think it is a positive representation of love lasting the distance.. I guess i think this because i didnt even know people were still meeting online as adults, though I saw it when I was like 12 online.

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you? No

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?
Unfortunately, I am pretty opinionated and not very open minded.. I don't understand how people can be long distance for years having met online. I also think a real LDR is one that is working towards ending it.. not in 5 years but as soon as possible because it should be the top priory in your life.

[Caitlin2009]

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?
Unfortunately, I am pretty opinionated and not very open minded.. I don't understand how people can be long distance for years having met online. I also think a real LDR is one that is working towards ending it.. not in 5 years but as soon as possible because it should be the top priory in your life.

because sometimes you cant always end it as soon as you want it to end, if you really love that person and it takes years for whatever reason to live under one roof then so be it. Rushing to end a LDR to live together is not always the best option

[folclor]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?
Um...I didn't really have an opinion of them. I saw what you mentioned in chatrooms, etc, and was actually the one asked out in some instances (though if they asked I closed the chatroom cause I thought it was stupid), but I didn't have a negative prospective on them... nor did I have a positive one. ^^; it was all just...there and going on and I really didn't pay much mind.

Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games?
Outside of this forum? Well, I come across more people who think you can't meet someone online (hey, I'll admit, I make fun of the eHarmony commercials, too), but I come across more people who were dating in high school, but then went to different colleges and so are still dating long distance. Not so much the 'I met him online' thing like I did.

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?
I think dating sites, for the most part, aren't really the best. Then again, I believe that when you're not looking you'll find what you want so...yeah. And I met my boyfriend on Gaia Online so...not so much for the dating sites. ^^;; in that respect I'm unsure because I've never known anyone IRL who's had a successful run after meeting a guy off a dating site, but for the most part I think that media portrayals are pretty bad. I mean...if you've grown up with the internet hopefully you know how to handle yourself on it. and it's pretty hard to photoshop on the go so if you get them on video chat...

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you?
One of my coworkers does. However, he also is a creeper who tries hitting on me even though he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. Most people, though, when I let them know that we've already met, are cool with it. Of course, there are a couple friends who have issues with it but that's beside the point.

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?
Treat it like it's a CDR with more need for communication and intimacy. That and actually putting effort into closing the distance. But, yeah, I guess what I mean about treating it like a CDR is act as if you're going to see the person every day, don't do things you'd regret them knowing about, value the time you have with them...wait, this is sounding more like advice. ^^;;
a true LDR is defined by two people desiring to have a romantic relationship who, for whatever reason, are not living within the same town at the same time.

[NaNi]

because sometimes you cant always end it as soon as you want it to end, if you really love that person and it takes years for whatever reason to live under one roof then so be it. Rushing to end a LDR to live together is not always the best option

I agree. There are a few other priorities too, besides wanting to end the distance. I for one want to finish school so that I can find a well paid job and start a life with my SO. I could quit school and just move... but that wouldn't be very clever.

[xsomanymilesx]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?
i didnt really take LDRS seriously, i thought it was a dead end and that it would only lead to heartbreak... and like most people i vowed id never let myself get into that type of relationship becuase i saw from an outside how hard it was.

Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games?
ive only ever experienced one other person i know in an LDR and it was very much real and not a game... so i guess it could of been worse for me if i had seen people treating them like games, and had more of a pessamistic view and had less respect for them, thus less respect for MY relationship... which wouldnt be good.
i think that you cant really define treating a relationship like a game to just LDRS because loads of CDRS are treated like games too.. if not more so since people get caught up in the physical side of a relationship without really getting to know + love a person.

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?
i agree with bluestars, the media make it out like meeting people online is dangerous and everyone you meet online must be a paedophile.. which isnt the case, i dont think the media goes into much other detail and it doesnt need to since it has already formed a public opinion, which is wrong but true. i dont think many people other than our generation know much at all about falling inlove in the cyber world... the older people are conditoned to not understand and the younger have yet to experience it. its a curse in a way because some people/cultures may see it as taboo, but hopefully in the future LDRS will become more known, more popular and thus portrayed in a more positive way.

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you?
i have some funny looks, even from my friends. ive only ever had one friend blow up at me about it... but mostly they are supportive and like my boyfriend, and even though i havent met him see how much we like eachother, by talking to him on the phone and stuff...
as for other people i havent told them, i dont want to tell many people as i havent told my parents yet... it would feel wrong for everyone to know but them. but i guess im also a bit nervous incase i get shot down, since someone i thought would support me didnt.. i dread to think those who dont know/like me will say.

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?
loyalty and trust which WILL cross an ocean, landmass, timezones and to pluto if need be.
were just the same as CDR, without the closeness.
love is still the same no matter where you locate yourself on a map.

[Caitlin2009]

I agree. There are a few other priorities too, besides wanting to end the distance. I for one want to finish school so that I can find a well paid job and start a life with my SO. I could quit school and just move... but that wouldn't be very clever.

mmmhmm dont get me wrong i would love to just quit my job, and just move with her but i dont wanna rush into things and move before im really meant to do so, right now neither one of us have the means to do that just yet! maybe in a few months but not right now, why risk fucking everything up with just jumping into things and rushing them? i would love to do that but things happen for a reason and when the time is right then we can live under one roof

[NaNi]

mmmhmm dont get me wrong i would love to just quit my job, and just move with her but i dont wanna rush into things and move before im really meant to do so, right now neither one of us have the means to do that just yet! maybe in a few months but not right now, why risk fucking everything up with just jumping into things and rushing them? i would love to do that but things happen for a reason and when the time is right then we can live under one roof

Exactly. I wish I could just quit school, fly to New Zealand and start a new life with my SO. But I also know that I need the education to be able to find a good job where my SO lives.

[LadyMarchHare]

@folclor: You met your SO on Gaia, too? How neat!

@NaNi and Caitlin: I agree with you both. I think everyone wants the distance to end like 2 weeks ago yesterday but a lot of us still have 'me' searching to do, not to mention all the work that comes with picking up and moving no matter how large the distance. It's more work if/when you find out you two can't live together because of clashing personalities/lifestyles you didn't see before.

[folclor]

lol, yeah. ^^ he joined an RP I was running. ^^;; How did y'all meet?

[LadyMarchHare]

I joined a RP one of his old buddies from another one was running and he joined it too. He didn't stay in it long but he would always invite me to ones he made. Back in January he asked my help running another one and it's how we got much closer. It's kinda funny how we both met our SOs that way.

[Sambob]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?

I suppose I thought people must be desperate to hang onto someone so far away and believed the only kind of support could be right there and physical. How wrong was I!!! I get more emotional support and love from 11,000 miles away than I do from everyone else in my life put together.

Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games?

I know no-one else in my circle (or even remotely associated) who is, or has been, involved in an LDR, everyone close to me thinks I've lost the plot and should be psychologically assessed! I'm UK and my SO is in Australia, the ultimate in long distance, funnily enough it seems far more accepted at his end than mine, he's seen as loyal and committed and I'm seen as a 'just move on, there's plenty more fish in the sea' candidate. It was a relief when we started travelling to South East Asia to meet up and people there just didn't think anything to it and were anything but critical.

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?

Haven't seen much media stuff here in the UK, what there is focuses very much on people selling out to get a visa and an easy ride to our benefit system and citizenship. Nothing positive to report sadly.

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you?

Don't know about harass but people certainly seem to think it's OK to have WAY too much of an opinion about my relationship and well over step the mark nosing about our personal/intimacy issues. Stuff I would never lecture other people about seems fair game and I seem to refrain from being insulting about their partners whilst they have the world of opinion about mine. At his side of the world we've had a seemingly steady number of women who seem to see it as some kind of challenge to break his loyalty and an ex here who now all of a sudden wants to be me as she can see a visa on the horizon, that's seriously annoying.

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?

How long's a piece of string?!?! If pushed for an answer I'd say once you've met and know that together feeling is still there in the physical being you're onto a winner. I'm lucky, I knew my SO for a long while before we were even together and the pain has been losing him, not sure if I'd have fell for someone solely online, but that's my personality as I'm no spring chicken and some online stuff still scares me!

[Caitlin2009]

I get more emotional support and love from 11,000 miles away than I do from everyone else in my life put together.

aint that the truth, and you just know its gonna be the same when they finally visit you as well. I've never felt so loved like the way Denise loves me, its the most purest love out there. i would love to have mostly everybody feel what we feel for our SO's and what are SO's feel for us on a daily basis, its the most amazing feeling ever