Hi everyone!
I'm not sure if I'm writing this to simply get it out, or if I just need to feel like I'm not crazy. :P I just wanted some honest advice, and to anyone who reads this in advance, thank you.
So, Stephen and I have been going out for just over a year now. (Yay!) I just arrived back from spending 3 of the most wonderful months of my life with him in Ireland this summer, and it was everything I wanted, and more. It was the first time we got to be in the same place for a solidified amount of time, without one of us leaving/going on trips.
It's been about a month now since I got back, and things are great. I miss him like crazy every day, but I'm coping much better this time than I did the first time around. Instead of compromising my entire life for our relationship, I'm focusing on school, writing (when I can), and getting things back on track so I can move over to Ireland as soon as possible after graduation. I know I've definitely matured in my coping capabilities, but I feel these past few weeks, like we're only getting to see each other on the fly (I'm either always working or doing homework. Literally. This year I'm in all English classes, plus a philosophy one, and my entire workload is reading and writing papers.). I tried bringing this up a few weeks ago, but I didn't go about it the best way (basically, I told him I felt like his TV was his new girlfriend, and it was definitely just my PMS speaking). I apologized, of course, and decided to value every moment, instead of wishing we had more time--sometimes, which is just physically impossible.
The thing is, his sister recently moved up to his hometown (he's been living with his dad for the past year to save up for my ticket this summer, and to save on money), and she has two lovely, wonderful kids, who I bonded with really well this summer. I love his entire family, and I really enjoy the times I get to chat with his niece and nephew (his sisters' kids). He also has a son and semi step daugher (he's been her father figure her entire life, even though he's not her biological father) whom I adore. Basically, it's family love. His sister is a successful businesswoman, and, because of the recent move, she travels 3 1/2 hours for about half the week, and has left the kids with Stephen (she is paying him, so that's not an issue :P). I can tell he really enjoys spending time with them, taking them to school (I swear, my heart melts every time he makes their lunches ), etc. The thing is, the kids are always there. He's a huge softy, and lets them use his Ipad (that we use to skype) pretty much whenever they want. Then, if his son and stepdaugher are there on the weekends, it's even more of a revolving door, and I just feel like we rarely get a chance to talk, at least deeply, any more. We haven't had a "deep" chat since I got back pretty much--mostly, it's "How was your day/this is what I did" and that's it. It's not awkward by any means, but I just feel we haven't connected on the level I'm used to for quite awhile.
I know part of it is the readjustment from 24/7 together to 20-30 minutes a day, if we're lucky. I know he's doing this with the kids to not only help his sister out, but to save up for moving out of his dad's place. I just...I miss us. I miss the constant intimacy, the goodnight kisses, everything. It's not an issue of us talking every day; it's an issue of us being able to talk without interruption.
I wouldn't dream of asking the kids to leave, because I love chatting with them just as much. They're so incredibly sweet, and I love getting to keep in touch with his family. Maybe I'm just frustrated now...I don't know.
How do you guys keep precious alone time, especially those of you with kids, or who are dating someone with kids? I feel like such a horrible girlfriend, because I feel like it makes me sound like I don't like his family, but I just adore them. And he's working (pretty) steadily again, and we're both living much healthier personal lives.
Is it just me still readjusting to university life? Is this even an issue? Am I a horrible girlfriend? I love him so much, and I just would love to have more quality alone time together, but I do not want to nag, sound ungrateful, or make it seem like he puts no effort into this relationship, because he puts so much in.
Maybe I just need some words of wisdom? A whack on the head? :P Any response is appreciated, and thanks for reading.
I'm not sure if I'm writing this to simply get it out, or if I just need to feel like I'm not crazy. :P I just wanted some honest advice, and to anyone who reads this in advance, thank you.
So, Stephen and I have been going out for just over a year now. (Yay!) I just arrived back from spending 3 of the most wonderful months of my life with him in Ireland this summer, and it was everything I wanted, and more. It was the first time we got to be in the same place for a solidified amount of time, without one of us leaving/going on trips.
It's been about a month now since I got back, and things are great. I miss him like crazy every day, but I'm coping much better this time than I did the first time around. Instead of compromising my entire life for our relationship, I'm focusing on school, writing (when I can), and getting things back on track so I can move over to Ireland as soon as possible after graduation. I know I've definitely matured in my coping capabilities, but I feel these past few weeks, like we're only getting to see each other on the fly (I'm either always working or doing homework. Literally. This year I'm in all English classes, plus a philosophy one, and my entire workload is reading and writing papers.). I tried bringing this up a few weeks ago, but I didn't go about it the best way (basically, I told him I felt like his TV was his new girlfriend, and it was definitely just my PMS speaking). I apologized, of course, and decided to value every moment, instead of wishing we had more time--sometimes, which is just physically impossible.
The thing is, his sister recently moved up to his hometown (he's been living with his dad for the past year to save up for my ticket this summer, and to save on money), and she has two lovely, wonderful kids, who I bonded with really well this summer. I love his entire family, and I really enjoy the times I get to chat with his niece and nephew (his sisters' kids). He also has a son and semi step daugher (he's been her father figure her entire life, even though he's not her biological father) whom I adore. Basically, it's family love. His sister is a successful businesswoman, and, because of the recent move, she travels 3 1/2 hours for about half the week, and has left the kids with Stephen (she is paying him, so that's not an issue :P). I can tell he really enjoys spending time with them, taking them to school (I swear, my heart melts every time he makes their lunches ), etc. The thing is, the kids are always there. He's a huge softy, and lets them use his Ipad (that we use to skype) pretty much whenever they want. Then, if his son and stepdaugher are there on the weekends, it's even more of a revolving door, and I just feel like we rarely get a chance to talk, at least deeply, any more. We haven't had a "deep" chat since I got back pretty much--mostly, it's "How was your day/this is what I did" and that's it. It's not awkward by any means, but I just feel we haven't connected on the level I'm used to for quite awhile.
I know part of it is the readjustment from 24/7 together to 20-30 minutes a day, if we're lucky. I know he's doing this with the kids to not only help his sister out, but to save up for moving out of his dad's place. I just...I miss us. I miss the constant intimacy, the goodnight kisses, everything. It's not an issue of us talking every day; it's an issue of us being able to talk without interruption.
I wouldn't dream of asking the kids to leave, because I love chatting with them just as much. They're so incredibly sweet, and I love getting to keep in touch with his family. Maybe I'm just frustrated now...I don't know.
How do you guys keep precious alone time, especially those of you with kids, or who are dating someone with kids? I feel like such a horrible girlfriend, because I feel like it makes me sound like I don't like his family, but I just adore them. And he's working (pretty) steadily again, and we're both living much healthier personal lives.
Is it just me still readjusting to university life? Is this even an issue? Am I a horrible girlfriend? I love him so much, and I just would love to have more quality alone time together, but I do not want to nag, sound ungrateful, or make it seem like he puts no effort into this relationship, because he puts so much in.
Maybe I just need some words of wisdom? A whack on the head? :P Any response is appreciated, and thanks for reading.
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