Should I just show up? -- Attempt at Reconciliation

[InIt4Love]

My boyfriend (now ex) and I were involved in a 2 year long, long distance relationship. We had known each other practically all of our lives and reconnected on Facebook. 3 months ago I broke things off with him in an attempt to resolve some issues in my life that was keeping us from moving to the same state together. After less than a week without him in my life I told him I made a mistake and begged him to forgive me and give me a second chance. He said he still loved me but basically was afraid of being hurt again. Over the last 3 months we have talked very little and I have constantly expressed interest in giving our relationship another try. He has said he misses me, loves me and thinks about me every day, but still will not commit to giving me another chance. I can't just let him go, I feel like we have such a strong connection that I will never find anyone that I have that kind of connection with. I made plans to fly out to Arizona in 3 weeks where he lives in hopes he will have dinner with me and we can possibly talk about getting back together. I guess I think if he sees me and hears what I have to say in person he might really consider giving us another chance. I feel like I have to make this last attempt to save our relationship. Should I just walk away or do you think I am doing the right thing by making one final effort to convince him we were meant to be together? I have friends and family in Arizona so I do have other things I could do while I am there and I don't plan to show up at his house or anything crazy like that.

[Moon]

Well, you already bought the tickets, so...

I guess as long as you are doing other things while there and not camped out on his doorstep, there's no harm in it. Just be prepared that he may not want to see you, and plan accordingly. Many times what's show as a disgustingly romantic gesture in the movies doesn't work that way in real life Good luck.

[InIt4Love]

I haven't mentioned the trip to him yet and the tickets are refundable so it's not too late to back out. I am fully expecting him to not respond to my request to meet up and am prepared for the worse case scenario. I just can't get it out of my head that I have to do this and make one final attempt to save us. If nothing else I want complete and final closure for myself. I want to know that the random texts in the middle of the night that say I love you have no meaning behind them.

[Verojoon]

After I broke up with my bf, he asked me to come back to him quite a lot... but eventually he decided he wanted nothing to do with me and told me he would never talk to me again... And stopped answering any message I sent him... I had the same idea as you, but I had no family there to stay with... I thought I could just get a hotel and ask him if he would see me... but I was scared... I wrote him a text and deleted it almost every day for a week after I first had the idea of seeing him again... I wrote: "If I came to Dallas, you wouldn't see me, right?" He surprised me with his quick positive answer! He said of course he would see me! And so we started planning my trip, which soon became planning a vacation...

It didn't immediately fix everything... but we are still working very hard at our relationship and our time apart helped us both realize what we want from life...

[Honour]

Do it. Fly there, have dinner, and see where things go from there. I experienced something similar this summer with my other half, and it was the single biggest mistake of my life. If you don't go, you may just regret it for the rest of your life, so I would go and talk things through. Be prepared for either disappointment or a second chance. I really hope things work out for you both. Good luck.

[Sharon Q]

If in your position I would go. But ask him first. some guys don't like big surprises like that ( it depends on the guy tho )

[LittleBox]

I'd say go for it, but don't pin your hopes too high. If back now you'll have that constant "What if" nagging thought. Might as well take a chance and see how it turns out. As long as you have other things to keep you occupied with so that you're not holding your breath waiting for him.

Good luck!

[dizzyupthemeg]

I agree with Moon. As long as you have other activities to do and other things to keep your mind preoccupied in case of rejection, I say go for it.

[InIt4Love]

I sent him an e-mail letting him know I would be in town on October 19 and I said I would like to see him that night if he was free and wanted to see me, but also said I would understand if he wasn't free and didn't want to see me. I don't expect he will respond to my message at all. I guess I have 3 long weeks to wait it out and agonize about it. If he would just out right say he did not want to be with me I think it would be easier for me to move on, but as long as there is a small glimmer of hope in my mind I can’t just let it go. If he doesn’t see me then I am willing to walk away and accept that our relationship has run its course.

[summerstillhere]

My boyfriend (now ex) and I were involved in a 2 year long, long distance relationship. We had known each other practically all of our lives and reconnected on Facebook. 3 months ago I broke things off with him in an attempt to resolve some issues in my life that was keeping us from moving to the same state together. After less than a week without him in my life I told him I made a mistake and begged him to forgive me and give me a second chance. He said he still loved me but basically was afraid of being hurt again. Over the last 3 months we have talked very little and I have constantly expressed interest in giving our relationship another try. He has said he misses me, loves me and thinks about me every day, but still will not commit to giving me another chance. I can't just let him go, I feel like we have such a strong connection that I will never find anyone that I have that kind of connection with. I made plans to fly out to Arizona in 3 weeks where he lives in hopes he will have dinner with me and we can possibly talk about getting back together. I guess I think if he sees me and hears what I have to say in person he might really consider giving us another chance. I feel like I have to make this last attempt to save our relationship. Should I just walk away or do you think I am doing the right thing by making one final effort to convince him we were meant to be together? I have friends and family in Arizona so I do have other things I could do while I am there and I don't plan to show up at his house or anything crazy like that.

if i were you i will fly there and try to fix everything. i will try the final effort, if it didnt work at least you hv tried everything.
trust me, if you dont try you will regret it for as long as you can remember.
it happened to me before. and it took really long time for me to heal. for 5 years i always regret for not trying until i find someone new.

[churchgrim]

For your situation, I'd definitely tell him first. I think it would be unwise to just send him a message saying "Hey, I'm here and I want to see you". I think not telling him until you're already there will put a lot of pressure on him that he shouldn't have to feel. I think if you tell him first that you'll be in his area, it will give him time to contemplate about his feelings for you and what he wants to do. If you tell him first, he'll have time to think and plan.

It would just work out best for both of you to plan through it before you do go. Make plans to stay with your family/friends the whole time and tell him so, so he doesn't feel any obligation to look after you. In the end, if he didn't want to work through things with you, it will save you both a lot of heart ache. And if he says he wouldn't want to see you, you have time to refund the tickets/make other plans too.

Good luck though, I hope things get resolved for you two.

edit: I'm so sorry, I didn't see your second messege about you contacting him!

[Romeo s Juliet]

I think you should go for it sometimes, no matter how cheesy, reckless, stupid things may seem, a chance needs to be taken.
because you are ready for the worst anyways, ( him not wanting to meet u, him breaking things off ) you should go see what happens. it is taking a chance. but of he breaks things off with you, it will be easier for you to move on knowing that you did everything it takes.
however its good that you let him know, in case he says no, you can always get a refund the tickets, or go to meet your friends/family over there
good luck

[InIt4Love]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I haven't received a response to my e-mail yet. I figured I will give it a week or so and follow-up with a voicemail. I am kinda feeling defeated already. I wish he would just be straight with me and say one way or another what he wants. If he just said "I don't want to be with you." I could accept that and move on, but its the mixed signals that have been holding on to hope for a future for us.

[InIt4Love]

I sent him the e-mail saying I was coming a week and a half ago. This is the exact e-mail I sent with a copy of my flight information:

Hey XXXXX. I am planning to fly into XXXXX on October 19. I would like to meet up with you Friday night, if you are available. If you are not free or just don't want to see me, I totally understand. I just wanted to make one last effort to try to salvage our relationship and I don't know any other way to try other then coming to XXXXX and hoping you will see me.

I love you with everything that I have and with everthing that I am. I just want you to be happy, even if it's not with me. All you have to do is say you don't want me and I will stop trying to fight for your love. It is not my intention to cause you any heartache by coming out. I do hope you will see me.


Love Always,
Me

And I have not received a response. I tried to call him last night and no answer. I didn't leave a voicemail either. I am feeling defeated. He has not contacted me in 3 weeks. I wish he would respond in some fashion whether it be f*ck off, I don't want to see you, don't bother coming, something, anything. There is a small part of me that thinks he will just surprise me at the airport, but I am sure that sort of stuff just happens in the movies. The more I think about it the more I think I can't deal with anymore rejection. I want a happy ending for us, but I don't think we are going to get one.

[Haley53]

Maybe you contacting him is as painful as it is for you. Even when it's no longer going to work, someone persistently begging you for another chance can get taxing and painful, simply because of the connection you did once have to that person. Maybe it's going to be better to let it go, to not bother him about it any further, and to let what happens happen. :/