To tell the SO or not...?!

[redapple]

Short story short- I've developed trust issues in my relationship. The usual stuff- I think he's going to leave me or find someone better or perhaps cheat (though I think he'd break it off first).

An example: He's moving away with another girl I know, in the past he absent mindely called her hot and she's actually a friend of mine and is one of those people that everyone likes- so guess what? I'm terrified they are going to fall in love together! Honestly it's like all I think about. Everytime I'm with her I spot personality traits I think he'll like... It's just ridiculous!

Now my issue is that he's never done anything wrong. I just seem to have become the jealous type and I don't know what to do. I'm well aware that these kind of insecurities are my problem but should I talk to him about it? (though in this crazy lady mindset I've developed I'm scared that it will make him realise that he is in fact missing out on either the girl I talked about or other girls and leave me)

So yep help a crazy lady out... Should I talk to him tonight about it or just try and get over it?!

HELP!

[Romeo s Juliet]

Yeah i think you should tell him that you feel uncomfortable about the fact that he is moving away with this girl. not in a demanding or intrusive way. just tell how you feel to him exactly, like hey darling, do you know, i feel kind of sad that i am here not being able to meet you, even touch you, and you moving away with that girl, made me kind of sad. it sucks because i wish i was that girl right now, wanting to move away with you. and being so honest with you right now, i am feeling a bit insecure. I love you alot, but i cant help it that i feel so insecure. i think i need to be reassured quite alot :/
^^ thats what i would say if i was in a similar situation

so let him know what you really feel. but make sure not to say anything about the other girl. in a negative way. then it will come off as bitchiness or total jealousy. just concentrate on how you feel about you and him
good luck!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

If I were you, I would talk about it. If you don't, you're just going to drive yourself mad about it. To be honest, if it's bugging you so much that you're posting about it, it's bugging you enough for a calm conversation with your SO (I mean that in a nice way). But please try and be calm, let him know that you KNOW he hasn't done anything wrong and that it's your own insecurities.

Trouble is, the only thing he can do is calm you down, quell your worries a bit, but there's no magic cure for jealousy. You need to find ways to get your security back. Try and remember to tell yourself that your SO is with YOU.

Also, you can't do much about things that haven't happened. Worrying that he might want other girls is only going to upset you. There's not a lot of point stressing yourself out about a problem that you don't even know will happen. I know that doesn't make you any less worried, but put it in perspective. You can only deal with this as a problem if it actually happens. And there's no guarantee that it will. In fact, if you go by past experience, it looks very unlikely that it will.

*Hugs* it's difficult, but try and be as calm about this as possible.

[hrp2007]

I would talk to him about, open communication

[Softy]

Talk about it for sure.
Make sure you both have time to talk and that's its an appropriate moment.

And you are not crazy, maybe insecure a tad or have trust issues.
But you know what, you can fix that overtime.

Myself have trust issues.... and sometimes it gets bad and it's eatin me inside.

But my SO knows about it, he knows where my fears/issues comes from and he's very patient with me.
I do tell him how i feel all the time, when i feel insecure of feel a lil down.
I also expect him (and he knows) to tell me if he feels bad or if he is worried about anythin at all.

So yes, do tell him.
Create trust and communication to have a solid relationship with him : )


cheers

[Black_Halloween]

I think you need to open up to him about it.

[Zephii]

Generally any time someone asks "should I tell my SO?" the answer is always yes. I'd be careful how you tell him though, because really, this isn't his problem/fault and you need to make sure he knows you know that. It's ok to be needy and ask for reassurance every once in a while - just as it's ok for him to notice other chicks are hot once in a while. These things all make us human. They don't mean we're going to drive our SOs into the arms of someone else just because we're a tad possessive, nor that he's going to chase after every other skirt he sees. It just doesn't work like that.

[JennMarcus612]

I've had thoughts like that too. I got over it quick though when he wrote me a letter and told me all what he thought. I thought since he is the fresh meat in the office now since his ex moved out the ladies would go after him and wouldn't you know they do. One drives me absolutely nuts saying I'm a figment of his imagination and that she's a real woman. (A real psycho that one.) And I had always had this jealous fear that if his ex cleaned up and became a good mom to their kids he'd realize why they fell in love to begin with. He even saved her letters to him from a decade ago (which I learned he saved all his letters hes ever gotten in the mail, I just chose to try and hurt myself with being mis informed.) We all have fears of that happening but he wouldn't be going through the trouble of having a relationship to begin with if he wasn't in love with you. Sure it would be easy to date your friend or sure it would be easier for Marc to go out with his ex....point is they DONT WANT TO. They want you! I do the same exact thing. I get super jealous and then feel guilty. I just remind myself of my title as "his lady" and as his "future mrs. cadwell" and I'm fine again. You got this!!!!

[efish1042]

You always need to communicate with your SO. Getting things out there whether they change things or not.
However, you also are displaying a lot of insecurity in this relationship. That needs to be worked out. Whether that's a problem with you or something he's done to merit it, it needs to be handled if things can be expected to get any better.

[redapple]

Update: I will speak to him and take into account the, as always, good advice above. However timing has not worked in our favour. We attended a funeral of a family member of his today, great uncle so although sad they weren't close, I unfortunately had an absolute meltdown on being asked if I was going with him (after half an hour or more talk about him leaving) and had to practically run from the table as I was just sobbing. Not cool. This (impending) LDR is totally changing my personality.....nightmare! as always hats off to everyone making their ldr work, mine hasn't even started and I'm struggling so I salute you!