Who plans the trips?

[Sabbi696]

We are meeting in the summer..and we have both been kinda planning..he has been checking out hotels, flights and stuff..he even has a list of places he wants to take me lol.

[ashleecarol]

For us, whoever is doing the flying plans the trips. This time, I'm actually paying for his flights so I've had to plan for that, but he has to plan his visa etc and he's been really slack with it this time. It's made it difficult for me, made it feel like he doesn't care, but I know he's just going through a tough time. My SO has never been a very good planner though, he's a procrastinator and yes it does make it difficult, but I suppose you just have to take it.

If you didn't end up booking his flights, would he still visit, like if you just didn't do it for him one time?

I think if I didn't book the tickets once and the time passed with him realizing, "oh shit..."...I don't know, he might be more on top of it after that. We shall see. I am just so sick of reminding him, reminding him, talking about it, talking about it all the past years and I STILL am the one who ends up booking things because he forgets.

But yes, we share similar feelings on this. I use to pay for the trips a lot because he would never plan them. Some times he would give me half the money when we saw each other, but otherwise, it usually came out of my pocket. Now, I don't regret that. However, I am running low on money and will be for the next two years. He told me that he'd handle it...so far, no good. :\ Ugh.

I mean...if he WANTS/KNOWS his parents will pay for a $500-$600 ticket...ooookaaaay. I can't afford to think that way.

[ashleecarol]

I would guess that it might also have to do with the fact he doesn't have to worry about money, so he has less pressure to book sooner. You feel the urgency of wanting to get cheap prices, even if you're going 50/50, because your air fare comes out of your bank account that, as most of ours do, has a limit to how much you can spend; it's not bottomless. Your SO has a little bit more leniency than that because his parents are well-off enough to provide him with so much help. They'll essentially bail him out if planning slips his mind until the last minute, and because his parents are so willing to throw the money his way, it's going to be harder for him to grasp the concept of "the value of a dollar." My guess would be that while sure, he may not be a planning personality, it more than likely boils down to the fact he doesn't need to plan because he has the money to book the trip whenever he so pleases. In your position, I would probably let him know what I could realistically contribute, monetarily, to the ticket, and contribute that when he decides to book it, whether he decides to book it three months in advance or the day before. But I have found that people who have money typically tend to be more lazy and lax about spending it, and have a harder time understanding what it means to want to jump on the bargain train, simply because they've never needed to. My guess would be that that's what's going on here.

You couldn't be MORE right. I just find it inconsiderate because I don't know WHEN I am going and what I need to be planning for. If the trip isn't/can't happen because he waited so long (and his parents decided to stop being so generous), I would like to be aware. I could plan other trips with family or even work more hours. And yes, he knows ALL about this. We've talked about it many times before. Nothing clicks? I don't even know...

[BellaJedi]

Who usually plans the trips?
Well, we both do really. I mean this is the first trip we've planned and it was kind of impulse? I was just like "okay I'm gonna fly down there. In December? So yeah." but he's been really good about it on his end, making sure I'll have everything I need once I get there and stuff.
Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
Nope
About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
Even though it was impulse, I bought my tickets about 3 months in advance. I kind of have to plan way ahead because of school and whatnot. Also planning transportation is rough.
How far in advance do you plan your trips?
From the day I get the idea in my head, it seems.

[ForeverUs]

My SO usually does most of the planning. I haven't gone to Germany yet, but he's been to the USA several times. We're planning for me to visit him in Germany this summer. He's very good about planning, very organized. I help out as much as I can. I'm very thankful he puts so much work in. He had made visits to the USA to see his friend(the one who introduced us) before we started dating so he was already comfortable with the whole planning thing. I've been much more involved in planning my trip to see him in Germany. It can definitely be very stressful, but it's worth it to see each other.

As for your questions:

Who usually plans the trips?
He does, but I'm trying to be more involved.

Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
Not really, surprisingly. We've been stressed but never argued. My SO is very calm and it takes a lot to rattle him. I can be a bit neurotic but he calms me down before the stress ever reaches the point of arguing.

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
About 2-4 months

How far in advance do you plan your trips?
We start talking about them before he even leaves. lol. I'll be visiting him in Germany in July, and we've already started planning for it. He'll be in the USA again before that though. I'm fortunate my SO is able to visit as often as he does.

[Tooki]

Who usually plans the trips?
I do. I get my GF to help me out with the little things though, like finding a hotel if we want to go somewhere for the weekend.

Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
Yes. We are both VERY stubborn. I also overexaggerate situations involving it.

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
About 3-4 months in advance for tickets from Australia to Europe. For trips within Europe, it depends on how much money I have/current deals. But ideally, at least 3 months in advance for those too.


How far in advance do you plan your trips?
Quite early. We try to speak about certain places that we want to go to before we meet up. We already have 2-3 trips planned for my next visit.

[garnet]

Who usually plans the trips?

So far, I've planned the travel, he plans the in person things.

Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?

Yes/yes/yes.

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?

A week. >.<

How far in advance do you plan your trips?

So far, we've just jumped. Not a whole lot of planning. For our first visit, he was talking about next summer. And I'm like hey, my birthday is next week (sept 5), how about then? So I went, and it was great - so now we just go with whatever flow happens to be there.



Oh - and I really do think some people are just not cut out to do the planning. Neither of my exes could plan a trip to the gas station. :P

[blankita719]

Who usually plans the trips?
Mostly me, but like Moon, it's more of a hey, how about these dates and times? He has only come here 3 but I have to get on him about not waiting too late either. Part of it is finances and part is that he just doesn't plan like that.

Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
Yes. It's incredibly difficult to plan sometimes because he has a very demanding job and much less availability than I do. So I tend to get stuck with flying up there more and more. I don't always like being the one with that expense. But I won't ask him to help pay for it if it's my choice to come see him.

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
As soon as I possibly can afford them. I watch the prices like crazy and get really nervous about when to buy. Right now is one of those times.

How far in advance do you plan your trips?
As soon as one visit ends we start trying to plan the next time we will see each other. It's kind of the only way I can make it through some days - having a plan to look forward to.

[Shepard-Fowkes]

Who usually plans the trips?
We both do, roughly equally. He's unemployed at the moment so, while his schedule is a lot looser, we have to base our visits very much on when he gets his money. On the other hand, I have school and speech & debate, and my SO usually stays at my house, so I have to make sure my parents are on board with any date we choose. We're very good at coming up with ideas and smooshing them together to come up with something workable that we both like. He's usually the one who flies over and pays for the tickets, so he decides what specific dates and times he'll fly over and all that. And I'm the one who usually comes up with ideas of fun stuff to do and hand the list over to him for his approval :P.

Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
No, never. We always try to stay flexible and have an open mind. And, super importantly, we know that we're both on the same page: we both want to have visits, at a convenient time and without anybody going bankrupt.

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
I like him to have his tickets as soon as possible. He buys them as soon as he has enough money to, which is usually at least 6 weeks in advance.

How far in advance do you plan your trips?
We know our next upcoming trip, plus we have an idea of when our next one will be. For example, after our first visit we actively made plans for our visit in February, plus had the general idea that we'd have a visit in the summer. We start planning for visits right after one has ended, it keeps us occupied.

[ashleecarol]

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
As soon as I possibly can afford them. I watch the prices like crazy and get really nervous about when to buy. Right now is one of those times.

How far in advance do you plan your trips?
As soon as one visit ends we start trying to plan the next time we will see each other. It's kind of the only way I can make it through some days - having a plan to look forward to.

I completely agree with both of these.

Right now for me, nursing school is insane. I am doing well, but I am busy, busy, busy. It would be nice to have something planned at the end of the semester so that I have something to look forward to when I finish!

[rixue]

Who usually plans the trips?
We both plan our own trips. If I am going out to him I will book everything, same goes with my SO. We both talk about the time period of the trips though so we see if our schedules are compatible.

Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
Nope.

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
Usually about a month in advance for my SO, he comes out almost every month. I will book mine months in advance since the only time I visit is during my long school breaks.


How far in advance do you plan your trips?
Usually a couple months, since my SO has to put in time off for work when I visit him. When he visits it is always on his 5 day work break so we know when the trips will happen, just depends on finances.

[kittyo9]

I usually plan the trips... but not because he isn't interested. It just falls to me because I am a planner, and I enjoy planning things out in advance. I will ask my SO for input, but I am almost always the one who is figuring out the who, what, where, and when of everything.

We've been upset because of money (since it's a serious limiting factor), but never argued about it. It's also frustrating to figure out when either of us will be available, because we don't want to spend $700+ on plane tickets for just one week together in an entire year.

I bought my plane tickets about four months in advance, only because I had been thinking about it a lot and planning it out in my head, and I had been looking at plane tickets frequently when they suddenly got really cheap and I just had to do it. That being said, I obviously plan more than four months ahead... lol.

But we have to. We're international and we're both in college and we both don't have a lot of money. We get one visit in a year, and that's it, so it has to count.

[Benni]

I'm planning my first trip to see him. Which is fine with me -- uber organized and OCD! He is not very internet literate and I am the research queen of the family so all of it falls on me. I let him know what I've found out and we plan the rest together.

[Courtney:)]

Who usually plans the trips?
Mostly me. We are both in school so it's very easy to predict when we can see each other. A lot of the reason why I plan it all, though, is because all of his trips had been out to me. The only thing he has done is bought his tickets (after confirming times with me, of course) and checking with his mom so she could drive him to the airport, and pick him up once he got home. I planned everything for our last trip, where we would go and when, while he said we should just go with the flow so we don't ruin it. No, your trip won't be ruined if we have some sort of schedule :P

Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
No. But we did have a disagreement when it came to our mothers talking about our trip (he was staying at my house, I live with my parents). I wanted us to be within the same vicinity as them as they talked, while he thought it was rude to eavesdrop.

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
I start to remind him about it at least 3 months in advance. Tickets are very expensive to and from where we each live, especially with the airline that he uses. Our last visit, he waited until a month before to buy them. Prices weren't the best. He's visiting in December, and I'm already starting to nag him about tickets.


How far in advance do you plan your trips?
We started talking about our upcoming visit while he was still here for his last visit. I research ideas when I have the time, or if I come up with anything. Last month, I actually snail mailed a letter to him detailing what I hope for us to do. xD Last visit, a lot of things changed because I wasn't fully aware of my dance team schedule until a couple weeks before he was going to be here. But I've been talking a lot with my coach, and I already know for sure that we will not be practicing at all while he is here this time! Which I am very excited about.

[ashleecarol]

After talking yesterday, he immediately goes, "Oh god! I forgot! Please don't freak out!" I said calmly, "Rule #1: Never tell a stressed out girl to not freak out." I really was at my wits end, but we spoke about actual dates and times. Progress, people. Progress.