Who plans the trips?

[ashleecarol]

I know I definitely do. I am extremely organized (OCD) and I need to have things planned. I'm very orderly and when things aren't planned out, it causes stress for me. My SO and I actually had some serious problems because of trip planning.

I expressed to my SO back two years ago that it would be nice every once in a while if HE would do the planning. There were times that I was so busy with school, I really needed him to be watching ticket prices and booking them (not to mention, it is just a nice thing to know that your SO booked you a flight to go see them or them come see you). However, for each trip (here or there), I ended up booking them because he never brought it up, never mentioned it, never thought about it. It was getting so late into the time frame (we usually need to book them 3 months in advance) and pushing the dollar bill signs up too far that I finally had to cut it myself and buy them!

Now, I can imagine a lot of it has to do with the fact that his money comes from his parents. They don't care; they'll buy him a ticket the day before if he wanted. However, my money comes from my account and I can't wait like that! I'd be broke! He knows this and I've expressed this to him maaaany times. I feel like he is being quite inconsiderate for putting it off and that it isn't fair to agree with me to go 50/50 on a ticket, but then he waits until a month before one of us flies out to want to book a ticket!

I feel like he wasn't caring enough to want to book it at a good time that was courteous enough for me to be able to hold up my end of the ticket deal or that he even wanted to book it at all! He kept saying that he wanted to book it, he would handle it....and then nothing! We fought and fought. It was plain exhausting!! It got so bad at the beginning of this year that we almost broke it off because I felt like he didn't care enough. It seemed to me that planning the trips just weren't high on his priority list. Getting a ticket would just magically happen, right? Not to mention, he'd give me his word and then not follow through. When it got to that serious point, I thought he finally got it and he agreed that from now on, he would handle it or it would a "no-go" on the trips.

It is now the beginning of October and we always have had trips in mid-December since we were 15. We usually book them by mid-September. This is NOTHING new. The topic has not come up and nothing has happened. I am hurt. I'm trying not to get too upset, but am I wrong for feeling like nothing has changed? It makes me feel like he really doesn't want to have these trips...(even though when we fight, he always says he does).

SO!
Who usually plans the trips?
Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
How far in advance do you plan your trips?

Lastly, any advise for me?

[mllebamako]

When we were LD, I planned our visit. And now that we're CD, I do 99% of planning on any trips we do together. It really doesn't bother me because I like planning. I am kind of a planning control freak, I guess. I know that it's not really his thing- as in it doesn't interest him and he's not good at it. He gives me his input if I ask, but other than that, he doesn't do much.

As for your situation, I know it's hard not to take things like that personally and feel like he's not doing it because he doesn't care. I don't know your SO, but I assume that he just didn't do it because he doesn't have one of those planning-personalities. And it probably had nothing to do with how much he cares about you.

[ashleecarol]

As for your situation, I know it's hard not to take things like that personally and feel like he's not doing it because he doesn't care. I don't know your SO, but I assume that he just didn't do it because he doesn't have one of those planning-personalities. And it probably had nothing to do with how much he cares about you.

That's what I'm trying to believe :\ it's just really hard when this has continued to happen for a long time

[SoFarAway]

Well, my SO and I met only once since we started our LDR. But I know her for more than 8 years. Due to working on a cruise ship, my schedule is not as flexible as hers. So, I will be doing all the planning for our trips.

On the day we got together, we actually came up with a contract. A travel bucket list. We brainstormed all the most awesome places in the world that we would like to visit. The contract contains five of the destinations that cannot be replaced with any other of the bucket list. We have to achieve all destinations within 7 years. If we fail, we have to donate 5% of our gross annual income (before taxes) to a charity of our choice, which needs to be related to the destinations listed in the contract.

[lademoiselle]

I'm the primary trip-planner in our couple. My SO is one of those people who much prefers to make it up as he goes along, but I can't bear not having at least a rough plan to stick to! When we're arranging a visit I'm the one who will suggest dates (and a place for us to board if my SO will be coming over - we never stay at my parents' house). Admittedly we've never fought as such over organising a trip; because neither of us have money to burn, we're both anxious to get the actual booking out of the way while prices are at their lowest. We buy our tickets maybe six weeks in advance, or a couple of months... the moment we have a set date, basically

I'm sure your SO's seeming reluctance to meet you halfway on this issue isn't because he doesn't care about seeing you. I think some people are simply better suited to planning and suchlike than others! For example, while my SO doesn't like planning, I know that if he had no choice but to arrange one of our visits without my help he could muddle through somehow. My brother on the other hand would have no idea where to start - in fact, whenever he has an event of some sort to arrange, I do it for him and he takes the credit I'd have a chat with your SO about December and see what he says. If both of you want to see each other, I'm sure you'll find a way. Best wishes

[TwoThree]

I plan everything, my visits to see him and our trips abroad together. Well, I ask him if these dates or those hotels are convenient for him, of course, but he's very comfortable with letting me take the lead on these things because he's very lazy!

[Moon]

I guess that's me, but really our planning involves me saying "Hey, do these dates work for you?" he says yep and I book the flight. I submit my vacation form, and that's that. Any trips we take together, we usually both plan. I find that as time goes on and we get more trips under our belts, planning gets more casual and easy.

[BlueCat]

For us, whoever is doing the flying plans the trips. This time, I'm actually paying for his flights so I've had to plan for that, but he has to plan his visa etc and he's been really slack with it this time. It's made it difficult for me, made it feel like he doesn't care, but I know he's just going through a tough time. My SO has never been a very good planner though, he's a procrastinator and yes it does make it difficult, but I suppose you just have to take it.

If you didn't end up booking his flights, would he still visit, like if you just didn't do it for him one time?

[alittlemind]

Who usually plans the trips?
Even so early in our LDR, my boyfriend doesn't (and probably won't) plan trips. This is because when he's visiting me, he'll be visiting his parents here as well, so technically they decide when he'll come visit (although I have been asked about what I think, like having him come for prom). There really isn't any reason for him to plan his trips, although sometimes I feel like he could put more input in. On my end, I pick a date and then I consult his grandparents and my parents and we see if it works (So far I wanted to visit in October but it didn't work. We're looking at March now) We're just teenagers so it's our parents paying for the tickets.

Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
A little bit. But not in the way you have. When I was told I couldn't visit in October (for vague reasons) I had wanted him to "fight" for me to come. I guess I also felt like he didn't want me to visit. But Kaleb has people he'll fight with and people he won't, and his grandparents he doesn't argue with.

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
Kaleb's parents booked his ticket to visit in December, just last week or the week before. My dad, however, says that 21 days in advance is when the best prices are. I guess my parents are a lot like your boyfriends' parents, they'd book me a ticket only a few days in advance (if absolutely necessary, but I really wouldn't want my parents to do that.) while on Kaleb's side they have to watch their money a little more (with 4 kids, what else are you gonna do? :P)

How far in advance do you plan your trips?
When I was in Oklahoma in early August, I planned to visit in early October. But since that's now happening anymore, I'm busying myself with planning to visit in late March. It's really early but it's helped me get over that the other one fell through. Let's just hope and pray the March visit happens.

[lucybelle]

I do all the planning, booking, dates, etc for visits when we were LD and now trips together CD. Because he SUCKS at it No seriously, I remember when he moved to the USA to be with me I had to walk him through step-by-step to buying a plane ticket with his credit card online. It was like talking to a dinosaur. So I do the planning. I know all the resources to check for hostels, plane tickets, etc. I usually send him links of hostels and ask him which one he likes best, but that's about as involved as he gets

[Kiyama]

My SO is usally the one who does the planning when we go on holiday together. He looks for hotels, B&Bs, train times, flights etc. He always check with me though and I give a yes or no. What I do is checking out stuff we can do at the location.
It's strange because in my previous relationships it was always me doing the planning and it's a nice change to be able to sit back and relax. That doesn't mean I never plan anything but he's a little bit OCD when he comes to organising stuff

The nice thing is that we share likes and dislikes so I know that whatever he finds, I will most likely love as well. He's never made a bad choice for us. I love planning stuff with him or let him surprise me because I know he'll figure something out we both like.

However, he often plans stuff very late and it can get me nervous ocasionally. It has always worked out so far. I can't complain but if it was me, I would start planning way earlier

[Spriteling]

For us, it depends on who is going where. If I am visiting her, I will book the flights. If she is visiting me, she will book the flights. We do this because we try to visit each other four times a year (if possible) and so we each pay for two trips.

[Haley53]

I would guess that it might also have to do with the fact he doesn't have to worry about money, so he has less pressure to book sooner. You feel the urgency of wanting to get cheap prices, even if you're going 50/50, because your air fare comes out of your bank account that, as most of ours do, has a limit to how much you can spend; it's not bottomless. Your SO has a little bit more leniency than that because his parents are well-off enough to provide him with so much help. They'll essentially bail him out if planning slips his mind until the last minute, and because his parents are so willing to throw the money his way, it's going to be harder for him to grasp the concept of "the value of a dollar." My guess would be that while sure, he may not be a planning personality, it more than likely boils down to the fact he doesn't need to plan because he has the money to book the trip whenever he so pleases. In your position, I would probably let him know what I could realistically contribute, monetarily, to the ticket, and contribute that when he decides to book it, whether he decides to book it three months in advance or the day before. But I have found that people who have money typically tend to be more lazy and lax about spending it, and have a harder time understanding what it means to want to jump on the bargain train, simply because they've never needed to. My guess would be that that's what's going on here.

To answer your questions:

Who usually plans the trips?
We both do, but I'll admit, it's probably been me more than him. However, that could also be that up until this point, I've been the only one with money. This next trip is something he's entirely in charge of, other than a side-trip I'm wanting to plan for our anniversary.

Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
Not really. I have certainly gotten stressed/experienced anxiety over it, but I can't say we've ever argued.

About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
Depends. I usually book 3-4 months in advance. Depending on when he meets with his uncle (some time this week), to sort out the last of family debt, he'll be booking his ticket. So around 4-5 months in advance.

How far in advance do you plan your trips?
We started fantasising about them before we leave. But that's partially because I'm in school, so have a predictable timeline as to when we can plan visits. However, we start seriously planning the trip itself when it's realistic for us to buy/book the ticket, and we start seriously planning what we want to do or if we want to do anything extra after the ticket is booked.

[ChibiFelicia]

Who usually plans the trips?
We both do. The first trip he planned himself though. Other than that we plan them together, book them etc while we're both on skype.
Have you guys ever fought about trips/money/timing?
Nope.
About how far in advance do you purchase your tickets?
We tend to book our next trip a month after going home. So far out longest time apart has been 4 months, so i'd say normally 2-3 months ahead of time. His first trip though (our first meeting) he booked his flight about a week before he was meant to fly out to see me lol.
How far in advance do you plan your trips?
When we had a more predictable schedule we would start planning before the other left. Now im starting a new job so its when i can get vacation time really. We've discussed what we'll do which ever month i can make it lol

[Sora1101]

We usually plan the trips together, there's so much involved that it would be way to difficult for one person to do it all. I mean we have to both work out schedules, money issues, rides, and hotels. I'm the one that usually picks the time of year within his own guidlines, and look up hotels and prices while he books everything online and makes sure he gets time off work and then we end up spliting the bills the best ways we can.