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Here's my white flag. I give up, now please stop hurting me.

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    Here's my white flag. I give up, now please stop hurting me.

    Things were going really well. My boyfriend was starting to adjust better to his crazy hours at his internship. I was getting a few more hours at work. I had gotten the tickets to fly over and meet him for our very first time ever, and I was looking into hotel costs as well. Our being together in reality, after almost an entire year of dating was going to come true, and no matter how scared I was, I reassured me all was going to be ok, scoping out places in the park for us to visit and finding a nice restaurant we could go to.

    Not anymore. He lost his job. I won't get into the unfair reasons here, but it happened. Now he has to go home with hs parents again who still don't know about me and probably won't approve when they do. We went from having everything finally falling into place after all our hard work, to absolutely nothing. I won't be seeing him in August anymore. Now, because I used all my resources for this trip, I can't plan for another one. He says he's coming over here, but now he's starting over. Has to find a new job and save from scratch. I could even handle waiting a bit longer, but there's one thing I can't handle.

    Now that he's home, we can't talk every day. Sure. I can deal with not talking every day or every other day. What I can't deal with is not knowing WHEN we can talk again. Is it going to be tomorrow? Monday? A week from now?? I have no idea. When he's at home, things are difficult for both of us. There is no schedule we can make up. We just sort of have to hope that this day will be the day we can check in on each other. It hurts so much that I can't even properly form the words. I told him that by December I wanted some serious plans about our meeting again to be happening. But how can we plan anything if we don't even know how often we'll be able to talk. He's much more positive about this than I am, tells me that even if we don't know specifically when, we will still talk and work through this. I am not so sure. Yes I can call and text him, but now that he's at home, it's just like his internet access in that there's no gaurantee he can respond.

    Please don't ask me things like 'How old are you guys?' and things like that. Yes, we are both legal adults (20 and 21), but I live at home as well and despite my age, in my household the rule goes,'you live under my roof, you follow my rules'. Maybe for some of you it's different and you have more freedom in that area, but it's not so easy for all of us to just up and move out and make our own rules. Right now I have to deal with the situation as is and I honestly don't know how to make the pain of it all fade away and cope.

    #2
    Rosebud, I know exactly how you feel.

    For one, I'm unable to hold my own job and live on my own for numerous reasons, so I live with my mother, who is in her 60s and very old fashioned. I don't have a lot of freedom and I don't have support on being free. Two, my SO works in the Disney World park. He was working long hours back in the winter months but I at least talked to him every evening or morning. Since April I have gone days at a time without even a response to a text and longer for IM conversations, phone calls, and webcam. I haven't heard his voice since the beginning of June and I haven't been on Webcam with him since the beginning of May. Believe me when I say the longer I go without hearing from him in any form, the crazier and more upset I get. However, when I do hear from him, it cleans the slate of misery and I am happy for days after, just knowing he's surviving as I am. It is not an ideal situation, it will be hard and the uncertainty of the next ANYTHING can drive you up the walls. However, it makes every word that more precious to me and I find myself trying to be stronger for his sake because he, like you, cannot see the light at the end of this long tunnel. I don't know when I'll be able to see him even though we made plans for me to be with him for a week in the beginning of January for my birthday. Plans fall through, nothing is ever written in stone. Hell we had planned a week trip at the end of May and it didn't happen, but I know eventually something will.

    It's hard to plan anything when you're unsure of the when and how long of conversations and you may not want to "spoil" them by talking about that. Just take it one day at a time. Why not try making a vague mockup plan on your own and relaying it to him and see if he can work with it or what needs modifying? Or if you aren't sure ask him to try that. I was told once it has to get worse before it gets better, so try and believe him when he says you'll get through it. There probably will be tears, frustration, maybe anger, but you two are stronger than this obstacle, both together and separately. What I do is, every morning when I get up I text something to my SO whether it's just an "I love you", something positive, or something silly I think up. I do it to let him know that even if he can't reply or we can't talk or be together in any form right now, I'm still here and I'll always be here because I love him and that he isn't alone in this rough time. To me it makes me feel like I have just a tiny moment with him when I imagine him reading the text and smiling. Little things count big time when you're in these situations.

    I'm so sorry he lost his job, however he did, and I'm sorry too that you both have to go through this just when you were so close to seeing one another.

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      #3
      I understand how that feels, when plans fall apart.
      Did you lose any money on the trip being cancelled?
      Otherwise you could maybe send him the money he need to get to you.

      Not knowing when is extremely hard i agree. And i lived under household rules at my mom's place for the first 9-10 months after i met Katelyn and we got really limited in our contact. Which was one of the reasons i moved to my dad.
      I hope everything works out for you.

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