Does the "Honeymoon Phase" last longer for LDRs?

[sewbama]

I was told a couple days ago that the Honeymoon phase of a relationship lasts longer for LDRs and that might be why I love my boyfriend so much. This person persisted with their belief even knowing that my SO and I have been together for almost 2 years and we lived together for more than half of that (in the middle). He cautioned me to just understand that may be where my feelings are coming from and I should "watch out" for this guy's effect on me... All very condescending and uninformed if you ask me, but his opinion matters very little to me because he really doesn't know what he's talking about.

But it got me wondering. Does the honeymoon phase last longer? I don't think so. I think for LDRs, you have to deal with more real issues more quickly. We MUST talk about communication styles and long-term goals, money issues, etc. Perhaps we don't break the spell, so to speak, by seeing eachother fart or something, but, in an LDR, you are constantly confronted with a problem from the beginning, and the fight to overcome it is definitely not something that is normally a part of the "honeymoon phase."

That being said, I'm wondering what you all think.

[Black_Halloween]

Idk but for me, we get little spats of "hunnymoon" stage feelings here and there, its quite adorable x] Its like we just keep falling in love over and over again

[kittyo9]

I think that's kind of rude of that person. They really have no right to tell you about YOUR feelings in YOUR relationship, especially not after 2 years of dating. Clearly you're doing something right.

I can't say much about the honeymoon phase. My boyfriend and I kind of skipped it. We've been together for more than 2 years and we just love each other, always. I think, if anything, it's shorter in LDRs because of the reasons you suggested, and the increased reliance on verbal communication brings up and sorts out problems much more quickly than in a CD relationship.

[SoFarAway]

I don't think you can call it honeymoon phase. The reason why feelings are so intense and strong is simply because we miss our SOs so much.

[squeeker]

I think it's hard to say.. but I think LDRs are different from other relationships and you are forced to deal with certain issues quicker.. I think the above poster, SoFarAway, may be right and that our feelings are so intense because we miss our SOs so much.. if it was just a honeymoon phase, would we all really stick it out so long with our partners being so far away?? I'm not too sure, I haven't studied the honeymoon phase very much either so I'm not much of a help here unfortunately.

[JennMarcus612]

I'm not all sure it's just because we miss them. I think because we have to communicate and we are forced to share our days, feelings, opinions, outlooks we are able to see their true selves and not what they want everyone to see. Nothing against CDRs but I don't think they have the same in depth opportunity as we do. Or at least theirs is a much longer process. I think for the honeymoon high, I can't see it going away. I mean we get more feisty with each other every now and then but the honeymoon stage I think in my relationship is here to stay. We (he especially) has been through enough to destroy that feeling and it hasn't. We have even gotten a chance to share that happiness w/ his kids and see how a happy working family worked for a short while.

[Sora1101]

I said yes because you really don't get down to the "nitty gritty I'm around this person 24/7 and now they're starting to annoy me" stage until you really become CD. Before that during an LDR you really build a fantasy about what your SO is like in person in your head so you feel lovey dovey longer. IMO

[Haley53]

For my relationship? No. But my SO's mother died 6 months into it; that plus his grief sort of... ended any honeymoon we might have had going on. For other relationships? I'm not sure. To an extent, I agree with Sora, and had my SO and I not gone through what we did, it's possible he and I would still be in our lovey dovey phase simply because we wouldn't have had the chance to see one another's ugly sides beyond confiding to each other in text and over the phone. I do feel that his mother's death was a wake-up call, and I tend to try and approach relationships pretty practically to begin with! So while I can't generalise my experience to everyone, I do feel that there is a fantasy component to LDRs that can sometimes hinder the reality of it.

However, LDRs also much remind me of the bridge study. If you haven't heard of it, I believe it's where a group of men were either placed in a frightening situation or forced to cross a suspension bridge to get to a woman, and they were compared against a group of men who were not frightened before seeing the woman. The group of men who were forced to overcome adversity, and who were swirling with adrenaline as a result, found the woman more attractive than the group of men who did not face that. This is something that's been studied in multiple situations and there actually seems to be a link between strong negative emotion in a situation and increased feelings of love and attraction (I may share more about it when we cover that upcoming topic, as I'll have names of studies to present). I would guess that this same phenomenon exists in LDRs. People feel their bond is stronger because of the adversity they have to get through, when going to a CDR is as much of an adjustment as going LD is for some couples.

So yes, I do believe that LDRs can lead to increased feelings of emotion or a longer honeymoon based on the nature of the relationship, but I do not believe that this applies to all distance relationships.

[lademoiselle]

So yes, I do believe that LDRs can lead to increased feelings of emotion or a longer honeymoon based on the nature of the relationship, but I do not believe that this applies to all distance relationships.

I agree with this.

For my SO and I, it's hard to tell for sure since we've been going through honeymoon-type phases and comparatively practical, realistic times from quite early on.

[Katelyn313]

I agree with this.

For my SO and I, it's hard to tell for sure since we've been going through honeymoon-type phases and comparatively practical, realistic times from quite early on.

This is how I feel ^. Lademoiselle hit it right on the head for me.

Dylan and I started dating (visiting) every two weeks. And at first, we were planning dates for the weekends and going out to museums and ball games and special places in town. Now when we visit, it's more practical things. We stay in and just spend time with each other, we cook and clean and look at things to put in our home. It seems like visits now show me real life and when we're apart, I get a bit starry-eyed...

But, that said, I don't really know how to answer this. I think the honeymoon period for LDRs might be centered around visits and the fact that we do generally have so much time to talk about personal and deep things makes it seem like we're more comfortable with one another.

This is a really great and interesting question...

[D.4C]

here is what i think...and i have discussed this with my girlfriend...and she agrees...if your LDR is a good one...like you communicate very well...and talk about everything you can while you are long distance...which is what my girlfriend and i do...i think it builds a much better relationship...you get to totally know that person before you might even get to meet...we both know everything about each other...good and bad....and i think that has made us a better couple...and i think it keeps that honeymoon feeling alive longer...at least for me...

[nomnom_elf]

i put partially. for 2 reasons. When me and SO were in CDR in our flat, there would be period of times i felt like there was a wall between us and we didn't really communicate much. then suddenly 1 day we'd wake up from our stupor and be all lovey dovey with each other. 2nd reason is when i close the distance after finishing work somewhere in the UK, that first week home again with him is surreal.

[efish1042]

Three and a half years later and I still think we're in a honeymoon stage! That or we never had one? I think it's the former, though because we laugh and play and have gushy moments a lot still. Whether its the distance or just us, I couldn't say.

[Malaga]

The first six months definitely felt like a honeymoon. But when I compare them to how it is now, this is much better.