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    I've had a really bad year.

    Hello. Apologies if my post is overly long, but sometimes you've got to put in all the factual stuff to be able to follow everything.

    Past:

    I was in a crappy "relationship" with a woman in Edinburgh (Scotland) this year, who I hadn't seen since I was 19 in 2005. I met her in 2005 because we both were in a charity shop doing unpaid work. She asked me out for some reason and after that first day, I'd go back to her area, just to be insulted by her younger friends. My girlfriend (Laura) only ever seemed to talk about money and one night she called me, and said I could come up. She said her pals were grounded, but I suspected she was telling lies. So I went there and they were there, so I decided to just quit seeing her as it wasn't gonna change. We weren't in contact for years after that night.

    After 2006 ended and 2007 began, I had just lost a job and felt I should go see Laura again. However, she wasn't there and so I couldn't find her for several years. I also got a late diagnosis of having an autism spectrum disorder during 2007.

    I tried to find Laura online, but only come across an inactive Bebo handle. Her neighbor Maggie contacted me on Gumtree and gave some tips on how to maybe find her. But I kind of scared her away by acting strange. I noticed she had put her real e-mail address in the headers of her messages, so I went on a hunt on Bebo and Facebook, to discover she was friends with my ex's mother. Then I contacted Laura's mother, but she said they had moved to Spain. They really were just there on a holiday. This online abuse from her friends and family members continued on for years.

    I also had a senior support worker from my autism group pretend to be Laura's BF and take the piss out of me. He used an alias called Bruce Ritchie and sent me tons of abusive emails, putting in comments about songs by a band called The Smiths, which he knew I was a fan of. A support worker basically befriends you and takes you out on trips and that. When I asked him who this Bruce guy was in as little detail as possible, he denied he knew who he was. Then after about 2 years of sending me abusive emails, he was drinking and said something that gave himself away. Suddenly, he left the job and this bizarre turn of events was never met with a conclusion.

    Present:

    By the time I finally met up with Laura in March this year after I found her on Facebook, she claimed nobody informed her I was trying to get in touch. She also told me she had a boyfriend already named Matt, but it sounded like she was being mistreated by him. I then persuaded her to be with me. I went to her family's house at the weekend and not unlike the first year I knew her, her live in stepfather insulted me because he'd been drinking. It was reminiscent of when her friends bullied me in 2005.

    Approximately one week after we first were reunited, we went to play pool with members of my autism group, which we played in a hired suite. After I was eliminated from a snooker tournament I was finishing off, I bought her a membership and we went to play pool by ourselves in the main area near the bar, and after a while, she got in a really bad mood. After we went back up the road, she went nuts at me because she believed I had promised to buy her an iPod. She had a habit of touching my iPod all the time, so I said I'd get her one when I next could afford it.

    Because I'd broke my back to find her, I just bought her it to keep her amused. I didn't have enough cash, as I was shy of about £7, so I did a 3 month payment plan just so I could take it out of the Argos store. I knew I was going to get more money the next month, or so I thought, so I took it out of the store a done deal and used the money on other stuff. I then lost a lot of my benefit unexpectedly as it expired, so I had to request more DLA forms which meant I went around 5 months with no DLA. My regular fortnightly benefit had to go towards bills and food, so I struggled to pay up her iPod. Then she broke the dock on her iPod by putting in the USB charger forcefully, so I paid to repair it. However, she broke up with me in April, claiming she wanted to stay single and I knew she was still occasionally hanging out with Matt. She then apparently got a new BF called Steven, but she finished with him after a week and never spoke of him again. We then went in a restaurant, so I could have a meal with her and show I was the boyfriend for her. She kept fidgeting with her mobile the entire time we were there and putting her hair over the table in a bored looking position.

    I tried to tell her mother on Facebook about the way Laura was behaving, but all she did was talk about my personal hygiene. Says I needed a good bath cos I was smelly in her home and saying I was 'slandering' Laura on Facebook.

    As the months went on, Laura become acting more and more horrible. We had sex sometimes, but I had a difficult time getting aroused because of the constant high levels of stress and anxiety. Then she started to talk about STDs, so I told people about it and they thought she was still with her ex. I'd also tried to hug her sometimes or hold her hand, but she would screw up her face and say I needed to shave, or clench her fingers together so I couldn't hold her hand. The day we went to collect her iPod from the repair shop was probably the only great day we had.

    She would visit her ex, but say she was meeting her sister. We went along a canal called the Union Canal and eventually, we ended up in an area near a friend's house. Laura said she was bursting for the toilet. She asked me to wait at the shops rather than at her friend's door, then Laura never returned. I'd been at her friend's door before but couldn't quite remember where it was, as it's a bit of a concrete jungle.

    Well, her excuse was that she was tired and fell asleep. I don't believe that was what happened, but I cannot provide proof of her lies as she often lies via phone conversations. When she returned from England after her sister's hen night, she immediately went to see Matt instead of me, because I went to her house the day she was back in Edinburgh and her mother answered the door.

    Then in June, I finally had enough of Laura not showing any affection. I went on her Facebook and told everybody what she was like, but they refused to listen. It made Laura hate me even more, even though I only did it cos she was bad to me. It wasn't until in August that we met up again. She had threatened to get the police, then as soon as I told her my DLA was reinstated, she invited me up for tea. I then admitted to seeing an escort, but she never said much other than it was a waste of money. We started to hang out again, but eventually she told me that she didn't want to see me again. I didn't understand why she was acting like this, so I went up to her flat which is fairly far from where I stay. But I wasted my time and I was refused entry. Laura tossed one of my DVDs out of her window and said I made her life hell, etc. After a while, she said I'd done nothing wrong.

    I've tried calling her house since, but she's often been up to see Matt and her family can set their phone to silence so they don't even have to speak to me, not that they'll care. If I show up near her flat and press the buzzer, her stepfather runs down the stairs and threatens to break my glasses. The few times I have spoken to Laura, she says she's seen the light and doesn't need men in her life anymore. Laura basically said this is goodbye for good. Yet other times I'm told she's with Matt. Laura says we should never have met, plus she said I'm a tramp who sleeps with prostitutes and wears the same clothes, and then Laura tried to make out she's met another guy at her job center, but isn't ready for a relationship. I also got told that her family is moving away again soon and her sister is about to have her baby.

    What should I do? Should I chase her or call it quits?
    Last edited by Peter A; October 7, 2012, 12:54 PM.

    #2
    I'll be honest, I didn't read the whole post. I'm a bit amazed that you spent so much time and effort trying to find someone who treated you horribly in the first place, but it really does sound like you've had a crap year. I am sorry to hear about that

    My advice is to forget her and move on. You can just say that you put in effort and it didn't work out, and find someone that's more worthy of your time. But seriously, as far as pursuing women goes, you really need to back off. It sounds like you've come on very strong and spent a lot of time fixating on someone who won't feel the same way you do. Your whole relationship with her sounded awful, so seriously, for your own good and hers, stop contacting her and try to move on.


    Love will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

    Met: Cork, Ireland - December 31, 2009 • Started Dating: Cork, Ireland - May 22, 2010 • Became LD: July 15, 2010 • My Move From Canada to UK: October 26, 2011
    Closed the distance June 18, 2012!

    Comment


      #3
      I agree with Kteire. It sounds like this girl has done nothing but use you. Why would you want to be with someone like that? Hold your head up high and walk away, because chasing after her isn't going to do you any good. You need to move on and find someone who's more deserving than you.....Good luck and keep strong.....x




      Started Writing - February 2010
      First Visit - September 2010
      Second Visit - June 2011
      Third Visit & His Release Date - February 2012
      Our Wedding Day - April 2012
      Submitted I-130 Visa Application - July 2012
      NOA1 - July 2012
      NOA2 - December 2012
      Fourth Visit - December 2012
      Closing The Distance - Watch this space

      Comment


        #4
        I read throuh your post. My best advice would be to leave and find someone who's really worth all your effort and attention, you deserve better than that. It sounds like she's been using you for a a long time and she and her friends and family treat you in a disrespectful manner that is unacceptable.
        Stay strong and good luck!

        Comment


          #5
          You have stated that you were diagnosed with a form of autism, so I'll cut you some slack and not be so blunt with you.

          Let the bitch go. She is clearly using you for your money, because at the end you said that was disinterested until you said that you got your benefits reinstated (in her terms, more money). She and her family are very immature and incredibly abusive towards yourself. Her whole family is full of shit and you don't deserve to associate yourself with them. You seem like a nice bloke at heart, who is being taken advantage of by these animals.

          Do NOT EVER contact Laura again. Cut your losses and move on. kteire nailed it: you need to back off. Laura would have realised early on how clingy and easy you are to manipulate. Just please move on. Now.

          Comment


            #6
            Well, her mother had been asking me for money too. First it was ten pounds. I got it back later than I got quoted and and then she asked to borrow twenty pounds, so it was double. I'm the type of guy who finds it hard to say no and I thought that it would be seen as I'm hanging in with them.

            Around the time I was supposed to get it back, Laura chose not to see me again, so I never got it back. Her mother has never liked me for some reason and would talk to Laura behind my back if she seen me trying to comfort her by putting my arm round her. I think a lot of why Laura does this is because her friends used to do it to her and Laura has learning issues so she's picked up all their nasty ways. I've never really been horrible to her at all and I'd even advised her not to be with Matt for he'd use her, but it made no difference. Laura will be Laura at the end of the day.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Peter A View Post
              Well, her mother had been asking me for money too. First it was ten pounds. I got it back later than I got quoted and and then she asked to borrow twenty pounds, so it was double. I'm the type of guy who finds it hard to say no and I thought that it would be seen as I'm hanging in with them.

              Around the time I was supposed to get it back, Laura chose not to see me again, so I never got it back. Her mother has never liked me for some reason and would talk to Laura behind my back if she seen me trying to comfort her by putting my arm round her. I think a lot of why Laura does this is because her friends used to do it to her and Laura has learning issues so she's picked up all their nasty ways. I've never really been horrible to her at all and I'd even advised her not to be with Matt for he'd use her, but it made no difference. Laura will be Laura at the end of the day.
              I see. With her learning difficulties, do you (honestly) expect Laura to make significant improvements in how she acts towards yourself?

              And her parents are definitely using your charity to their advantage. I highly doubt that they will ever accept you completely. No amount of money or good charity will change that. Sometimes it's best to end things when you can.

              Good luck

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Tooki View Post
                You have stated that you were diagnosed with a form of autism, so I'll cut you some slack and not be so blunt with you.

                Let the bitch go. She is clearly using you for your money, because at the end you said that was disinterested until you said that you got your benefits reinstated (in her terms, more money). She and her family are very immature and incredibly abusive towards yourself. Her whole family is full of shit and you don't deserve to associate yourself with them. You seem like a nice bloke at heart, who is being taken advantage of by these animals.

                Do NOT EVER contact Laura again. Cut your losses and move on. kteire nailed it: you need to back off. Laura would have realised early on how clingy and easy you are to manipulate. Just please move on. Now.
                I agree to a 100% with Tooki! Find somebody who really wants you for just being you! I know that love makes people blind, but you have to open your eyes and look at that situation from third persons perspective. You can't force a woman to love you and convince her that you are the right guy.

                Read through your own post and tell me what's wrong with the whole story. This ain't easy, but we are here to listen to your story. But you have to find out what is good for you!

                Comment


                  #9
                  When I found her again, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was all grown up, because I had been trying so hard and it was all in vain. It's all in vain because she has remained the same way throughout our ordeal, never once accepting responsibility over the way she's been acting. I'm certainly not an angel myself, but I only protested because I knew she was lying and being a cheat. Laura has never had a job either (her references includes only two charity shops). Her family live in private housing. They too told her not to go to Matt, but I cannot imagine what she saw in him as a boyfriend, unless he was giving her money as well. He's got bipolar, I heard anyway. Maybe she just likes using people who have disabilities.

                  When we fell out in June, she asked me to get a top-up for her mobile. I sent her the code on Facebook, because she was using someone else's profile to chat to me. Then she got nasty again when I mentioned Matt and logged out. And I also bought her birthday presents before we fell out in June. I bought her stuff that cost me a lot, because I wanted to show my admiration for her. Rather than wait until her birthday, she wanted it giving all to her the day she saw the gifts. Other than that, we've had some good days where we watched films and the rest of the time was spent fighting. She refused to see my parents. I stay in supported housing, but she didn't like it when she was aware of my telling everyone about her.

                  I keep thinking I've been screwed and my mother told me that when she met me, she only asked me out to use me cos there was nobody else at that time. Since she's a user, I'm gonna be so easily replaced.
                  Last edited by Peter A; October 7, 2012, 08:32 AM.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Wow. First off, I feel for you dear. You seem to have a good heart but you shouldn't have to try and buy someone's affection. I agree 100% with what everyone else has said, you've got to let her go. She's not worth a min of your time and as someone once told me, "You can't let destructive people rent space in your head." There is someone out there that you're meant to be with that will appreciate you without only wanting material things.

                    Good luck to you and I know it's not easy but you've got to let it go, let her go. As someone else said, cut your losses and move on.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      i did read the entire post...and i agree...you have bent over backwards to try to be with her...more than i think i would have...but i think it's time for you to call it quits...she obviously has no idea what she wants...and i think she was only with you at times to get what she wanted or needed...doesn't show signs of really wanting to be with you for whatever reason...find someone that is deserving of all the things that you tried to do with her...and i think you will be so much happier....good luck!!!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Hon forget this chick. You CAN find better. She has no respect for you as a person. Why stick around ? It sounds like she just used you for money and an iPod

                        I suggest cutting all these people out of your life.

                        They dont treat you well and you deserve better.

                        You can find much better.

                        You said you have a form of autism yes?

                        Try the site www.wrongplanet.net
                        Its either .net or .com

                        But i found that site to be great for both those with and without autism they have a lot of people there for support on all kinds of things
                        " There is always hope.
                        "

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I read the entire post and it broke my heart. It does sound like a hard year. Laura sounds like an abuser and she also could be using this Matt character to tug at your heart strings. Matt in all reality might be a good guy. Laura seems like a manipulator and we have all had those in our lives. Recognize the type of person she is and watch out for the future. Laura really wasn't a bad lesson to learn. But USE it as a lesson or all this pain and angst was for nothing. Also!!! NEVER DIVE INTO THE PAST VIA FACEBOOK. There is nothing good there. Sure child hood friends blah blah blah but I'm not friends with them today for a reason and I don't need to know about their current job or love life. I deleted my facebook over two years ago and haven't been happier! I'm free and I can actually tollerate people now.

                          Be brave. I've done extensive research on autism in the past and I know since you are high functioning you will have a wonderful beautiful relationship with someone. You just have to wait for it.

                          lots of love
                          Jenn

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I'm glad that you understand the situation. Let this serve as experience in the future.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              She never calls me now or comes near me anyway, so her loss. It's probably for the best this has happened, so she cannot rip me off anymore. What a slag she is.

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