And it is really just that... A phobia.
So my current boyfriend of a little over a year went on a drinking session with his buddies Friday night, and while he normally doesn't call me because he ends up staying the night at his friend's place, and he knows I get very uncomfortable around him when he calls me drunk, he ended up calling me Friday night when he got home after a drinking session with his buddies. Let me put the foundation now by saying that he's not mean or rude or anything when he's drunk (or at least he hasn't displayed that to me anyways), but rather, overly affectionate. He does and says things he would never say sober, and while maybe it should make me feel a bit flattered with how he talks to me when he's drunk, I end up second-guessing him because it all sounds rather exaggerated and fake with the way he talks.
When he finally fell asleep on me over the phone, and I hung up, the entire night left me feeling extremely uncomfortable with him drunk and got me thinking about what the future could hold for the both of us.
Some backstory here, and it may be a bit nitty-gritty for some readers. (Please tell me if this needs to be in a mature area of the forum for the content about to be listed.) When I was younger, in my highschool years, I was sexually assaulted by a drunk person. Since then, I couldn't stand the smell of alcohol on someone's breath or the way they acted or behaved, regardless if they were mean drunks or not. Also since I was very little, my mother suffered from alcoholism that tore our family apart, even to the point where she got violent (more towards my dad than me or my brother). These two things, along with the loss of two very special people in my life from alcohol-related incidents has imprinted a very 'fearful' look towards drunk people, and I find myself extremely uncomfortable around them.
Fast forward to now, and it turns out my body can't metabolize alcohol anyways, so I end up just staying away from it entirely, or having a glass or wine or champagne once in a blue moon.
Now my boyfriend is not an extremely heavy drinker by any means, but he does it enough that it makes me uncomfortable. He'll go out with his friends, and it seems the only way the group of them can have fun is to get wrecked. It's easy enough to deal with right now... All I have to do is tell him not to call me, and that's that. But it leads me to think of the future and what it could hold for us. I plan on spending a three-month period with him come summer or next year, just to test the waters for being a long-term CD couple, and it makes me wonder how do I deal with him when he wants to go out and get drunk with his friends? I understand I don't have to join them, and that's probably what it will turn into, but how do I deal with the fear when he ends up coming home? I find it extremely unfair of me to say you have to stay at your friend's house and sleep it off there, just because I have a phobia of those who are drunk. But I get so uncomfortable around drunk people that I just don't know how to deal with it. It brings up bad feelings from the past that I've tried so hard to disassociate from, but find that I haven't quite succeeded yet.
I've talked to him and explained to him my fears, and while he said all I needed to do was tell him to stop getting drunk and he would, I told him I never wanted to be that girlfriend who made such constricting rules like that, and that I would rather put my own emotional well-being on the line to give him his fun and freedom. I know I need to find some compromise for this to work, but I need some advice here. What do I do to try and deal with this phobia of drunkenness?
So my current boyfriend of a little over a year went on a drinking session with his buddies Friday night, and while he normally doesn't call me because he ends up staying the night at his friend's place, and he knows I get very uncomfortable around him when he calls me drunk, he ended up calling me Friday night when he got home after a drinking session with his buddies. Let me put the foundation now by saying that he's not mean or rude or anything when he's drunk (or at least he hasn't displayed that to me anyways), but rather, overly affectionate. He does and says things he would never say sober, and while maybe it should make me feel a bit flattered with how he talks to me when he's drunk, I end up second-guessing him because it all sounds rather exaggerated and fake with the way he talks.
When he finally fell asleep on me over the phone, and I hung up, the entire night left me feeling extremely uncomfortable with him drunk and got me thinking about what the future could hold for the both of us.
Some backstory here, and it may be a bit nitty-gritty for some readers. (Please tell me if this needs to be in a mature area of the forum for the content about to be listed.) When I was younger, in my highschool years, I was sexually assaulted by a drunk person. Since then, I couldn't stand the smell of alcohol on someone's breath or the way they acted or behaved, regardless if they were mean drunks or not. Also since I was very little, my mother suffered from alcoholism that tore our family apart, even to the point where she got violent (more towards my dad than me or my brother). These two things, along with the loss of two very special people in my life from alcohol-related incidents has imprinted a very 'fearful' look towards drunk people, and I find myself extremely uncomfortable around them.
Fast forward to now, and it turns out my body can't metabolize alcohol anyways, so I end up just staying away from it entirely, or having a glass or wine or champagne once in a blue moon.
Now my boyfriend is not an extremely heavy drinker by any means, but he does it enough that it makes me uncomfortable. He'll go out with his friends, and it seems the only way the group of them can have fun is to get wrecked. It's easy enough to deal with right now... All I have to do is tell him not to call me, and that's that. But it leads me to think of the future and what it could hold for us. I plan on spending a three-month period with him come summer or next year, just to test the waters for being a long-term CD couple, and it makes me wonder how do I deal with him when he wants to go out and get drunk with his friends? I understand I don't have to join them, and that's probably what it will turn into, but how do I deal with the fear when he ends up coming home? I find it extremely unfair of me to say you have to stay at your friend's house and sleep it off there, just because I have a phobia of those who are drunk. But I get so uncomfortable around drunk people that I just don't know how to deal with it. It brings up bad feelings from the past that I've tried so hard to disassociate from, but find that I haven't quite succeeded yet.
I've talked to him and explained to him my fears, and while he said all I needed to do was tell him to stop getting drunk and he would, I told him I never wanted to be that girlfriend who made such constricting rules like that, and that I would rather put my own emotional well-being on the line to give him his fun and freedom. I know I need to find some compromise for this to work, but I need some advice here. What do I do to try and deal with this phobia of drunkenness?
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