Don't want this to be over...

[ginaxnj]

I have a feeling that very soon it will be. Tonight me and my SO had a very serious conversation about our relationship. He brought it up which kind of surprised me. He pretty much started it off by saying how he misses physical love. He said that he wants me to move to California, which he has never really fully come out and said like that. I told him that I didn't know if I could do that. I also told him that if I did move out there I don't want to end up breaking up in a few months. I don't want moving all the way on the other side of the country to end up being for nothing. I told him that if he doesn't want to do this anymore that he should just let me go. Then he asks me what I want and of course I don't want to let him go which I said to him. We've been going out for almost a year and a half and we've known each-other for 4 years. Then he said that he didn't want us wasting the prime years of our lives just waiting. I told him that maybe he needs to find someone that doesn't live a million miles away and he said that I need to do the same. I don't want to lose the best thing to ever happen to me. Then I told him that maybe we need to take a break. He said what kinda break. I said, well we can stop talking to each-other for awhile so we can figure out what to do. He said maybe to that. I don't know what to do! I'm not ready to lose him. My head keeps telling me right now to just let him go if he wants it to end, but my heart is telling me a much different story. I know he doesn't want to end this. He just wants to be with me but doesn't want to wait any longer.

[LadyMarchHare]

Sounds to me like the "well maybe you should drop me" thing was said out of hurt, which I understand. It's a common thought. You wonder if when the distance ends you'll still want to be together or if you can really pack up and leave everything you've known for one person and know you'll be happy with the decision. It's an expensive thing so it isn't like you can just go back a month later. If that's the only issue you guys are having, the distance, maybe talking about it more would help. Tell him your uncertainties about moving, if you need time to think on it or if you know you couldn't do that. Ask him if, should you decide you could in no way leave where you live, if he would willingly come to you. Have you guys ever talked about a when for ending the distance like "we'll be together after I finish school" or something similar? If it's been up in the air this long I can see why the subject got touchy. But tell him you don't want to lose him, that you want to make this work but you don't want to rush into things and end up with a disaster on your hands.

A break is not a bad idea since you both could take 'me' time out of it to figure out where you want the relationship to go, what your priorities in life are, and just what you're willing to do. Maybe set it for a week or two, then come back and 'compare notes'.

[ginaxnj]

What made me scared is the fact that he brought it up. Hes not like that to just bring stuff up like that. I've always been the one who brings up the serious stuff. That made me think that he doesn't want this anymore, even though I know he does. I know he doesn't want to give up, but I think the distance is finally taking its toll on him. I'm talking to him right now and hes acting like last never even happened when I can't get it out of my head. I don't understand him!!

[USA2Canada]

Only go if you really see a future with him, and that you can make a life in California that includes school, work etc you also have to think in terms of what if you do break up out there, do you have a support system or feel comfortable on your own, would you move back, do you have income etc....I wouldnt move for anyone unless it was for myself foremost meaning does California fit me, and then if we BOTH really saw this as a future were building. If its not for a future your building then ask yourself what will the moving accomplish together, Is it to test the waters as a couple, is that enough for you to move? It might be for you.

For me personally, I want to know that we both have a future plan together that we have truly discussed and feel ready to commit to. I wont live with a guy until the commitment is there with marriage. Lucky my guy gave me a proposal. But A lot of people play house or act a little bit married and Ive seen so many live with there guy for years and never get the proposal or eventual a break up. Id never move for a man without a proposal thats my take girls!

I think your guy is still in debate on what he wants, he cares for you but he doesnt want to handle the long distance, Id take some space to think it over and see if there are better ways to manage the LDR so that you two feel closer even being so far. Your decision to move is big and should not be taken lightly, esp for someone who may leave you as you were saying. Personally I think you two have a lot of talking to do and you have some talking to do to yourself on your own personal goals for the future but also to see what page he is on for the future !

You have to discuss who handles the bills, how does he see life together, what about trips to your family?? etc.. lot of things to think through, and you may find your not ready for. Honestly when he said this " Then he said that he didn't want us wasting the prime years of our lives just waiting" that was a RED FLAG that he doesnt got his all into this. You have to see if both your pages are balanced in union, or too different. In other words if your goals for the future are too different, consider this a waste of your time..and a true blessing to walk out!

[ginaxnj]

well its official.. I am no long in a long distance relationship anymore. I can't stop crying. I don't want this to be over. He told me that we would be better off as friends since being so far is too hard. I told that we could be friends but its going to be hard to not have feelings for you.

[NaNi]

I'm so sorry to read that. Maybe there's another chance?

[USA2Canada]

Be happy he could of done that to you in California, You now are one step closer to finding real true love, and not with someone who cannot wait and put his all into you! Heal with happy thoughts

[ginaxnj]

He was my real true love. We were together almost a year and a half and just the not knowing when we would ever meet was I think one of the reasons why he said lets just be friends. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't remember what it felt like to just be friends with him.

[USA2Canada]

Im sorry I know it hurts been there! If hes your true love then he will be with you cause he feels the same, I guess you can try taking a trip and talking this out? Maybe give him space to come around. I wouldnt want to be friends right now itll hurt you more. No contact would be best, itll hurt when he has a new partner so Id say no contact no friendship. You can always try though to go see him if you really feel strongly that it could work. You may not like what you find though, sometimes this happens when they find someone there attracted to or like in there own country. Not saying that is what he did, and his reason could of been just that reason but a year is a long time to just have a quick change of heart. But I hate to advise you to go chase someone.. blessings to you feel better!

[LadyMarchHare]

I always find the "let's return to just friends" thing to be a bit of a crock, honestly. You both remember what it was like wanting each other and it's not going to be easy especially if one of you still holds feelings for the other. Though I suppose it's better than deleting them from your life entirely.

I'm so sorry this happened. Some people aren't made of the stuff it takes to endure such a hardship.

[Caity]

I'm so sorry for you. I've been in your shoes before. 2 years ago me and my SO broke up because it just seemed there was no hope of us ever meeting, let alone ending the distance, so I know exactly how you're feeling now. Fortunately after having no luck where we lived finding anyone we liked, and realising we still loved each other, we got back together and had new hope. Sometimes there's times where things look really bleak and as if they're not going to get better, maybe that was how your SO was feeling. He might turn around and ask you back again. After all, there is the saying, "You don't know what you have until you've lost it." I hope things work out for the best for you and that you start to feel better soon.

[ginaxnj]

Im even more determined to not let him go. I can't do it. I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna fight until I can't fight anymore. Hes the best thing to ever happen to me and I don't want to lose that. I just feel like all of this came too quickly. I mean there were no signs or anything. It just came all of a sudden, which is why I can't let him go. I know he still loves and wants to be with me but its the whats going to happen in the future part thats making him let go. I mean I've broken up with guys before and I have never ever felt like this.

[Tanja]

Im even more determined to not let him go. I can't do it. I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna fight until I can't fight anymore. Hes the best thing to ever happen to me and I don't want to lose that. I just feel like all of this came too quickly. I mean there were no signs or anything. It just came all of a sudden, which is why I can't let him go. I know he still loves and wants to be with me but its the whats going to happen in the future part thats making him let go. I mean I've broken up with guys before and I have never ever felt like this.

Many people in here can testify that the distance is a lot to handle, it can be the single hardest thing to do in your life BUT if you really love each other you'll fight and you'll do whatever it takes to end the distance it can also the best thing that's ever happened to you. If that's how you really feel then I think you should hang on to him and convince him there is hope for you guys.

Tell him about this place and that he is not alone, there's thousands of couples struggling from time to time but he might just need some space to clear his head. While he does let him know you'll be there for him and you love him and you will find a way to be together even if it might seem impossible right now.

Maybe try to make some concrete plans to visit, try to come up with a time line etc, that always makes me feel loads better when the distance is getting to me. I hope he'll come around and everything will be ok *hugs*

[ginaxnj]

Last night was the worst. I spent the entire night just crying. It was like I had no on/off switch. It just wouldn't stop. He was texting me all of these things that really set it off. He said that he was lucky to have known me. That pretty much started my horrible night off with tears. Then a few texts later he said that nothing is final. He just keeps going on and on with the moving to California part and I keep telling him, lets just meet first before we even worry about moving, since we've never even met yet. Then several texts later he said that nothing is final. Which kind of gave me a slight chance of hope. Then several more texts later he said he said to me that nothing I say will help. I told him that that's not true, but I'll probably never hear it anymore. Of course he gets it right away when I mean and says I love you. I didn't think he would get it so quickly but I guess he knows me too well. Then I said back to him I love you too and he responds with I don't doubt that. In my mind it feels like its over but my heart just wont give up.
I've wanted to give up so many times on him because of this distance but I was willing to hold on because I was not fully willing to give it up before I met him. I'm going to keep trying to work this out. He means too much to me not to.

[ginaxnj]

HIM: we can play a game if you want
ME: whats the point
HIM: say no then
ME: fine
ME: no
ME: do you like making me upset because you do it so well
HIM: ill just leave you alone then
ME: don't go
ME: i don't want things to be like this
ME: even if i lost to you and i got mad, playing games with you was so much fun
HIM:idk what you want me to do
ME: make me not sad anymore
HIM: how do i do that?
ME: you know how
HIM: you know that i love you
ME: i know
ME: i want things back to the way they were.. i just want to be happy again
HIM: how?
ME: don't even ask how when you already know how!
HIM: tell me
ME: i shouldn't even have to!
ME: it seems like you don't want this anymore
ME: you don't want me anymore
HIM: i never said that
ME: well if you wanted me you would be with me
HIM: how?
ME: stop saying how
ME: JUST BE WITH ME!
HIM: ok
HIM: i will
ME: wither you like it or not im gonna fight for this to work
HIM: i said ill be with you
ME: you really mean that?
HIM: yes
ME: why you say that?
HIM: cuz i dont want anyone else
ME: i don't either


I guess I can be a little persistent. Its looks like we are back on!