Every argument is the same.

[AvaLouise]

So, to get straight to the point, my SO is an extremely jealous guy. He hasn't the best of luck with his past relationships; the last three serious girlfriends he had all cheated on him. So, I don't expect him to just get over that right away, but it's gotten a bit old.

Our first argument was simple. I started at a brand new school where I didn't know anyone and one boy reached out to me and said to text him because he knows how it feels to be the new kid. I told my SO about how kind it was of him and I texted him a bit. It was simple, just asking how I liked the school and if I'd be going to the volleyball game, and my SO just wasn't happy about it and told me I was talking to him too much. I was a little peeved but I let it pass.

There were a few similar incidents, one of them being about a boy I had kissed before I was dating my SO. I was telling a story and it came up in passing and he blew up. He was asking how I could ever kiss someone I wasn't dating and how does he know I'm not gunna do it again? Like excuse me, I was single???

I've been accused of liking a boy I dated two years because my friend told me that he asked her out and I told her it'd be weird if they dated (he was on Skype when she called to tell me).

But the most recent one, last night, really is what got to me. We were all in one big Skype call, me, him, and two of his friends Joe and Tanner. No one was really talking much, they were playing games and I was doing homework, and tanner happened to say something about Harry Potter. I get excited when anyone likes Harry Potter, especially as my SO hasn't even watched the movies and its just the only thing I'm really passionate about. We talked about it for a few minutes, and then I said I had to go because it was late. My SO didn't say goodnight or anything, he didn't talk at all.

About half an hour later I texted him asking if he wasn't going to say goodbye, because secretly my feelings were a little hurt. His response is that "you seemed more interested in talking to Tanner so I was a little pissed off." I was like what? I talk to you every waking moment of my life and you're really going to get mad that I talked to someone else for five minutes.

He says he has every right to be upset and I told him he was being a baby and now I can't even bring myself to talk to him because I'm so annoyed.

I've told him numerous times that his jealousy is hurting me and that it's not fair but he just can't seem to tone it down.

[Black_Halloween]

wow ._. what a jerk

[AvaLouise]

He apologizes every time and just says that he can't help it because of his past relationships.

[Haley53]

My main question: does he see a problem with his behaviour? Is he interested in overcoming his jealousy? Because this is only going to get worse, and unless he exhibits an interest in getting better, from my experience, this is either something you're going to have to choose to live with or walk away from it until he decides he can work on it. Being frank, this almost sounds abusive, and in my opinion, it will get even more abusive until he isolates you completely. As much as you might say it won't happen, I watched my father gradually isolate my mother for years. This level of jealousy takes work to get over and unfortunately, only he can decide whether or not it's worth it enough for him to change, whether or not he wants to put in that work/effort. But I can't see this getting better and in my opinion, you don't deserve it. No one does.

ETA: Apologising means nothing if he doesn't work to fix it. If he knows it's wrong and due to his baggage, he needs to seek help from someone. Otherwise, he's going to end up isolating you and feed you his apologies after every time he snaps. Honestly, I have seen this pattern in my father and others and it doesn't get better unless they actually work to change it.

[AvaLouise]

Eclaire, I asked him if he was at all interested in getting over and moving past his jealousy issues and this was his response:

Yes I am, it's something I really want to get over, it's annoying for me as well, and I hate thinking about things that make me jealous. It's really miserable to go through, I hate it! And it's worse when I bring it on you, I'm really sorry I do it.

So I think he's working on it...

Edit: he just now said this.

I know it's annoying and I know it will only tear us apart, I'm gonna start right now, ok? I'm gonna make a contract with myself basically saying to let the jealousy go. I am gonna just ignore it next time it happens, and I will start to learn that really it's a mental thing that isn't worth it.

[Haley53]

Well hopefully he can work with it. Is he open to seeking the help from a professional if he finds it necessary? Sometimes extreme jealousy like this can benefit from someone, at least in the beginning, who's able to tell him what is and isn't rational and who's able to provide him with coping mechanisms necessary for dealing with the emotions when they crop up. I'm glad he's open to working on it.

[Tinansubuga]

Hey, Im new here but I have been with my Fiance for 9 years so I have been through every sort of thing that could possibly ruin a relationship. Anyway the jealous thing, he is not a jerk, especially if he has been cheated on before. When you are cheated on, you self esteem suffers a great deal, once is bad enough bad 3 different relationships? I cant imagine how he feels. Anyway, you need to seat him down and tell him, calmly that you are not his other girlfriends and you love him and would never do such a thing to him. You probably have but people like him need reassurance, over and over. After that just ignore it, ignore his remarks and his sulking, do not let it get to you at all, when he starts the fight, do not contribute to it, Just say, 'I love you babe and you I wouldn't think of hurting you that way' ,If you are too annoyed( You shouldn't be) just say nothing and change the subject or say 'Im sorry I hurt your feelings' either way do not let the fight get any deeper than it should. Remind him of how much Trust is important in a relationship, I mean without trust, there really isnt a relationship. You just need to give him time and hope he gets over it

[Sora1101]

Honestly you can't change him and your SO sounds like he needs to work out his own issues, he shouldn't be in a relationship if he isn't even willing to try to forget what past girlfriends have done to him. You aren't them and he needs to realize that. My advice would be to tell him exactly how you feel and give him one chance to correct his behavior. If he doesn't I think you're better off with someone who's willing to trust you.