I need advice!!

[AmericanAngelCake]

My SO, who lives in the UK, broke up with me after 8 months of being together. It was out of nowhere and completely unexpected. We were just as close and loving for each other the day before as we had ever been. We tried working things out, but then they got worse. The thing is though, is it did not sound like him at all. He was so cruel. It seemed like he was trying to push me away. He has always been super protective of me. And when he was being more kind about it, it seemed like he didn't want to say what he was saying. Like he was torn. I know him better than I know myself, and vice versa. Before our fight, he made me promise that no matter what happened, I'd always remember he loved me. And I'm holding that promise close. I keep having the same dream over and over again, and then my friend had almost the same dream. Now we're planning on going to the UK ASAP. I know my Cj, and I know this just doesn't feel right. Any tips or advice?

[snow_girl]

I think that he must have been feeling like things were off for him for a while and while sorting his feelings he was going about the relationship as normal. People change and I remember when I broke up with my ex it was just easier to be a bitch then to be nice about it. I think going to the uk would be a waste of your time.

[AmericanAngelCake]

That's what I thought at first. That things had changed and he just didn't wan me anymore. But then he kept going and looking at my Facebook and reading my statuses. He read one of them and immediately messaged me to tell me he didn't stop loving. And then we got into a fight and I told him that if he didn't care about me or want me then to just leave me alone. He then told me he did care, a whole lot more than he was saying. He's a very difficult person to understand, but I know him.

[Black_Halloween]

Tell him that he needs to give you space to breathe. Him checking up on you and stuff isnt going to help.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

If you've ever broken up with someone, in a situation where no one really did anything wrong, but it wasn't right anymore, you will know that just because you broke up with them doesn't mean you've just suddenly stopped caring about them. However, that doesn't mean that you necessarily want to get back together. Clearly your ex still cares, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants the relationship to work.

Him TELLING you that he still cares is him trying to be the good guy. If he really cared about how you took this, he'd leave you alone to sort things through. He's telling you because he doesn't want you to feel hurt and rejected, but to be honest, the more he talks to you and tries to involve himself with you, the worse this'll be for you.

In terms of going to England, I don't get the impression that this is actually a good idea. I think you're really upset and jumping on the hope that if he sees you, he'll change his mind. I think there's a couple of questions you should ask yourself before you jump on a plane. 1.) Do you have the time and the money to do this without negatively impacting on your everyday life long-term? 2.) Do you have somewhere to stay? 3.) Can you make this trip about more than just seeing him, because he may not want to see you, or he may just tell you exactly the same thing in person.

I actually think that you going is a bit selfish. I know you're upset and that you desperately want to make this relationship work, but if he's made up his mind, it's not fair of you to make such a big gesture in order to make him change his mind. If you guys were long distance, but in the same country, I'd see it as less of a gesture, but seeing as you're UK-US.... it's a massive move to fly internationally in the hope that he'll change his mind.

And the truth is, you'll get back, and you'll always be wondering if he's going to break up with you when you're away. It's going to be difficult for you to trust that he's not going to do the same thing again. On top of that, you're going to wonder whether it was YOU or the gesture that won him back. Because if it was really you, rather than the gesture, then the gesture wouldn't be making or breaking your relationship.

I'm sorry. Good luck in making your decision.

[Haley53]

Is this your first break-up? I don't ask this to be snarky, but I say this because this is pretty common to happen amongst break-ups. It happened in my first, and it has happened amongst friends of mine, too.

I would ask for some time and space before I would consider going to the UK. Romantic gestures do not always turn out like they do in Hollywood and as much as you're hurting and want to read the signs right now, him looking at your statuses/still wanting to be on your FB and part of your life is more out of comfort than anything, as him saying he still loves you is probably more out of his own pain, confusion, and loneliness as well. As much as people don't think so, break-ups can be a hard and trying time for the person breaking up with you too. It's not easy to be broken up with and it's not easy to break-up with someone. You can have as many doubts during the latter as during the former. I would say take some time. Don't throw thousands away on something without having given it ample thought, space, and distance first. Take him off your FB, tell him you want to be friends but right now you need a break from contact, and take some time to work through your emotions before you go running off to the UK.

[AmericanAngelCake]

Oh, I wouldn't be going to the UK anytime soon. And to be honest, I don't even think I'm going to go anymore. I was thinking about it and decided that if we were meant to be, then we'll be brought together again one way or the other. He is my first love, and yes this was our first break up. We had never had any problems with our relationship, and like I said, this was out of nowhere. We are no longer friends on Facebook and we've stopped contacting each other. Some days I miss him more than others. It's very hard and confusing. All I can really do now is just pray I guess. Thank you all for your advice. And as for me ping to the UK, yes I'd have a place to stay and no it wouldn't have a negative impact on my everyday life. And I realize how big the chance of me flying there wouldn't change anything is.