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    My SO is not optimistic about seeing me !

    Im overthinking type of person I do think of everything a lot even the smallest things, which I really hate that I overthink anything.

    My SO and I have been together for 2 years and we still haven't seen each other yet, we do love each other,too. Hes from the US and he currently works in another country which is near to my country. On December last year He had a chance to come visit me, and then he told me about it after that he wasnt happy of my respond because I wasnt sure if i can see him when he comes (some of personal circumstances), after few days or weeks we talked about why did I respond that way and I explained it to him but in anyway he lost that chance to come visit me becuz in my country he needs a visa to go in, all that happen between Dec and Jan.

    He sometimes talk about our relationship about what we will do if we meet and also about sexual plans we even talked about marriage, he was very optimistic about seeing me and meeting my family, I do want to see him but I wasnt sure how. After months of that subject I kept thinking of what I want to do and what I want to be, so I became sure about seeing him and What I want to be with him, my feelings has developed and now I love him more than before, I even typed a letter about how I feel and what I want to be with him I was planning to send it but still didnt.

    Couple months ago I wanted to open that subject about our relationship and what I wanna be with him but he didnt really talked about it that much, I wanted to talk about it for some hours becuz I kept delaying that subject for so long, he didnt wanna talk a lot about it becuz he has some work problems and it really stresses him out I understand his situation but This subject is really important to me. Few hours ago we were on skype and I told him im thinking to go to the US to study there he said: "that would be nice I will have the chance to see u in there and I dont think I can see you in your country it is almost impossible", I asked why impossible? He said: "there might not be chances if I can see u there even if I come(also the visas thing) he also said lets be realistic its all dreaming", after that conversation he got a message then he had to go to sleep, after we hung up I was thinking why did he change like that he was very optimistic about visiting me before, what if I cant go to the US then how we will meet , even if we see each other in the US he should meet my family too and they are in my country. After all this I got really disappointed, I almost cried I couldnt stop thinking about it, I was thinking is it becuz of his work problems that made him react like this, recently hes changed becuz of it he became angry person and geting upset and his behavior changed.

    So what do you think guys? Any advice?

    Im sorry if it is too long I just wanted it to be all clear

    Thanks
    Last edited by GFI_1155; November 2, 2012, 01:51 AM.

    #2
    I'm not clear on why he might not be able to see you if he visited your country, but... perhaps he was just having a bad day. The whole visa thing can be somewhat overwhelming. I would bring it up again when things seem to be going better for him, maybe in a week or two. Explain to him that it's important to you for him to visit your country, meet your family, see where you come from, etc. He may also still be hurt because of your initial response when he wanted to go visit you and could be holding a grudge. It can be hard to get excited about something when you've been rejected before. I know you stated that the reasons you might have not been able to see him were personal, so I won't ask, but I do wonder what was so important that you would not have been able to make time for him had he come to see you.

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      #3
      Originally posted by stephanieaz View Post
      I'm not clear on why he might not be able to see you if he visited your country, but... perhaps he was just having a bad day. The whole visa thing can be somewhat overwhelming. I would bring it up again when things seem to be going better for him, maybe in a week or two. Explain to him that it's important to you for him to visit your country, meet your family, see where you come from, etc. He may also still be hurt because of your initial response when he wanted to go visit you and could be holding a grudge. It can be hard to get excited about something when you've been rejected before. I know you stated that the reasons you might have not been able to see him were personal, so I won't ask, but I do wonder what was so important that you would not have been able to make time for him had he come to see you.
      He never visited my country, he works in another country that near to my country, and now I have the time to see him and im very sure about it and everything I want to do with him, but he cant come to visit me now becuz of his work issues also the visa thing, I typed a letter of what I want and about relationship, do u think I should send it or discuss it with him through texting or voice?

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        #4
        I would send it to him AND discuss it real-time (phone, text, Skype, whatever your preferred communication method is) once he's read what you wrote and had time to think about it.

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          #5
          Originally posted by stephanieaz View Post
          I would send it to him AND discuss it real-time (phone, text, Skype, whatever your preferred communication method is) once he's read what you wrote and had time to think about it.
          Thanks stephanieaz i sent it to him, its all becuz of his work problems which make him not optimistic, so we just have to see what the future bring to us

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            #6
            Good luck! I hope it goes well. If you want, you can post here after you've talked about it or PM me.

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              #7
              I think his reaction is due to work as well at time. the longer it takes the less optomistic a person can become. THAT DOENST MEAN HE DOESNT WANT TO SEE YOU THOUGH

              Why my SO and I went to close the distance, he didnt act excited at all. It was from the stress of his situation he was in and he just wanted to get out of that situation. So stress can play a HUGE part in this.

              all in all Im sure he wants to see you. I would just let it go, wait until he is having a good day to bring it up again.
              " There is always hope.
              "

              Comment


                #8
                Just want to echo what you guys have said already. I know it's SO easy to over think and second-guess our SO's every mood, and everything they say- but they're guys (usually), and they're different. I know my love does not take disappointment particularly well, and when we suffered several failed plans and disappointments, it was very hard for him to get excited about seeing me, because he honestly didn't believe it would happen. Even when we had plane tickets, and it was days away, he was still down. Which of course made me terribly unhappy, because it's rather hard for me to be happy when he's not.

                Anyway, my point is, the day before I flew out, he finally realized it was happening, and he COULD get his hopes up, and our visit was fantastic. Don't assume that a gloomy, glass-half-empty man means that he doesn't want to see you. That's my advice.

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