First Meeting; How long should I stay?

[dizzyupthemeg]

We only did 5 days for our first visit. It wasnt enough, but I was extremely nervous about how we would connect in person. We had 5 great days, and can now plan a longer trip without worry. I couldn't imagine jumping into three months. I agree with everyone else on the one month thing.

[squeeker]

We did 2 weeks for our first visit, it went by way too fast... but I think leaning towards the 2 week - 1 month mark is a better option for a first visit, because you never know how you will get along in person, or how well you'll accommodate to the other country or if you'll miss your family too much. I think it would be easier to get off work, as well as easier on friends and family to see you go meet him for the first time if it's only 2 weeks or even a month compared to 3 months. After your first visit, I agree it can be way more economical to go for longer, if you have the money to support yourself while your there and can have assurance of getting your job back when you get back. But I agree with the others that for a first visit, it's probably best to stick with the 1 month or shorter time frame.

[faith_patience_believe]

we did 10 days for our first visit. it was a good amount of time. I wouldn't go any less than that but no more than 2 weeks just in case you guys don't hit it off as well in person. We have our second visit planned and it will be a whole month. It will help us to get to know each other better in person now.

[Sora1101]

jeez I'm so jealous of all of you my first visit was less than 24 hours Dx

[Zephii]

I think it depends on a lot of things, like how long you already spend together online, how long you've known each other and more importantly have you lived out of home or taken a long holiday completely alone before?

For us, our first visit, I traveled and I stayed 7 weeks. That was about perfect. More than that, and I've had gone a bit crazy having my life back home on pause. I'm the kind of person who can be out of work/school for a while and not get distressed though. It doesn't take much to entertain me, and I'm quite housewifey - so his long days at school during the time didn't bother me too much, and the longer period of time gave us the opportunity to be 100% sure we wanted to give this relationship everything (because we had no intention of a second visit before closing the distance).
Cliff note: two months was great, I'd recommed that to anyone.

For Obi's first visit to me however, it was not at all the same. He stayed four months, and I tried to send him home early because he made me miserable. He'd never been away from home long, and is not the type of person who can spend an extended time unemployed. A longer visit was a terrible idea, and although we made it through, it taught me a lot about how a person's disposition effects this kind of thing.
Cliff note: four months, or even three, is too long and can stress the relationship - even when it isn't a first meeting.

I understand you want to say as long as possible to make the tickets worth it (we were 8000 miles apart) but there's the risk of too much, too soon, destroying the relationship.

[garnet]

In my last LDR, we were international, so we thought two weeks sounded good. His mom thought five sounded better. It was a little weird but we went with it. 4-5 weeks seems like a good amount of time.

In my current LDR, I planned on 3 days, because I was leaving my baby at home, but due to circumstances out of my control, it ended up being ten days, which was magical. Our second visit was for five weeks, also amazing.

I always look at 3 months as that was the amount of time my son spent his first chunk of time in the NICU. It's a LONG TIME. I honestly wouldn't do the very first meeting for that long.

[digitalfever]

I would go for a month.
That’s enough time to get to know each other, do couple-y things and spend the time needed to know its going to work without putting your life back home on hold.

[radioandy]

I'm in my second LDR, and we haven't met yet. We're planning between two weeks and a month for our first meeting.

In my first LDR, she came to visit me first, for two weeks. I was living with my parents at the time, so we had to find places to stay out of their hair, and so we had some privacy and time together as a couple, without endless parental interjections. Two weeks was the maximum we could afford to get accommodation, so that's how it was. It went very, very quickly indeed, and it felt like I was dropping her at the airport almost as soon as I'd been to pick her up.

Our second visit, I went there, to her house in the US, and this time it was a month. It damn near ended the relationship - and indeed, it was our last visit, the relationship didn't continue for many months after that. I don't want to dig into the issues that being there for so long brought up, but we were basically together, we were both off work, and we were glued to each other for a month. It just didn't work.

I think two weeks is a bit short, particularly when you're spending so much on air tickets. If you're both off work, and don't have to buy accommodation, then I'd probably suggest three weeks for a visit. Visits don't "simulate" what it's going to be like for you to live together, because you're constantly having to find things to do together, rather than just going to work, and living normally, if that makes sense. My first visit in my second LDR will be around three weeks, finances willing.

[lademoiselle]

Taking everything into consideration, I'd recommend a month

[MissVampyxo]

I would definitely just go for a month, or even shorter. Depending on how long you two have already been together. My first meeting with my SO, he visited for a week but then decided to stay for one extra week. It's going to be hard no matter what but definitely don't go three months if you'll lose your job. First just figure out what your job would allow, I think only a week or so, and just go then. It's going to be just a 'test the water' sort of thing, and there's always him visiting you and more visits to come in the future!

[Kristin91]

I can't give a generalization here because I only know about me and my SO. The first time I went to see him I only stayed a weekend. Granted, I had to get back to school, but I feel like a long visit (even a month) might be too much for a first visit. Just in case, you don't want to end up miserable and be stuck there for a month...

[aomnomnom]

Mine will be at least 2-3 months, but I have friends in the states nearby (east coast), so if we dont get along I can always leave... that's my back up plan For me I will be done with school before, so I have no commitment to come back in certain time. Since, we live really far away from eachother we really need a longer living together period to see if we get along and make big decisions later.

[Jazi]

He came to visit for 12 days on our first meeting, It was amazing.. And when I look back on it, it went very quickly and we would have handled longer.

But thats hindsight, and you can never know how the first meet will be until you're in it/have done it. Before we met I was quite nervous about meeting, and there is also the BIG thing of not putting too much pressure on your relationship before you've even met. I also understand the cost of the flights.. there is always that pressure to make your trips worth while for the cost, but I think with a first meet you kind of have to not get wrapped up in that, even in your future visits.. you have to think, it could ALWAYS be a longer trip.. but that time you DO spend together will be invaluable. Me and my SO have discussed just after 1 day of a trip if we had to part the next day, if it would have been worth it for the cost/flight time for the time together.. and the answer is ALWAYS yes (but of course we always have the rest of the trip ahead of us :P).

I think you should aim for something between 2 - 3 weeks, its nothing to sneeze at. My SO has only ever been able to have trips shorter than a month when he visits, and it's always worth it. I've always done 5 week trips when I visit him. If you take too much time to visit, you kind of drop your entire life, jobs and school, things like that.. cant really handle more than a month away when you plan to come back to them and just pick it up again.

[schwee44]

Wow, thanks for all the feedback, guys! Less than a month seems a bit short, considering how far we have to travel, so we're gonna go with a month and a half~

Oh, Tooki, I'm not going to New Zealand anymore :/ had a falling out with that friend

[Tooki]

Wow, thanks for all the feedback, guys! Less than a month seems a bit short, considering how far we have to travel, so we're gonna go with a month and a half~

Oh, Tooki, I'm not going to New Zealand anymore :/ had a falling out with that friend

That's good. I think that visiting for anything less than two weeks will be a waste considering that the flights will cost ~$2300.

And it's a shame that you can't go to NZ .