Would you want to experience your SO suffering emotionally?

[Rosalynn]

My SO and I have this ridiculously close and honest relationship with each other. There isn't anything we can't talk about and we know pretty much everything that's going on in each other's lives. We're always there for each other and he has this wonderful way of calming me down and supporting me.

But here's the thing... about 6 months ago I was told I had a fibroid that's abnormally large (a fibroid is a benign tumour that grows in or on your uterus). No big deal, it would just require surgery and isn't life threatening. In about 4 months the tumour doubled in size. It's now the size of a cantelope or a 20 week pregnancy. This alarmed my GN because this size doubling is extremely rare and congruent with a type of smooth muscle tissue cancer called uterine leiomyosarcoma. This type of cancer isn't usually discovered until the suspected fibroid is removed and a sample is sent to pathology. At this point it has usually spread to other areas and the prognosis isn't good. About a 25-30% survival rate.

My question is, I have a great support system in friends and my SO is my rock. I know I could talk to him about this and all my worries about dying in the next five years or so, but should I? Should I put extra weight on what he's thinking just so I can talk about it when I have other people I can talk to? I have already talked to him a bit about being terrified of dying and he handled it well. He's a rock when it comes to sad things but I have a feeling the thought of losing me might be his weakness. I just feel like it might be cruel to use him as my outlet for freaking out.

I will be keeping him updated on results and such. Right now I'm waiting for an appointment with an oncologist that will take a biopsy that will tell us whether we really need to worrying or not. But if the results come back as positive for this cancer I'll of course tell him, would you want to see your loved one freak out and suffer emotionally while you're suffering as well?

I'm just not sure if I should hold back for his emotional welfare. What would you want?

Rosalynn

[snow_girl]

I wouldn't start assuming the worst just yet. The uterus isn't a vital organ and if it needs to be removed as sucky as it is, you can live without it. I would tell your SO what they found and that they are going to do biopsies and find out what is going on and do what they need to do. Don't start thinking you are going to die because you don't even know what it is yet. If my SO was going through something like this I would absolutely want to know, I would be quite upset if he kept is from me for weeks or months or whatever.

[Rosalynn]

The question isn't whether I should tell him, I'll definitely be keeping him updated. He knows about the biopsy coming up. I'm just wondering if he should be the main person I go to to talk to about this. He is for everything else in my life.

And I know this isn't a death sentence, 30% of people survive at my stage (if it's this cancer). I'm just starting the what ifs now instead of later if this becomes a reality and I might not be able to think clearly.

[snow_girl]

It seems only right he would be your rock for this too then. Ask him if he is okay with it, if you are unsure.

[Sora1101]

ask him

I didn't want to burden my SO with my newly found kidney disease but when I asked him whether or not he wanted to deal with it or not he chose to support me.

[sewbama]

I know the comparison is no where near adequate, but it's what I have. Sometimes, I struggle more with the distance. I break down. I have bad days (or weeks), and my SO is my rock. He is so strong for me because it's what I need. But he has times like that, too. And when I see that he's struggling, I am strong for him. We take care of each other when we are having a tough time. What I'm saying is that we can BOTH have emotional struggles, but still take care of each other.

I don't know how it would be if it was a life-threatening situation rather than a sad day, but when we need strength, the other is there for us. So yea, this will be hard for him to deal with, but that doesn't mean you have to deal with it by yourself. There might be days where he struggles, and then you can be there for him. But he's your SO, you should go to him when you need help.

Maybe there are times when it's better to keep some feelings to yourself, but you should go to him if you want to.

[efish1042]

I'm an advocate of 'no secrets'. He deserves to know that you're worried about it and what's going on. Just remember that it may not be the worst case scenario. I would feel utterly betrayed if my SO kept something like this from me. Then again, I felt betrayed when my mom decided to keep my grandmother's death from me. I don't like secrets.

[digitalfever]

Yes tell him but I'd say that in this situation while you want to be honest and open that you'll also need to seek outside sources such as counsellors, support groups and the like to really share your deepest thoughts.

[Caitlin2009]

tell him. stuff like that is an automatic must tell your partner about, if he's your rock he'll be able to handle it.

[Rosalynn]

Okay. Thanks guys. He's my rock for other things and we never keep secrets, I was just wondering if this might be something that I could take a hit on for the better of his welfare. I think, if this becomes an issue, I will go to him when I need him but also use other sources so I'm not breaking down on him everyday. Does that sound fair?