>.< Something in a LDR I never thought of..

[sam]

So, this morning one of Elina's family members passed away..

The funeral is right in the middle of the week she was meant to be here, so she can't come now, basically.

Has anyone else been through this?

I guess its one part of a LDR I never really thought about.

I'm not there with her.
I cant hug her.
I cant make her feel any better..
I cant.. do anything. I feel so.. useless and helpless O_o

This sucks..

In the bigger picture, it's more important that she's at the funeral and stuff. There's more important things in her life than me.. but I'm allowed to be upset I wont see her too, right?

So yeah, how has anyone else dealt with this? What can I do? I'm 1000+ miles away and able to do nothing to/for the person I should be there for.
Kinda feel like I'm a failure to her or something



Yeah, sorry about the rant.. heh
Just feeling pretty down..

[Čternity]

It's fine to be upset that you won't see her, I'm sure she is too. While you can't actually be there just ask her what you can do. I'm sure there are many ways you can help her through this. All the best

[NaNi]

I often feel like this. Especially when my SO is upset or sad. I can't do anything. Sure, I can talk to her over Skype which does help at least a little bit, but I can't be there for her. Physically. It's on my mind a lot. And it hurts.

[Alisz]

I'm sorry for her loss. Recently my dog of 14 years passed away. My boyfriend wasn't around and there was no way he could be around. I was pretty upset about it and would've loved nothing more than for him to be with me. I think I was more upset at the thought that he'd never met her and now never would. We're both dog lovers btw. It's tough, but it did help knowing he was around if I needed someone to talk to. So, being there for her will really help her, even if it's only online. Just letting her know that she can virtually cry on your shoulder and you're there to listen will help her more than you think.

[Riyko]

I'm sorry for her loss as well. Something like that hasn't happened to either my guy or I since we've been Long Distance, but I know if it happened to either of us we would fly to be with the other person in a heartbeat. There isn't anything wrong with being upset that you won't be able to see her.

[newyork30]

I am sorry to hear of her loss and you have every right to feel the way you are, we always want to comfort our loved ones when they are in hurting. I dont know if this will work for you, or even if you would want to try but my bf and i verbally "hug" each other. basically this means we talk through what we would be doing if we were physically together. I know that when I am hurting and he does this, just knowing he cares so much that his words and emotions comfort me.

[Tulip]

Last year, one of my boyfriend's relatives got a stroke. My way to help him deal with it was just to be there for him, even though i couldn't be there in person. Just saying comforting words, or as newyork30 mentioned, verbally hug each other.
There have been many cases when I'd go through something bad (a lot of stress at school, or getting not getting along with someone, just missing him, etc), and whenever he would comfort me even just by saying how much he loves me, I'd always feel better.
In your post you mentioned that you can't do anything for the person you should be there for, but as I said, you can be there for her if you let her know that, and that will help. And of course you have the right to feel sad, because you care, and you should tell her that.

[Tanja]

Awwww I'm really sorry to hear that. How is Elina coping?

It's so frustrating not to be able to be there physically but you're there with her in her heart and that's all you can do right know.
It's hard I know but you're helping her more than you know, even if you think you aren't. You love her and that's a big help to her during this difficult time.

I wish you both the best ♥

[sam]

She seems ok. Doesnt seem to be as upset/frustrated as me that she wont come here (guess that's understandable in the circumstances? >.>) but yeah.. I had a load of surprises planned and stuff for us (our 1-yr anniversary is when she was meant to be here too )

Ohh well, I think I'll still see her so it's not too bad I guess

[Swederica]

Ohh that do suck on so many levels.
Not only did she lose a family member but she'll also miss visiting you.
It's completely fine to be upset/disappointed that you won't be able to be with her, just as long as you keep it to yourself.

Otherwise i understand how that feels. One morning Katelyn discovered that her beloved grandma had to go to the hospital during the night and she cried and was so scared. And here i am sitting 5000 miles away and can do nothing at all.
Fortunately her grandma was alright

[Gen]

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that you and your SO are going through this. I hope she is doing alright.

If I might offer some perspective: Someone extremely close to me recently lost her father. He was basically my second Dad. I was her primary support throughout this and my LD boyfriend was unable to be by my side physically. It was so hard not to have him there. But honestly, he was so wonderful at being there from a distance. He was strong for me so that I could be strong for my dearest friend. I had to face some things that I never thought I would encounter during this time. But when I was scared I could call or text him. My feelings were met with understanding and encouragement: "It's ok to be scared, but you have to brave for your friend. It's going to be ok. Just know I am so incredibly proud of you."

When I finally did get to see him, it was like I could finally breathe again. He took care of me. And although the funeral did alter some of our plans too, he let me know that he was missing me without making me feel guilty. It only served to remind me that he is in fact my partner in life, whether he's standing right next to me, or he's miles and miles away.