I'm back. After my breakup.

[Biscous]

I'm sure many of you people remember me and my story. My ex was supposed to move to Texas with me (we are both from Atlanta) and two months prior we planned a regular visit. Well that didn't happen and she decided to not come, after having me pay for her plane ticket. I wasted that money and she told me she needed space. She broke up with me and didn't move out.

Five months of not talking, I spoke with her two weeks before Thanksgiving. We talked some. We still have strong feelings for one another. I asked her hard and painful questions. One thing that bothered me was when she broke up with me, a month later she went back to her ex and moved with him to New York. She said she knew it was something she did as a temporary fix to escape home, responsibility, and give her some time to think about what to do with her life.

Still, I told her how that made me feel. For her to do that to me. It is as though she selected him over me. Keep in mind the age difference between us. I recently turned 29 and she just turned 23. People mess up and make mistakes I know, but at the same time some of it is hard to swallow. Her being with another man during this time.

She said to me "please take me back". Obviously we were long distance for some time and part of the reason we broke up was because she was unsure of moving out with me, and she was unsure about Texas. Things seemed the way they used to be when I met her but of course I was guarded.

My question is for those who experienced break ups, would you ever get back with someone that broke your heart in the past? If they were willing to make the effort to be together and make it work would you, or would the past be too much to consider that?

[weetzie]

i wouldn't; it's my experience that even though you get back and things are better for a while, it just ends up happening again, making me wish i just walked away in the first place when it was much easier.

[ThePiedPiper]

No, but that's because I'm dynamic and tend to change. My opinion is that between the time you stop talking to someone and start talking to them again, one or both people have changed to the point it would never work. This isn't true for all cases, as some do change in the same direction, but this is rare. My guess would be she's as desperately pleaing for you to take her back as she was desperately willing to move to be with her ex. Mistake or not, she's showing a pattern here that I would never personally walk into.

[floridaellen]

My SO took me back after I broke his heart. But we were very young and immature. We had to have some time apart in order to see what we really had. I think the time apart worked wonders for our relationship. I think if we had stayed together at that point we would have been miserable. We are very happy now.

I do think its normally bad to get back together with an ex. You could be setting yourself up for more heartache or just postponing the inevitable. But it has worked for me.

[Tooki]

Give the relationship another go, if she is willing to get herself to Texas. If she can do that, you're already going to be well on the way to making the relationship work.

[temporaryuser]

so she was afraid to move to texas to be with you, but not afraid to move to NY to be with him?
If you feel she was being honest with you when you asked the painful questions, and you really got to the bottom of the break up, then it would be worth another shot

[Chris516]

I'm sure many of you people remember me and my story. My ex was supposed to move to Texas with me (we are both from Atlanta) and two months prior we planned a regular visit. Well that didn't happen and she decided to not come, after having me pay for her plane ticket. I wasted that money and she told me she needed space. She broke up with me and didn't move out.

Five months of not talking, I spoke with her two weeks before Thanksgiving. We talked some. We still have strong feelings for one another. I asked her hard and painful questions. One thing that bothered me was when she broke up with me, a month later she went back to her ex and moved with him to New York. She said she knew it was something she did as a temporary fix to escape home, responsibility, and give her some time to think about what to do with her life.

Still, I told her how that made me feel. For her to do that to me. It is as though she selected him over me. Keep in mind the age difference between us. I recently turned 29 and she just turned 23. People mess up and make mistakes I know, but at the same time some of it is hard to swallow. Her being with another man during this time.

She said to me "please take me back". Obviously we were long distance for some time and part of the reason we broke up was because she was unsure of moving out with me, and she was unsure about Texas. Things seemed the way they used to be when I met her but of course I was guarded.

My question is for those who experienced break ups, would you ever get back with someone that broke your heart in the past? If they were willing to make the effort to be together and make it work would you, or would the past be too much to consider that?

Your ex sounds like a 'player'. She used you, and her ex. Stay away from her. She is heartless.

[alittlemind]

Last summer my boyfriend broke my heart and left me for someone else. I know, some people probably think I'm crazy for ever even considering taking him back, but I did. I agree, everyone makes mistakes. We had a lot of long talks and he said he regretted ever breaking up with me. We had both grown and matured over the months we were apart, and knew how to approach it, and made sure we both knew where we wanted this to go.

Honestly, though, I get a bad feeling from what you've said. I don't understand her moving to NY with her ex, but won't move to Texas for you? It just seems off. I don't know all the details, though, and if I were you in this situation, I'd go with my gut feeling. If it doesn't feel right anymore- don't do it. Although if you feel like she's worth it, and she can be trusted, what's stopping you?

I've learned that the past is over with and no matter what you can't change what happened, what you can do is move forward and make the best of it, whether that's taking her back into your life or moving on without her.

[MadMolly]

Nope, I wouldn't, but it's up to you whether you can move past this. And I wouldn't consider 23 and 29 to be any significant age gap whatsoever; I think she may just be particularly immature. Be careful.

[Biscous]

Your ex sounds like a 'player'. She used you, and her ex. Stay away from her. She is heartless.

Eh part of me would think she is playing a game, but why would she if she had more available options, invested in a long distance relationship, etc. Funny thing is, she did pay for a lot of things seeing her recently since she did owe me for the ticket, which I chalked up. I just don't see her as the player type, given several things we've been through, but I could be wrong.

[Biscous]

Last summer my boyfriend broke my heart and left me for someone else. I know, some people probably think I'm crazy for ever even considering taking him back, but I did. I agree, everyone makes mistakes. We had a lot of long talks and he said he regretted ever breaking up with me. We had both grown and matured over the months we were apart, and knew how to approach it, and made sure we both knew where we wanted this to go.

Honestly, though, I get a bad feeling from what you've said. I don't understand her moving to NY with her ex, but won't move to Texas for you? It just seems off. I don't know all the details, though, and if I were you in this situation, I'd go with my gut feeling. If it doesn't feel right anymore- don't do it. Although if you feel like she's worth it, and she can be trusted, what's stopping you?

I've learned that the past is over with and no matter what you can't change what happened, what you can do is move forward and make the best of it, whether that's taking her back into your life or moving on without her.

That's an answer I was pressing for and she didn't give me a rational answer as to why she did it. She said she did it as an out that she could easily do admist all the chaos and pressure she had. I had pressure in my life during college and as a result it made me do horrible in my academics and made me depressed. I wasted some of my parents money as a result. Not the same thing here...but we do things haphazardly at times.

She told me she got accepted to school up there with a full ride but doesn't want to be there. I told her do what makes her happy.

It still doesn't explain things AS much. I wonder IF things turned out well with her and the ex would she even contact me. I asked her that and she said she cried several times thinking about me. She did contact me SEVERAL times when I went no contact on her for five months.

I asked her if I was just a rebound for her to go back to her ex and she said no and she loved me. This is why I would ONLY take her back on the condition she decides to move out and be with me. I'm not sure if she will, so all I can do is move forward.

Nope, I wouldn't, but it's up to you whether you can move past this. And I wouldn't consider 23 and 29 to be any significant age gap whatsoever; I think she may just be particularly immature. Be careful.

Yep. Thinking immaturity here. She saw what a good man was like. Maybe she won't take it for granted later in life.

Thanks for the advice BTW everyone.

[kittyo9]

It is a little alarming that she was so ready to move to NYC to "escape" when she wasn't ready to move at all for you.

If you do accept her back into your life, are you going to resent her for what she did? I think that's really important to consider. Resentment can ruin a relationship.

[Biscous]

It is a little alarming that she was so ready to move to NYC to "escape" when she wasn't ready to move at all for you.

If you do accept her back into your life, are you going to resent her for what she did? I think that's really important to consider. Resentment can ruin a relationship.

I certainly agree there. It wasn't NYC it was New York state but w/e still she did break up and move.

[Verojoon]

My SO took me back after I left him and broke his heart last Spring. That being said, our situation was different... he was the one who wouldn't commit to making a plan to closing the distance. One of the other comments mentioned people change and grow between relationships... we did... and it was in the right direction... Our time apart gave us time to decide where our priority lies.. I was with someone else... pretty happy with him and learned some things he had said he couldn't give me were things I couldn't compromise on... he learned the opposite... that some of the things he said he couldn't give me were things he wish he was the one giving me and not the other guy.

I wonder IF things turned out well with her and the ex would she even contact me. I asked her that and she said she cried several times thinking about me. She did contact me SEVERAL times when I went no contact on her for five months.

I asked her if I was just a rebound for her to go back to her ex and she said no and she loved me. This is why I would ONLY take her back on the condition she decides to move out and be with me. I'm not sure if she will, so all I can do is move forward.

These are legitimate questions to be asking yourself but once you've handled these questions, if you do want to make it work, you will need to learn to let it go... In most cases we are with our SO because it didn't work out with someone else... Even if it is just not working out with a crush you never could have...

If you do accept her back into your life, are you going to resent her for what she did? I think that's really important to consider. Resentment can ruin a relationship.

This is very important. My BF and I had to have a lot of conversations and both had to work very hard at dropping resentment... that ended up building on both sides... About 3 months later, we are having to work on it less and less... but everything in a relationship needs to be worked on... If it is not resentment about these things, it could be about something else.. the important thing is to be willing to work on it.

Good Luck!

[Rugger]

Exes are exes for a reason. I got back together with my ex ONCE. Never again. She was selfish then. She's still selfish now. Ditch her and find someone who actually respects you