Thursday night I had to make that really hard decision. As you all know, long distance relationships, especially as teenagers, are really hard. I told Kaleb Thursday night that if he didn't want to change his attitude towards me, I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't know how else to show him that he couldn't keep acting that way towards me without losing me. I told him I needed time to myself to think, and I needed him to take this time to realize what he has and what he can lose. I'm just feeling really confused right now. While we were having that conversation, he was telling me all these things that I had been wanting to hear for the past few months. All just a little too late. I knew he was being honest, I know him. It broke my heart. I just couldn't be the person he wanted me to be anymore. I couldn't change myself any more than I had. I just can't help feeling like this isn't the end. I can't stop thinking about him as my boyfriend. Is that normal?
It's hard to get it into my head that we could be over if the only thing that's changed is talking to him everyday. I'm sorry if this is all over the place, that's just the way my mind is working right now. Last night I had the most amazing time with my friends, honestly, more fun than I've had with my boyfriend in a long time. I'm lucky I have a great little group of friends, they made it their goal to make me feel better and they succeeded. I felt free, I didn't have to worry about telling Kaleb that I'd have to call him late. But still, I couldn't help but miss him. I told him I would call him sometime this week, just to check in on him, because of course I still care about him. I still want to make sure he's doing okay. How long should I wait? Should I ask him to tell me when would be best for him? He's coming home in 19 days, and we've planned to meet up then and decide if this is permanent or not.
I just really don't know how to go about living my life without him, because it has been about a year and a half of this rollercoaster with him. Another question I have is, I planned to have a group of people over for him on the first saturday that he is visiting, (we have the same group of friends here) and although I still want to, I don't know if it's "acceptable", to do that? I really just need a whole bunch of advice on how to deal with this "break-up". If you have any questions in order to give better advice, go right ahead and I will answer as soon as I can.
It's hard to get it into my head that we could be over if the only thing that's changed is talking to him everyday. I'm sorry if this is all over the place, that's just the way my mind is working right now. Last night I had the most amazing time with my friends, honestly, more fun than I've had with my boyfriend in a long time. I'm lucky I have a great little group of friends, they made it their goal to make me feel better and they succeeded. I felt free, I didn't have to worry about telling Kaleb that I'd have to call him late. But still, I couldn't help but miss him. I told him I would call him sometime this week, just to check in on him, because of course I still care about him. I still want to make sure he's doing okay. How long should I wait? Should I ask him to tell me when would be best for him? He's coming home in 19 days, and we've planned to meet up then and decide if this is permanent or not.
I just really don't know how to go about living my life without him, because it has been about a year and a half of this rollercoaster with him. Another question I have is, I planned to have a group of people over for him on the first saturday that he is visiting, (we have the same group of friends here) and although I still want to, I don't know if it's "acceptable", to do that? I really just need a whole bunch of advice on how to deal with this "break-up". If you have any questions in order to give better advice, go right ahead and I will answer as soon as I can.
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