Any age gap relationships?

[orangelove]

There's a 23 year age gap between me and my boyfriend. I love him to death, but sometimes I think about the future and start worrying. About starting a family, about outliving him. I know it's ridiculous to think about these things when we've only been together a year, but the thoughts occur to me anyway. I think I'd be willing to deal with those things, but they're just hard to think about. Does anyone else have experience with this?

[redapple]

I've had a ten year age gap but it really wasn't a biggy. It never really got very serious. I feel a bit weird looking back though considering I was only 18. There was a post on this recently somewhere so there's definitely others!

[Malaga]

The biggest gap I've had was 7 years. I was 19 and he was 26. It didn't last very long but I think it's got little to do with the gap, we were just incompatible as a couple.

23 years is a rather extreme gap though. Cynics would say that he's going through a midlife crisis so he got a young girlfriend to compensate for it. I personally get suspicious about such big gaps - I mean no offense. In my experience for most people they're just a phase and sooner or later they go back within their own age bracket, unless there are some issues behind it.

[lademoiselle]

I have second-hand experience since my parents have an age gap of 21 years. They've been together for almost 30 years now, married for 21 of those. Hey, it worked for them! I couldn't imagine being with someone much older than me though, so I think it's different for everyone

[snow_girl]

I think you have every right to worry about the future with him and a gap like that. Say you are 20 and he is 43 and you aren't ready to have kids until you are say 26, he will almost be 50. By the time his kids graduate he'll be quite senior. I personally would not have children with someone that much older. You'll be 50 wanted to enjoy the kids being out of the house while he could very well be immobile.

[orangelove]

23 years is a rather extreme gap though. Cynics would say that he's going through a midlife crisis so he got a young girlfriend to compensate for it. I personally get suspicious about such big gaps - I mean no offense. In my experience for most people they're just a phase and sooner or later they go back within their own age bracket, unless there are some issues behind it.

I understand where you're coming from. I would be suspicious, too. But that mentality is my biggest fear and the number one reason why I haven't had the guts to tell many people. Which is a damn shame because I can't imagine anyone better suited for me than Clint. It took a while for me to get comfortable with his age and vice versa, but we complement each other so well and he makes me happy. I hope I get some more understanding on this forum. Most people here, I think, have experienced people telling them that their relationship isn't "real" or isn't going to last because they're long distance. And I think some people have also experienced the unique connection the internet allows you to have with a person: you get to learn the deeper parts of a person before the superficial. And sometimes that ends up making you fall in love with a person who's 9000 miles away or who's 23 years older than you.

[Amber]

My boyfriend is six years older than me, which isn't a lot, but considering I'm nineteen I think other people sometimes find it a bit too much.... It could be weird if we were at very different stages in our lives, but as we're both at uni I hardly notice it. I think he feels old, sometimes... he doesn't act it, though. :P

[Malaga]

I understand where you're coming from. I would be suspicious, too. But that mentality is my biggest fear and the number one reason why I haven't had the guts to tell many people. Which is a damn shame because I can't imagine anyone better suited for me than Clint. It took a while for me to get comfortable with his age and vice versa, but we complement each other so well and he makes me happy. I hope I get some more understanding on this forum. Most people here, I think, have experienced people telling them that their relationship isn't "real" or isn't going to last because they're long distance. And I think some people have also experienced the unique connection the internet allows you to have with a person: you get to learn the deeper parts of a person before the superficial. And sometimes that ends up making you fall in love with a person who's 9000 miles away or who's 23 years older than you.

There are positive examples too, like lademoiselle's parents. I'd never tell you not to go for it - just to exercise caution. Take care of yourself and don't lose pace with your peers. You're aware your relationship is riskier than average for many different reasons, just like a LDR or an online romance is risky. But for most people the distance is going to be closed within a certain period and this risk will be diminished... the age gap is always going to be there, with the differences in lifestyle getting more pronounced.

Rightly or wrongly, people are going to be suspicious, but if this is something you truly believe in, then you'll just have to put up with it and prove them wrong over time, just like in any LDR.

[orangelove]

I think you have every right to worry about the future with him and a gap like that. Say you are 20 and he is 43 and you aren't ready to have kids until you are say 26, he will almost be 50. By the time his kids graduate he'll be quite senior. I personally would not have children with someone that much older. You'll be 50 wanted to enjoy the kids being out of the house while he could very well be immobile.

Yes, this is exactly my fear. He did mention once that he wants children, which maybe makes it a little better because presumably this scenario has occurred to him as well and he's decided it's alright. It's just not ideal, I guess. Though nothing about an age gap is ideal. I just feel like I've lost so much time with him before we've even got started. I guess it's a matter of weighing which is more important: a life spent with the man you love or a family with two able-bodied parents. And they seem impossible to reconcile.

[Ciana]

I have a two year gap, but that is nothing really haha Only thing to keep in mind is that I am seventeen currently and we wil be 18 and 20 in five months time :P But really no biggie lol

[Sora1101]

My age gap is 5 years, in the long run it's not really that big of a deal but I met him when I was 15 so everyone seemed to think it was blasphemous, three years from now it'll hardly matter at all.

[Tooki]

I have second-hand experience since my parents have an age gap of 21 years. They've been together for almost 30 years now, married for 21 of those. Hey, it worked for them! I couldn't imagine being with someone much older than me though, so I think it's different for everyone

My parents have an age gap of 16 years, and they are still happily married after over 20 years.

I don't think that the age gap will be the deciding factor to your relationship OP, but it will be influential.

[AvaLouise]

Ours is only 4, but I'm 16 so people always get weirded out that I'm dating a 20 year old. Not that it'll matter in a few years, like Sora said. My parents are 12 years apart, started dating when my mom was 18 and my dad was 30, and they were together at least 13 years I guess? and they're still close friends, just no longer married. I do have to say it'll be hard like someone said, if y'all have kids, he'll be quite old when they grow up.

[D.4C]

there is 13 years between myself and my fiance'..and i really don't think about it..i think she used to alot more...but you have to live in there here and now...enjoy the time you have now...worry about the other things in the future...

[efish1042]

We have a three year age gap... which is not such a big deal anymore, but it was when we started dating. I was 15 and he was 18, and it made a lot of people unhappy. But almost four years later, it doesn't matter.