Struggling with letting go.

[braydens24]

Hey guys. Clear back in April, I broke up with my LDR girlfriend of 9 months. I'm 16 years old and so is she. After the breakup, I was fine, but after a while I started remembering how terrible of a girlfriend she was to me.

For example, I found out that she was going to be able to come up to my place for Prom in early April. I got really excited, and so I spent a good 4 or 5 hours working on a creative way to ask her. Here's what i came up with (and feel free to use this if you want): I sent her this lockable box that came with a key. That was in this huge cardboard box, and what she had to do was find the key hidden somewhere in the packing peanuts. Once she found it, she had to unlock the box, and inside were some chocolates and a picture of the two of us cut into a heart. On the back of it, it said "Now that you've found the key to my heart, will you go to prom with me?"

Cute, right? I thought so. Well, I spent a good 50 or 60 bucks to order the locking box because I couldn't find it in store and to mail the whole deal. So after I sent it, I waited... and I waited... and I waited to hear something about it from her. Even if she wasn't going to reply right away, I was expecting a simple "Heyyy, so I got your prom thing!" on the phone or something. 2 weeks after I sent it, I finally asked her, "So did you ever get my package in the mail?" Here's what she said. "Oh, your prom thing? Yeah, I got that like last week. It was sweet, but now I have this ugly black box that I don't know what to do with."

...

Anyways, she tortured me for months with stuff like that. I gave her the world and got nothing at all back. Now, months after we broke up, she's moved on and has all kinds of guys around her, and I'm afraid to even hang out with friends because of what she did to me. I gave her everything that I am worth, and she took it all for granted. Now i'm afraid to give myself out to anybody.

Can anybody help me? How do I forget her, and move on with my life?

[LadyMarchHare]

Oh wow, what a bitch. Even if I didn't like the box I would have never said something like that and would have liked it for the sheer fact it was a gift my SO worked hard on as far as planning/buying/shipping. That alone was rude, not to mention she didn't even acknowledge getting it and didn't even reply to the question that was the whole reason you did that. (by the way, that's an awesome way to go about asking your girlfriend anything, not just prom. Props to you for putting that much effort into it)

It sounds to me like this girl wasn't even looking for anything besides sexual attention and whatever other selfish reason teenage girls come up with for relationships. I'm sorry you had to deal with her. Why are you afraid to hang out with your friends, though? Are some of them hers as well? And I understand the fear of opening yourself up to anyone and being hurt, it's very common. All I can say to that is be careful with the girls you talk to, get to know them really well before you invest any sort of feelings and if you feel yourself falling anyway, try to get the support of a friend so they can help keep your mind steady or see this girl from another perspective that's generally unbiased.

I don't think you'll ever forget her entirely and really you don't want to because you can learn from her and know that her type does not deserve you and you can move on to nicer girls. As for moving on, try and set aside/get rid of/whatever anything that reminds you of her. If it's music, take them off your mp3 player and put them in a separate folder until you feel you can listen to them without the memories. Movies, don't watch. Sites, games, cut back on. Try and pick up a new hobby or emerse yourself in a favorite one to distract your mind from wanting to think of her. And always remember that you deserve better and she helped you realize that.

[Silviar]

First, I want to say you're doing a good job taking a healthy step forward and recognizing what she did was bad for you and ultimately not just unhealthy, but destructive. Clearly you weren't on the same page for relationships at best, and she sounds quite immature.

As for getting over her... it's not easy getting over someone you care about. What I suggest is focusing on your individuality and enjoying yourself as yourself. Spend some time with hobbies you enjoy, go hang out with friends more often, and take care of yourself. Like when I broke up with someone really important, I started working out and refocusing on getting my health back because I'd let my relationship get in the way of eating right, and I gained weight. Now I've taken up some hobbies I never thought I'd do regularly, like hiking in the local national parks.

[braydens24]

Thanks a lot for the advice, you guys. The reason I'm having problems getting back out into the social scene is kinda complicated. 1, I go to a tiny private school with little to no social scene already, and 2, I'm just afraid of rejection. The whole time in that relationship, I subconsciously felt rejected and unappreciated, and I'm afraid that if I get out there with people they'll reject me. Sounds stupid, I know, but that's just the way I feel right now.

[LadyMarchHare]

It's not stupid, I felt that way for years after having a major scene with a guy I liked for 2 years. (he basically made a spectacle of telling me he didn't like me because I was weird) Unfortunately it is the risk you have to take. You don't have to take it now. Right now you could simply focus on making up for lost time and making sure YOU have fun and don't put yourself on the market anywhere until you're sure you could handle putting even a pinky finger on the chopping block. You have time to heal and if any girl finds you and wants to give a relationship a try and you're not ready yet, if she's worth her salt she'll see you're worth the wait.

[Silviar]

Thanks a lot for the advice, you guys. The reason I'm having problems getting back out into the social scene is kinda complicated. 1, I go to a tiny private school with little to no social scene already, and 2, I'm just afraid of rejection. The whole time in that relationship, I subconsciously felt rejected and unappreciated, and I'm afraid that if I get out there with people they'll reject me. Sounds stupid, I know, but that's just the way I feel right now.

Don't let the fear of rejection rule your life. If you need a little bit of time to lick your wounds, give yourself that space, but if you find yourself making excuses, then stop. Rejection happens, it's part of life. The sun will still rise the next morning, and you'll still be the same person you are. Some people will reject you; others won't. But guess what? you're not going to get into an intimate relationship with all of them. The level of which you decide to hang out with, trust, and confide in people will give you many levels of friends and acquaintances. Rejection will happen all your life - college, credit applications, jobs... life is slogging through the muck and still wading on. You'll find plenty of firm ground.

There are plenty of places to be social outside of school. Join martial arts or clubs outside of school - you'll meet people with the same interests from the surrounding area. Why not try meetup.com? For example, you can meet people to play board games. Fun, light contact, no necessary follow-up required.