Hey guys,
So currently I am no longer dating my SO, we broke up a couple of days ago. I didn't necessarily want to break up, but maybe it's best for us right now. She's giving me time to sort out my feelings and whether I'm still in love with her or not. When she asked if I loved her, of course I said yes, as I do, but when she asked if I was in love with her I could not answer her confidently. I hesitated, and it broke her heart. Anyway, the reason why? The reason, which I have not told her is that I compare myself to literally everyone, especially when it comes to dating girls, every guy they've ever been with I compare myself to, and this is where I become extremely selfish and find it unfair, when really I should not be, because the reason I'm about to tell you is that I seem like the guy on the better end of the deal. Anyway, I'm a virgin still, but my ex-SO (I don't really like calling her that, as I truly hope that we can work things out) has had sex before, with a few different guys. I didn't mind the circumstances where she was dating them, that's normal, I almost had sex with girlfriends in the past, but I decided to wait. Anyway, the month before we met, she has gone through depression (one of her best friends had committed suicide a year earlier, and her really good friend that she ended up dating was abusive, etc. all in this years span) and was mentally not in a good place at all: she got drunk, had sex with a guy she had just met, they talked for a short time, whatever. What bothers me is that that one night she let a guy that she did not even know have all of her, and while I have experienced a lot more of her, I find it extremely unfair. I don't want to pressure her into having sex with me, but I hate thinking that she had sex with that one guy that night, and we had yet to have it. Yes, we do other things besides sex, but that is besides the point. I am very insecure when it came to this and I want to be able to accept it and I want to love her with all of my heart and just move forward. I am looking for forgiveness in the sense that I should not be treating her this way for something that I obviously cannot control and something that was before me, so it shouldn't bother me, etc. I just want to be able to reconcile with myself and be forgiven for thinking these thoughts and hopefully I can move forward, accept her for her and be able to love her the way I used to. I was wondering if anyone else has had these insecurities and if you guys were able to move forward with it. I hate bringing this up to people as I didn't want it to become a big deal, but it is to me, and I feel so awful for it. If anyone else has been through this, please any help would work. I feel so awful, I love the girl, but I want to be in love with her again, and it kills me that right now I can't be that guy for her.
So currently I am no longer dating my SO, we broke up a couple of days ago. I didn't necessarily want to break up, but maybe it's best for us right now. She's giving me time to sort out my feelings and whether I'm still in love with her or not. When she asked if I loved her, of course I said yes, as I do, but when she asked if I was in love with her I could not answer her confidently. I hesitated, and it broke her heart. Anyway, the reason why? The reason, which I have not told her is that I compare myself to literally everyone, especially when it comes to dating girls, every guy they've ever been with I compare myself to, and this is where I become extremely selfish and find it unfair, when really I should not be, because the reason I'm about to tell you is that I seem like the guy on the better end of the deal. Anyway, I'm a virgin still, but my ex-SO (I don't really like calling her that, as I truly hope that we can work things out) has had sex before, with a few different guys. I didn't mind the circumstances where she was dating them, that's normal, I almost had sex with girlfriends in the past, but I decided to wait. Anyway, the month before we met, she has gone through depression (one of her best friends had committed suicide a year earlier, and her really good friend that she ended up dating was abusive, etc. all in this years span) and was mentally not in a good place at all: she got drunk, had sex with a guy she had just met, they talked for a short time, whatever. What bothers me is that that one night she let a guy that she did not even know have all of her, and while I have experienced a lot more of her, I find it extremely unfair. I don't want to pressure her into having sex with me, but I hate thinking that she had sex with that one guy that night, and we had yet to have it. Yes, we do other things besides sex, but that is besides the point. I am very insecure when it came to this and I want to be able to accept it and I want to love her with all of my heart and just move forward. I am looking for forgiveness in the sense that I should not be treating her this way for something that I obviously cannot control and something that was before me, so it shouldn't bother me, etc. I just want to be able to reconcile with myself and be forgiven for thinking these thoughts and hopefully I can move forward, accept her for her and be able to love her the way I used to. I was wondering if anyone else has had these insecurities and if you guys were able to move forward with it. I hate bringing this up to people as I didn't want it to become a big deal, but it is to me, and I feel so awful for it. If anyone else has been through this, please any help would work. I feel so awful, I love the girl, but I want to be in love with her again, and it kills me that right now I can't be that guy for her.
Comment