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Partner losing interest in the relationship

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    Partner losing interest in the relationship

    For the first few months, things were going great. We had lots of conversations, lots of interesting, fun time together and for the first time in a long time, I felt very secure in a relationship. She seemed to be perfect for me, and I was so happy to have finally found someone who I considered might be "the one" for me.

    Fast forward to now. She's blowing hot and cold. Some weeks, she can't seem to get enough of me. But at other times, like now, I feel like I'm having to practically beg her to even respond to emails, let alone spend time sitting at the computer with me. She always seems to have other people to spend time with, other things to do, or that old standby that I'm sure we've all heard from time to time, "I'm tired."

    I feel abandoned. I feel like she's losing interest in me, and yet she's unable to actually tell me this, preferring to stick to other reasons.

    I'm tired, too. I work through it, because I want to be with her. But when she's got other things to do, or she's tired, she's off like a flash, as if she can't get away from me quickly enough. Spending time sitting at the computer talking to me is a chore for her, it seems. I don't have any contact with her when she doesn't want me to. Her phone number doesn't work, so if she's offline on Skype and chooses not to bother replying to emails, that's it, she may as well be on the planet Mars.

    I want things to work with her, but I feel far too attached to someone who appears to be becoming quite avoidant of me. I wait around for her, every single night, on the off-chance that she might come online after work and talk to me. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she's great at communicating where she'll be, and whether she'll be available - other times, I'm left to just guess, and worry.

    Things should work between us, we're so compatible. I like her a lot, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here writing this. But I just don't know how much more of this stress I can take, this will-she-won't-she be around, this feeling that she's losing interest in me and can't tell me. I feel stupid for having become so reliant on her for emotional support. I always make myself available to her emotionally and otherwise - but I feel like that is not being reciprocated.

    It's affecting me significantly. I feel emotionally exhausted, it's negatively impacting on my productivity at work, because I'm constantly worrying about the relationship. Of most concern is the fact that it seems to be affecting my health - I feel weak, and tired, and generally out-of-sorts, because of the stress of this relationship.

    How can I get her to open up and communicate with me about what she wants out of this relationship?
    Last edited by radioandy; December 16, 2012, 12:03 PM.

    #2
    Dude how many times have people in the chat told you that she's only using you? How many times do we have to tell you that she's got you wrapped around her finger and she doesn't care about you? You're only going to do what you want to do so why bother asking anymore.
    Made it official: 12-01-10
    First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
    Closed the distance: 07-31-13

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      #3
      Originally posted by Black_Halloween View Post
      Dude how many times have people in the chat told you that she's only using you? How many times do we have to tell you that she's got you wrapped around her finger and she doesn't care about you? You're only going to do what you want to do so why bother asking anymore.
      This. When I was in the chat with you and a few others weeks ago she had completely abandoned you. 'Losing interest' is the right term I think, only it has started long ago and I'm not sure why you're still bothering to make it work. She clearly doesn't love you the way you love her, and she's only causing you pain and sadness. You deserve so much better, just take our advise and get out of that relationship! But clearly, weeks of us saying the same things all over again have not changed your mind in the slightest, so if you don't want to listen then don't keep asking. Many of us will probably keep giving the same answers.

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        #4
        Definitely sounds like she's lost interest. Its hard to have a LDR. You have to work so much more at them then a regular relationship and even more work has to be put into one if you both live in different countries. Losing interest in any sort of relationship just happens. I think a lot of the time its not the other person's fault at all so don't blame yourself. People just get tired. I hate to say it but it may be best to just let her go.




        Met Online: 02/2012
        Started talking privately: 09/20/2012
        First Met in person: 09/22/2012
        Started Dating: 10/30/2012
        Closed the Distance 4/24/2013

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          #5
          while i agree with others above; i hasten to add where are all your other friends? surely shes not the ONLY person you have a emotional link to.. friends, family and work collegues.. get back in touch with them and you might just find that you aren't so dependent on this lass as you first think. i thik shes' also caught onto that fact hun, and is doing this to make your dependancy of her stronger so that when you do see her you r so happy- you'll skim over all the times she's been avoiding you.

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            #6
            I've not been in any of the chats and I don't know anything outside of this thread, so my advice will be based on this alone.

            Tell her what you think and how you feel. Let her know what this is doing to you and how the lack of communication and effort on her part is effecting you. Done that already? Give her an ultimatum. I usually don't like resorting to that with anyone, but if you have tried everything else to no avail that's your only option outside of leaving the relationship. Let her know that you can't continue to do this and pull the entire weight of the relationship on your own. Make it clear that you're willing to work on it if she is willing to work on it as well.

            If she can't be there and participate in this relationship then it's not really a relationship at all. It's someone holding onto what could be a relationship if the effort were put in on both sides. I know this probably hurts and you don't know what to do. What you need to do is what is best for you, be it working things out with her or moving on. Good luck either way.
            "Babe, I'm totally murdering everyone in this building right now! ... You would be so proud of me."
            This. This is only one of the reasons that I love this man. XD



            "I'll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours."
            Por siempre, mi amor. ♥

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by nomnom_elf View Post
              while i agree with others above; i hasten to add where are all your other friends? surely shes not the ONLY person you have a emotional link to.. friends, family and work collegues.. get back in touch with them and you might just find that you aren't so dependent on this lass as you first think. i thik shes' also caught onto that fact hun, and is doing this to make your dependancy of her stronger so that when you do see her you r so happy- you'll skim over all the times she's been avoiding you.
              I'm torn between this and the other responses (I haven't been around when you've discussed it in chat). Could it be that you simply require more time from her than she does you and it comes off as suffocating? Or that you two have different needs? While I agree that she should communicate more with you about when she's going out, it would depend on your reaction. I have had people respond to the point I've simply stopped telling them when I'll be out because they respond that violently and get that upset. If she's not responding to your e-mails and you send five more "hello???" type e-mails, for example, that's only going to result in pushing her away. She may be more of an extrovert than you are and require more time hanging out with friends and if you want to make this relationship work, that should be accomodated. However, it sounds like you're both so deadset on trying to prove your point that nothing is actually getting solved. You want more time and she wants less and no one's compromising and that's why this isn't working. That opinion is based ONLY off of what I've read here, as like I said, I haven't talked about this with you ever in chat.

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                #8
                Originally posted by radioandy View Post
                How can I get her to open up and communicate with me about what she wants out of this relationship?
                I'm afraid you can't, if she isn't willing. And she doesn't seem willing.

                I remember from the chat that you said she disappeared for several days and you had to do some drastic stuff to get in touch with her. From what you're saying now it doesn't seem like she cares about you that much. She doesn't treat you too nicely. I say cut your losses. You haven't met her yet, have you? This should make things easier.
                I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

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                  #9
                  You have busted your balls to get her to speak, and she has given not nearly enough to compensate for that.

                  Ditch the woman. Now.

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                    #10
                    I remember you had this issue ages ago, i think i agree with above posters for your sake and benefit you need to leave this girl she is damaging you mentally, emotionally and physically.

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