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    Asia to German

    our relationship has been 1month .but during the time, im very sad and try to be tolerant and understand him. so, here the story.

    im 21 y.o ,moslem from south east asia. i met my SO when i visited his university in student exchange program. he is 19 y.o and christian.actually, i never wanted to have younger boyfriend bcz i need wise man and leader figure to be a better girl. but he looks mature for me, maybe bcz he is european.
    we never had problem about our religion bcz we never talk about it a lot and we tolerate each other so much.

    Communication is our BIG problem. First, about language. my english is so bad and so he does. so difficult to share something deep inside from my heart and very difficult to make a joke, or other else. then i try to learn german language. i hope it will help.
    Second, internet connection. it really makes me crazy! my internet connection really bad so he cant hear my voice when skyping. so i should go to internet cafe to get the nice one.
    Third, he told me that he dislike texting. he said, better do skyping 1000times than texting. it makes me sad .really .his time to skyping is 2times a week. we could skyping depend on his time. and he said, he dislike texting? he knew that the main poin of LDR is communication .so it menas , this is germany habbit? european habbit? dislike texting? he texted me everyday but he texted me if i had asked some questions for him. and he texted me just to say, hola, morning, how r you, hows ur day. he didnt want share what he did if i not ask him first. soo german guy is like this?

    in first and second week, he was veryvery sooo sweet, soooo romantic. he often texted me. after that, he different. he said, its bcz he is not in a gud mood bcz his parents not allowed him to visit me, bcz dangerous if travel alone. it makes me sad also and even i still sad now.but it doesnt mean he diminished his text. could u imagine, we cant meet, skype 2times only in a week with bad connection, and a bit texting????

    24th is our 1st monthsary. he asked me what time i could skype with him. i said, 10pm or 12am .and he said oke .and i was waiting for him untill 1.30am but he didnt come. i texted him, but he not replied. i knew he was with his big family but he promised me .and he let me waiting for him for hours and he didnt care that i need much sleep as well. if he wanted to cancel it, he should be text me ,so i didnt need to wait him for hours.

    so could i say, he did this because of he is still 19 y.o? it turns out he not grow up yet?
    do u think, its good or not to have younger boyfriend?
    or this is it, germany/european do in having relationship? u guys no need to texting much to ur SO?

    well, i dont expect much things from this relationship, only 1% possibilities that this relationship will work bcz of distance, language, religion, culture.
    but am i wrong to maintain this relationship?

    #2
    Originally posted by Dilla View Post
    but am i wrong to maintain this relationship?
    this is someting you should ask from your inner self. the lack of communication is a trouble for you. and you are not happy with the situation. and according to what you said, he is adamant about skyping rather than texting. so you need to let him know that it is exhausting and not reasonable and that the relationship needs alot of work from both ends and ask if he is willing to do that.
    it is upto you if you want to let go or keep trying. but there is nothing that cannot be talked between partners so have a talk, let him know your concerns and come to a conclusion. best of luck

    Comment


      #3
      - If you are so firm in your beliefs (and as you probably know that a muslim woman CANNOT marry (let alone date) a non-muslim man)
      - Since you're looking for a "strong leader" as a husband and have doubts about the validity of a relationship where a woman is slightly older than the man
      - And most importantly since one month into the relationship things are already going downhil

      I'd say stop wasting your time, and his.

      Best of luck.
      I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by TwoThree View Post
        - If you are so firm in your beliefs (and as you probably know that a muslim woman CANNOT marry (let alone date) a non-muslim man)
        - Since you're looking for a "strong leader" as a husband and have doubts about the validity of a relationship where a woman is slightly older than the man
        - And most importantly since one month into the relationship things are already going downhil

        I'd say stop wasting your time, and his.

        Best of luck.
        I agree with what you said completely.

        From what you have said OP, things look very bad already. I can say with some confidence that a long distance relationship is not that appealing to your boyfriend. If you have issues with your man being younger than you, then you should dump your boyfriend right now, as this reality will never change.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by TwoThree View Post
          - If you are so firm in your beliefs (and as you probably know that a muslim woman CANNOT marry (let alone date) a non-muslim man)
          - Since you're looking for a "strong leader" as a husband and have doubts about the validity of a relationship where a woman is slightly older than the man
          - And most importantly since one month into the relationship things are already going downhil

          I'd say stop wasting your time, and his.

          Best of luck.
          hear hear......

          my thoughts exactly!

          OP,

          in my opinion you are better off with an older man who shares your religion and lives close by.

          best of luck
          The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

          Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)

          Comment


            #6
            TwoThree is right, this doesn't sound like a relationship that's workable in the long run. Sorry about that. Sometimes cultural/religious/age differences are just too great to overcome. Good luck.
            Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by TwoThree View Post
              - If you are so firm in your beliefs (and as you probably know that a muslim woman CANNOT marry (let alone date) a non-muslim man)
              - Since you're looking for a "strong leader" as a husband and have doubts about the validity of a relationship where a woman is slightly older than the man
              - And most importantly since one month into the relationship things are already going downhil

              I'd say stop wasting your time, and his.

              Best of luck.
              I agree with TwoThree's insight. OP, you're better off finding yourself a person who better fits your needs.

              best of luck to you

              Comment


                #8
                well, u all guys are totally right. but i dont have enough courage to stop all of this .and i would feel guilty. umm, maybe bcz i love him.
                u know, if we meet on skype, i dont feel he changed. he is sooo sweet (even though on the skype only) .so i will keep this relationship until ... im getting tired.
                i think its not waste my time bcz all of this, i have new experiences of life and makes me grow up .

                anyway, thankyou sooo much for your advices guys. very appriciate it .best luck to you

                Comment

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