So doesn't want a serious relationship

[MissKS]

I spoke to my SO this morning. I felt like it broke my heart when he told me he reminded me he didn't want a relationship. Something I had agreed to. The more I fall in love the more I want a serious relationship. It's making me think about what I really want. I really love him, and it is something I used to be able to live with. We currently have an open relationship. Should I continue and see what happens? Should I tell him I am having second thoughts?

[Black_Halloween]

I think you should be honest about how you feel and go from there.

[MadMolly]

If by "serious" you mean "exclusive" then you really need to decide what's worth it. Is being exclusive a requirement for you to consider yourself in a serious relationship? I'm guessing yes, so you have to talk to him about it. If he's not willing to be exclusive but it's something you want then you're just going to end up resenting him.

[MissKS]

I think you should be honest about how you feel and go from there.

It's something I was totally cool with, but I find that as time goes by I am not liking it too much.

[Dezface]

Something like the seriousness of a relationship is not something you can compromise on. He's been honest about what he wants and you need to be too. If you want a boyfriend and he wants to sleep around, its not going to work. Find someone who's what you want in all aspects, even if it hurts.

[MissKS]

If by "serious" you mean "exclusive" then you really need to decide what's worth it. Is being exclusive a requirement for you to consider yourself in a serious relationship? I'm guessing yes, so you have to talk to him about it. If he's not willing to be exclusive but it's something you want then you're just going to end up resenting him.

I don't know if it's because I was raised to think "serious" means "exclusive." We get along. We've met each others families. Everything seems fine when we are together, but sometimes I wish he was around. IDK if I'm over thinking. Letting myself go by traditional standards. Or the distance is getting to me. We do love each other.

[MissKS]

Something like the seriousness of a relationship is not something you can compromise on. He's been honest about what he wants and you need to be too. If you want a boyfriend and he wants to sleep around, its not going to work. Find someone who's what you want in all aspects, even if it hurts.

I just don't think its possible for him to be monogamous in an LDR. He's the one who wanted us to be in a relationship at first, but I'm starting to wonder how long I could go being in a relationship knowing he doesn't want it to be too serious. I thought to myself "Am I in a meaningful relationship?"

[ThePiedPiper]

I just don't think its possible for him to be monogamous in an LDR. He's the one who wanted us to be in a relationship at first, but I'm starting to wonder how long I could go being in a relationship knowing he doesn't want it to be too serious. I thought to myself "Am I in a meaningful relationship?"

If I'm being honest, I feel like you're trying to delude yourself into being okay with something you quite clearly are not. :/ You might love one another, but love does not conquer all and love does not mean you two have the same relationship needs. Two people can love each other with everything they have and still not be at all right for each other. It happens, and it's hard when it does, but it's something you sometimes have to live with. I feel like if you continue having an open relationship, you're only going to be hurt. Even if he doesn't tell you everything (and especially is he does), are you happy with the idea that your SO is having sex with other people while you're LD? Personally I feel two people should go all or nothing unless they're explicitly on the same page, i.e. both okay with the open arrangement and both taking part in the open arrangement. It does not sound as if you are as thrilled about it as he is and that concerns me because it's a pretty big incompatibility, especially since this type of behaviour might not stop once you two are close distance. I would talk with him about it, explain your position, and see what happens, but if you can't come to a consensus on the type of relationship you should have, then I would think about breaking it off. Hard as that would be, it'll only be harder if you continue a relationship where he's free to have sex with whomever and you're only pretending to be happy with it.

[MissKS]

If I'm being honest, I feel like you're trying to delude yourself into being okay with something you quite clearly are not. :/ You might love one another, but love does not conquer all and love does not mean you two have the same relationship needs. Two people can love each other with everything they have and still not be at all right for each other. It happens, and it's hard when it does, but it's something you sometimes have to live with. I feel like if you continue having an open relationship, you're only going to be hurt. Even if he doesn't tell you everything (and especially is he does), are you happy with the idea that your SO is having sex with other people while you're LD? Personally I feel two people should go all or nothing unless they're explicitly on the same page, i.e. both okay with the open arrangement and both taking part in the open arrangement. It does not sound as if you are as thrilled about it as he is and that concerns me because it's a pretty big incompatibility, especially since this type of behaviour might not stop once you two are close distance. I would talk with him about it, explain your position, and see what happens, but if you can't come to a consensus on the type of relationship you should have, then I would think about breaking it off. Hard as that would be, it'll only be harder if you continue a relationship where he's free to have sex with whomever and you're only pretending to be happy with it.

We lived together in the Summer and we were exclusive. So, not being able to have the same relationship has been hard for me. I miss simple things like eating breakfast with him and sleeping in the same bed with him. It's been hard to adjust we are now in a LDR because I decided to move back with my parents for financial reasons.

[ThePiedPiper]

We lived together in the Summer and we were exclusive. So, not being able to have the same relationship has been hard for me. I miss simple things like eating breakfast with him and sleeping in the same bed with him. It's been hard to adjust we are now in a LDR because I decided to move back with my parents for financial reasons.

I don't know. To me, three months of close distance, even if it means you were exclusive... isn't a whole lot. What happens if/when you have to go LD in the future? We all hope we'll never be separated from our partner but there will be times where we might be, either due to physical distance or because there's some emotional distance having to do with a rough patch. I would be concerned that this is the way he handles it when times get hard, and there's no guarantee that once you close the distance, you won't ever have to go LD again. The thing is that whether this arrangement is had only when you're LD or not, you're going to hold some amount of resentment over knowing he had sex with other women because he couldn't handle waiting for you. It's not going to be something you'll be able to stop thinking about, or overthinking about, when you're back together and can have a CD relationship. A one sided relationship will never, ever work out no matter how much you try to tell yourself it will. Your best bet is honestly to talk to him and re-evaluate where you stand, because frankly, the relationship will end if you don't. The worst that happens is you save yourself the additional heartbreak. :/ I know it's not what you want to hear, but I can't tell you it's going to be okay when you clearly don't want an open relationship and he does.

[MissKS]

That's true I need to have an honest conversation with him. Otherwise I will end up more hurt :P

[MattDavies86]

If it's not serious then where is it going? Seems a lot of time and effort for nothing really doesn't it? or maybe it's just me, honesty is definitely the best policy, I think you should tell him and talk about it.

[MissKS]

If it's not serious then where is it going? Seems a lot of time and effort for nothing really doesn't it? or maybe it's just me, honesty is definitely the best policy, I think you should tell him and talk about it.

Yup, I feel like Im putting a lot into it. I want to know whats the goal and if were on the same page.

[Kiyama]

I agree with the other posters that you should talk to him about your expectations and what you want out of the relationship. If he doesn't want the same then you should do some serious thinking whether you want to stay with someone who doesn't want to commit to you- and might never do. You deserve to be with someone who truly loves you and who's ready to go through these hardships with you because it's worth it. I hope it works out for you!

[digitalfever]

I think you should move on. You want commitment and he's not willing to give it.