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    Drifting apart: need help :(

    Hello guys,
    I feel really depressed about my SO he said: our relationship has become formal i guess we are drifting appart.

    The story is: Couple days ago I talked to my SO on voice. We talked a little and then I asked him: "why do you think it became formal?", He said: "we dont talk very much as before we talk like every 2-4 days and our conversations are like we dont know what we talk about, Also our relationship is distance". I told him: "I was trying to give you a space because you didnt seem you wanted to talk before( about 2 weeks ago he mentioned that hes stressed and busy and that he doesnt wanna talk). He asked me long time ago that if I knew someone who was in a distance relationship I dont remember what my asnwer was but in this voice call I told him that there is a community for this kind of relationships and some of them now live together, he didnt say something about it what I told him. Somehow I think he is right about it when our relationship has become formal.

    We've been together for 2 years and 5 months and we haven't met yet because of circumstances: At first it was because of me that I wasn't sure to meet him and some personal things. Later he had some chances to come visit me but he couldnt come. Now hes in finincial problems in his work. I mentioned in another thread hes from the US and wroks in a different country. I also have a plan to go to study in the US for a year and to see him too and I told him about it but still dunno.

    He has been in a series of problems non-stop, they become harder and bigger everytime. Most of them are about work and the other part is personal. His personality changed, the way he talk to me changed too he becAme dry and we haven't had our sexy time for 3-2 months, even when I talk about sexual things he doesnt seem interested. Recently hes been going under a lot of stress and issues and those one has changed him the most. So I think thats why he is becoming distant and fromal with me.

    The thing is the more I think his problems will finish the more problems come up, the more I think he will get better the more it doesnt. I dunno how long do I have to wait for his situation to get better, I dunno what to do, I feel sad when I think about it. It seems helpless. It makes me feel nothing more than this will happen in our relationship, but in the same time I feel we are meant to be. I love him so much and he does too but There is a part of me tells to leave him and another part tells me to stay with him and be by his side he needs me. Its just feels so helpless

    So what you think about all of this?
    Do you think its because we havent met yet in person?
    What would you if you were in the same situation?
    I just need another prespective from you guys.

    Thank you
    Last edited by GFI_1155; January 3, 2013, 10:02 PM.

    #2
    i think it may be because you didnt meet in person yet.see,it's always hard to be waiting,but if you met before,then waiting becomes easier as you know what you may expect.if i were you i would try by any means to visit him,if you really wanna keep this relationship.sorry to be harsh but i dont believe much in a success of any relationship,non or LDR if you do not meet in person and dont have physical contact.it may work out yes,i strongly respect people who manage to keep it,but 2,5 years just seem so long.you have tremendous patience though! its awesome.just decide for yourself whether you really really wanna be with him and whether he wants the same.if yes,go ahead and try meeting up.because long waiting really can make LDR dull,same was when for 10 months i didnt meet my bf.i couldnt find a subject to talk about with him and i just seemed so bored.at this point i believe some hope is needed,in form of future meeting or something

    Comment


      #3
      I've found that men often tend to go through crazy mood swings. Their own version of PMS, pissy male syndrome.
      I agree that not meeting in person yet may be making this worse. My SO told me there was zero percent chance we would meet before summer 2013. I was like, uhhh no. So I went fall of 2012. I do believe we wouldn't have made it if we'd have waited for his stupid time table (it was based on insecurity on his part - things that I couldn't care less about, and I knew I couldn't prove it until we met).

      Do you guys do much snail mail? That can always add a fun dynamic to a relationship. A love letter, a little gift, whatever. Something to touch.

      My SO is also going through bad things at work, making him more stressed and changing him. All I can do is be patient and let him know I'm there for him. Maybe let him decide when to talk to you? Then he can't say you talk too much or not enough? Personally after all this time I'd try to stick it out. I think it's amazing that you've had the patience to wait such a time. Can you visit him? Has the plan always been for him to come to you? I don't know how old you are, that makes a difference too. My last SO I was like, I will never go visit a man first! This time I was like, GET ME ON A PLANE! Of course there are always safety issues and things to consider... ah it's so difficult to be in an LDR.

      I wish I had better advice for you. It's just so hard to know what to suggest because all men are different and it sounds like these are his issues, not really anything you're doing.
      Best of luck to you both!

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by garnet View Post
        Do you guys do much snail mail? That can always add a fun dynamic to a relationship. A love letter, a little gift, whatever. Something to touch.

        My SO is also going through bad things at work, making him more stressed and changing him. All I can do is be patient and let him know I'm there for him. Maybe let him decide when to talk to you? Then he can't say you talk too much or not enough? Personally after all this time I'd try to stick it out. I think it's amazing that you've had the patience to wait such a time. Can you visit him? Has the plan always been for him to come to you? I don't know how old you are, that makes a difference too. My last SO I was like, I will never go visit a man first! This time I was like, GET ME ON A PLANE! Of course there are always safety issues and things to consider... ah it's so difficult to be in an LDR.
        No we dont do snail mail and those sort of thing. I send him love eamils from time to time. The stress made him sick. I cant visit him but hes the one who started for planning to see eachother, I also talked about it too. Im 20 and hes 49.

        Comment


          #5
          On a side note, you are going to run into a lot of problems with a 29-year age gap.

          Also 2.5 years is a long time to date, but not meet one another. I wouldn't have started my LDR if I had to wait 2.5 years + to meet my GF in person.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Tooki View Post
            On a side note, you are going to run into a lot of problems with a 29-year age gap.

            Also 2.5 years is a long time to date, but not meet one another. I wouldn't have started my LDR if I had to wait 2.5 years + to meet my GF in person.
            Our age gap is fine it works for us

            Comment


              #7
              I agree with what everyone who's posted above me has said. I can't imagine going years without meeting or seeing my SO! I think that could be a huge factor effecting why he's become more formal and slightly distant. I'm sure you have talked about everything under the sun, so you're running out of things other than the, "how was your day? what did you do?" type of conversations. He could be distancing himself because he doesn't know when you'll be able to meet and is wondering if it will happen, especially since you've been together 2.5 years all ready. He could be going through a phase or those issues that keep coming up could just be overwhelming him.

              I think that you will have to decide for yourself what you want to do. You obviously care about him so you could try to wait it out but I don't know how long this has been going on. I think it will be very difficult to carry on a relationship when one person becomes distant and not knowing when/if you'll meet doesn't help the situation. and I know you said that the age difference works for you but I think that it could be a factor, since it is a good size gap. I wish you luck!
              Our love story:
              Attended the same high school 2004-2007
              Dated CD: June 2009-July 2010
              Reconnected: August 2012
              Began dating LD: November 2012
              Engaged! March 2014
              Closing the distance: December 2015

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by GFI_1155 View Post
                Our age gap is fine it works for us
                That's fair enough but things could happen down the line, especially when you start wanting to have a child.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Tooki View Post
                  That's fair enough but things could happen down the line, especially when you start wanting to have a child.
                  Well im totaly aware of everything in our relationship, I thought about it and decided.
                  So we're happy and its amazing

                  Comment

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